it's compelling and raw but it's disgustingly, disturbingly visceral in a way that makes me want to crawl out of my skin, and it's in a way that i don't think i'm in a good mental/emotional place for right now. which i was pretty cognizant of in the first place, i might add, but just truly did not realize the intensity of the emotions it would stir up for me.

so anyways i'm gonna leave this on my blog as a reminder to myself to maybe someday try to read it all the way through,

there's something 'bout the window seats, got you feeling like a poet

you said, "i think that we had everything, until now just didn't know it"

i'm leanin' towards a subject change in a sentimental moment

we're drivin' through the garden state, we'll be strangers in the mornin'

the way you've got your hair up straight makes you look real Californian

you know you never really could quite place when i'm angry and i'm jokin'

i'm cursin' every exit sign and my damn christ-like devotion;

to hopin' you might change your mind, and to hatin' you for goin'

roadkill fawn, you said "how sad, left to rot alone like that"

you state a feelin' like a fact

i'm glad you left, but you'll be back

you'd call me stupid, then kiss my skin with the same mouth

you'd sink your teeth in, you'd double down as i bled out

i heard once that wild dogs will eat their prey alive;

i handed you my beating heart, of course you took a bite

was there something 'bout my fear that made you feel braver?

i don't wanna think you cruel by nature

was there something in the dark that made you feel weaker?

i don't wanna think you a vicious creature

i've been bleeding through past lives like bandages, trying to make me a friend

i've been tolling the sundays, the damages, all through to my bitter end

count the freedoms as baggage, as told by the dragons that i couldn't slay

i hope i was right about someday, wrong about today

they've been singing, the barflies, a ballad, but no one can nail down the tune

they'll be scaling the walls of this city, but we'll all be wasted by noon

watch the windows aglow with the lonely, a beacon for the terrible few

i hope i was right about soulmates, wrong about you

(the dragons that i couldn't slay)

i've been wandering the streets of my bedroom, desperate to take it all in

in a ghost town, i showed you the body, and you touched my hand with a grin

at the end of all things, all i can think to say is; what a year today has been