Shoelace Collection

Paper Towels/Butcher Roll/Newspaper

Pros: -Economical -Easy to find just about anywhere -If Newspaper, Recycling! -Easy to replace when soiled -Will fit any enclosure of any size -Humidity neutral -No dust Cons: -You will burn through entire rolls so fast -Have to replace all of it every single time there’s a deposit -Snakes tend to burrow under it and then go to the bathroom there instead -If they get under there they will move your temperature probe around -I’m talking about you, Joshua -Humidity neutral: can mold easily in humid situations -Cannot be burrowed into, which some species won’t appreciate

Verdict: Great for quarantine and snakes like Joshua who waste huge amounts of substrate if given the chance with their... bathroom habits. A good choice for larger snakes or just about anyone, really, but take note for humidity lovers and burrowers. That said, while Lucy was in quarantine, I maintained her on paper towels without any mold issues. Constant Vigilance, my dears!

Shredded Aspen

Pros: -Usually easy to acquire -Relatively affordable -Not the dustiest option -Fantastic for burrowers like Matilda, Worm, and Orange Juice -Holds tunnels well -Can be spot-cleaned -Clumps like cat litter around waste -Can come in bulk sizing! -Multiple sizes available from tiny slivers to big wood chips

Cons: -Still dusty -Should prophylactically freeze it before use -Will mold when damp -Did I mention the dust -Takes a lot of space to store while it’s not being used -Gets expensive quickly if you have a snake named Joshua and must replace all of it regularly -I am literally coughing sawdust over here from deep-cleaning Matilda’s house -I’m not sure how renewable it is

Verdict: Fantastic for burrowing snakes, use the hell out of it for most everyone personally. As long as they don’t need daily dampenings like Lucy and the Newdle, it’s a great option in my opinion, especially since you can even find it at the walmart.

Shredded Pine: Shittier aspen. Just buy the aspen.

Cedar: If you want a dead pet, go for it.

(Isn’t that a little harsh?) No. (Cedar oils are a respiratory and skin irritant and literally immersing an animal in it with no way to escape is a recipe for disaster. Please don’t buy the bulk bags at walmart for dogs and horses either. Same with Pine, EXCEPT for the kiln-dried stuff.)

Carefresh (and other products)

Pros -Recycling 2: Electric Boogaloo -Next to no dust -Comes in lots of colors, including rainbow! -Another great option for burrowers -Holds tunnels well -Can be spot cleaned (doesn’t clump as well though) -Easy to find just about anywhere -Relatively affordable -Soft -Can also be bought in bulk! -As an absorbent product, you can scoop out the damp parts without having to replace all of it when Joshua manages to tip over his water bowl

Cons -It’s going to mold if it gets wet -Still takes a lot of space -Costs a little more than aspen in my experience -The colorful one costs even more -Doesn’t hold tunnels or clump quite as well -It’s still expensive to replace en masse -Will make you want to color-code your snakes’ enclosures, requiring more substrate than usual Verdict: I use this for corn snakes in particular because it’s fun and more forgiving to work with than Aspen when it comes to their antics and bathroom frequency. It’s probably good for most (CAVEAT EMPTOR) colubrids in that regard, garters and really BIG colubrids notwithstanding. IMO Carefresh and Aspen are fairly interchangeable between each other in their function. Protip: put one half Carefresh, one half Aspen in a Sand Boa enclosure. The texture change is pleasing.

Sand

Pros: -Fuck sand Cons: -Fuck sand -Also IT’S FUCKING DUSTY -AND STUPIDLY HEAVY -AND EXPENSIVE

Verdict: Fuck sand. (It irritates your snake’s eyes, cloaca, and mouth. Ingesting it can be dangerous. Vita-sand is some bullshit. Crushed walnuts aren’t even real sand and are also shit. As an enrichment item in limited exposure it’s not the worst thing on earth, but IN MY OPINION fuck sand.

Hemp: I WISH I COULD BUY IT HERE

Cypress Mulch/Forest Floor/et al

Pros: -This one doesn’t mold as much -Cheaper than orchid bark -Can find at most pet stores -Not the dustiest thing out there -Great for anything that needs higher than average moisture requirements -Often comes damp

Cons: -From what I understand, Cypress isn’t harvested in a sustainable fashion? Someone fill me in. -Sometimes has... things. Freeze it before use. -Harder to buy in the same kind of bulk that one would buy aspen/carefresh in -Trust me, dry it out some before use -It’s really heavy compared to other things mentioned

Verdict: Great for moisture-lovers, maybe not great for the environment, and it’s heavy and damp so use can be a pain. Pretty mold-resistant though.

Coconut Fiber/Coir/Eco-Earth et al

Pros -It’s everywhere -You can buy it in huge compressed bricks -Still cheaper than orchid bark -Moderate dust depending on cut -Comes in a variety of textures -Fairly mold resistant due to coconut being naturally antifungal in nature -Pretty easy to get ahold of -Can even emulate soil if needed, holds tunnels well -Potentially more sustainable than cypress mulch Cons -Compressed bricks can be used up quickly; bags take a lot of space -Personally, the finely-ground stuff molds on me worse than aspen (however, I know that’s not universal!) -The fine stuff can also be pretty dusty until it’s rehydrated -Can sometimes hold too MUCH moisture -Ivo was kept on it and it stained her scales until she shed, so potentially not a good fit for light-color snakes. Verdict: Caveat emptor about the mold, but tons of people use this for tropical animals of all sorts and it’s probably the go-to for anything in need of high humidity retention.

Orchid Bark

Pros -I think this stuff is indestructible. It never breaks down -Caveat emptor once again, but I’ve not gotten mold on it so far -Comes in a variety of cuts from big chunky pieces to tiny flakes -Probably the ultimate substrate for moisture requirements -Also great for growing actual orchids (and for planted terrariums by proxy, though be sure to set up a water table) -Burrowable -Can be bought in bulk Cons -It’s so goddamn dusty it’s almost as bad as fucking sand -It’s heavy as hell -It gets on everything when you spread it -It will stain shit -I don’t think anyone but Josh’s Frogs even carries outside of the gardening world -It’s expensive as hell compared to just about everything -If you have to replace it often, god help you -You can buy it in bulk because that’s ALL you can buy it in -Enjoy your completely excessive crop-sized bag of wood chips -The bag has little ventilation holes so as it sits in your freezer it covers everything in a fine layer of grit -IT GETS ON EVERYTHING YOU LOVE -It can’t hold tunnels for shit -Small pieces get everywhere, big ones are like mulch and hard to burrow through, the medium size is what I affectionately refer to as “wood gravel” -THE FUCKING DUST Verdict: Unfortunately I am forced to swear by this pain in the ass. I’ve never had it mold on me. This stuff resists breaking down better than anything I’ve ever met. Despite being overpriced and a huge inconvenience, it’s been a boon for Lucy, and I can’t go back to other products now. It’s like a really good waffle iron. You only need it for one thing, and it’s probably overpriced for a single-use item, but it’s really good for that one specific thing, and so you buy one anyway. I have to recommend it because I have a bag of it sitting on a shelf RIGHT THERE.

Gravel: I hate you.

Those are all the ones I have experience with, this isn’t a particularly good list, but it’s 4am and I just cleaned Matilda’s house, so I felt inspired to yell about snake bedding. I’m sure I forgot some things, so let me know about it if I did, or tell me your experiences with things I might not have liked. Unless they are sand.

Fuck sand.

As always I speak purely from a snake perspective, and those in the amphibian, invert, and lizard-world naturally have different views on all of this! And I can only speak for my own experiences, too; I don’t claim to speak for the majority whatsoever!