Catherine Chi

Rust and Stardust

Bottega Louie by Catherine C.

Parasol by Ivan Ji

Model: Catherine C.

Hat from HM

Dress from Hellen's Sample Shop

Belt from Aliexpress

Bloom by Catherine C.

Pumpkin Frenzie by Tim Cha

Hobgoblin by Catherine C.

I decided to make an escape for the beach with Alissa after I was done with class. Alissa is new to the area and happens to live quite close to my school. We’ve been mutuals online, but have never met until this day. I picked her up and we made our way to a secluded beach tucked within a quiet neighborhood.

We talked about what’s going on in our lives. She talked about her transition from living in a small town in Northern California to residing in such a busy city with much excitement. I talked about the uncertainty of my relationship and what’s to come. After diving into conversations about people that we’ve coincidentally both known, we’ve came to the agreement that.. boys are dumb.

We sat at the beach and watched the waves crash. I wondered how such archaic movements could be so calming. The breeze gently blew and the whole sky had an overcast that looked beautiful when I took her picture (to be published soon). She was glowing. By the time that the sun is setting and the tides are rising, I showed her how to catch sand crabs. We looked for tiny V’s in the sand after waves wash over and took a big scoop of the wet sand. You could feel the small crab burrow quickly until they hit your palm. We set them back into the sand retreated back to dry land before one of us catch a cold from the water. There wasn’t a rush for anything, I felt like all of my troubles and problems have washed away and time stopped. All felt right.

The sun is slowly setting, the sand is soft, and palm trees were vivid green. This moment, I reminded myself to stay in the present and not worry too much about the past or the present.

I had a horrible week emotionally. I was constantly sad yet there were so many people who reminded me that they are always there for me. I vented and ranted my little broken heart out. There were those who understood and there were those who didn’t, but they all listened and tried their best to make me feel better.

I felt like there were dark clouds looming over me this whole week. I had hoped that the clouds would pass by, but I knew that the rain could come crashing down at any moment.

The phone call that I received after I dropped Alissa off at her house was a heavy shower that washed away so much time and dedication. I knew that there was nothing I could do to stop it, no matter how much effort I put into preventing the heavens from shedding it’s tears. The only thing that I can do is keep myself dry and wait out the storm until the sun comes out again.

Shot by Catherine C.

I never knew where the line between my comfort zone and my danger zone is. I’ve always pushed my boundaries and entered uncharted territories in all senses. My physical, mental, and emotional state have never had a limit that I did not explore. Was it my sense of adventure that compels me to be unnecessarily confident and optimistic in my decisions or was it a lack of common sense to be absolutely optimistic to try new things.

What’s the one thing that everyone’s afraid of?

The unknown.

Some people never enter the unknown. Some warily enter after much hesitation. Yet I dive into the black waters. My urgency to search for something new was probably rooted in my sheltered childhood. I was constantly held in my house and in my mom’s arms because while I viewed the world as an adventure, she viewed the world as danger.

My danger zone is also my comfort zone. I constantly seek out new things to try because I love the thrill of a conquer, or at least the chase.

I never realized that my tendencies to reach new (literal) height was so profound until I explored Los Angeles with Justyn.

Justyn is a photographer and friend from Oceanside, CA (near San Diego) yet knows more about the areas of LA than I do. He would drive hours up to Orange County to pick me up and proceed on our adventures.

The first item on our list was to hike up to a secret spot in East LA where a mysterious swing appeared a few years ago. I’ve often heard about this swing but this was my first time there. I stood next to the seat of the swing and as I imagined myself gracefully sitting down on the wooden plank and swinging myself over the cliff, I toppled over. Not only was the seat inconveniently too high for me, it was completely unstable as the rope that held it up was only connected to two sides of the piece of wood instead of four corners.

It took me while to find something that I’ve never had to balance myself on the seat, core strength, but I persisted. The moment was magical. Me swinging myself over a cliff overlooking East LA, I was fearless and free. Though I was literally teetering on both a swing and a cliff, I was teetering on where my ego stood that would enable me to act more carelessly than the average sound-minded person.

For someone who would go hiking, rooftopping, and swinging over cliffs along the Southern California coast, Justyn is ironically afraid of heights. I’m constantly reminded of his phobia every time I would sit on the edge of a building for photos. He recognizes the dangers of my actions and his anxiety level was over the roof yet I felt fine. Do I actively seek out danger as an act of rebellion or am I just numb to every part of my conscious being yelling at myself DANGER ALERT? I am glad that this side of myself has never stopped me from pursuing the fun and thrill of what life has to offer. I am glad that I chose to pursue whatever I want to do even though the fear of failure constantly looms over me.

I guess that moment of being with Justyn is when I know that I wanted to pursue more of what photography has to offer. I’ve been in front of a camera, and I’ve done my fair share of editing photos. I’ve directed photo shoots yet I’ve rarely held the camera itself. I’ve always been scared of pursuing photography by being behind the camera for once because I don’t know how to use one. I’ve always used every single automatic functions that a digital camera has to offer and I find myself as a novice once again.

When it comes to where I go, how I think, and what I feel, I’ve always been able to explore to my heart’s content with no hesitation yet when it comes to what I do, I’ve always done what feels natural to me. When I actively realize what is natural to me, I go out of my way to do something that does not feel as natural. I guess that’s why I create a blog about my life and photography progress. Even writing about my thoughts is does not feel as natural as when I express my thoughts verbally. My words are not as eloquent when I have to put them down letter by letter. Being behind a camera does not feel as natural as being in front of one.

That’s just how life is. I’m not just going to wonder “what if” every time I want to pursue something that I’m never done before. I’m going to go for it and expand my horizons. Your “what ifs” in life is how you determine where the line between your comfort zone and your danger zone is. Make your danger zone a comfort zone. Make the “what ifs” compel you instead of deter you.

There is always a first for everything, so here is my first blog entry.

Rembrandt by Daniel Nguyen

Siren by Anthony Kwon

Director: Catherine C

Salt and Straw by Daniel Nguyen