just vibing

Growing up I was always "too masculine" my parents were trying to force me to be feminine. Schoolmates would ask me about my "secret penis" and be more physically violent with me over other "girls". And cis women would touch me and use me however they felt because they knew I couldn't retaliate.

When I told my friends that my girlfriend was being abusive, they laughed and told me in full confidence that, that couldn't have happened. After all she's just so fem! And Im just so not.

The people that upheld gender rolls around me were not just men or my parents. Everyone is imbued with misogyny. Your parents dont care you dont shave your legs? Well your classmates will. A male teacher is sexist? Dont worry he'll just get a female teacher in to do the misogyny for him and tell all the girls in class how they look like little sluts.

Then I came out as trans and got on hormones and suddenly I'm not man enough. Everyone has to give me advice on how to be a "real man". I need to do the Manly Activities and stop doing the Girly Activities. (Never a woman tho. A dangerous man or a confused girl is all a trans man gets to be)

Is this a typical female socialization? I doubt it. Just like I doubt that trans women have a typical "male socialization"

Everyone grows up with misogyny. Everyone has to unlearn misogyny. Everyone has to unlearn toxic masculinity. Being AFAB does not make someone immune to being misogynistic.

What makes you think growing up as a trans woman excludes them from these kinds of experiences? We know toxic masculinity is toxic but somehow that doesn't apply?

Little girls will be shamed for their appearance no matter what. Little trans girls are shamed for existing. A masculine girl can wear a fully gender neutral outfit and look like a boy. Because boy clothes are default. A trans girl cannot dress in one single item of girls clothes without being mocked. Theres a whole category of bits where a boy accidentally wears something for girls and is humiliated for it. (Because girl clothing has to have different buttons and pockets, lest you mix up the paper thin see through top and shapeless bag with armholes)

Being expected to always perform masculinity drives me crazy and I am a man. How do you think a little girl would feel in that role?

Think of every single "male socialization" thing (backbone, confidence, condescension, misogynistic, over-sexual, lazy, aggressive) that has been tacked onto trans women and ask yourself: "Is there not a million cis women I can think of that do that too?" If the answer you find is no, you are lying to yourself or you have some misogyny to work on. If the answer is yes, stop telling trans women that they are male socialized and stop saying that they are mansplaning or being a manchild. There are words for that, that involve no men (because women do it too)

The Emotional Apocalypse might happen only once, or it might never happen, but the fear of the Emotional Apocalypse is sometimes even worse than the event itself. The gaslightee is terrified that her partner might yell, or criticize her, or even leave her, and she’s sure that if her fear is realized, she’ll be completely overwhelmed. “You feel like you’re going to die,” one of my patients told me once, and she wasn’t much comforted by my replying, “But you won’t die.”

[……] For as long as he could remember, Mitchell had worried about letting his mother down and had hoped to make up for all the other disappointments in her life. As a result, he was vulnerable to her gaslighting. Although she rarely accused him of anything directly, her hurt looks were more powerful than words. “I feel like I’ve broken her heart,” he told me in one especially painful session. “I’d do anything to keep her from looking that way and knowing that I caused her pain.” Rather than ask himself what, realistically, were his chances of making his mother happy and how willing he was to sacrifice himself to do so, Mitchell insisted that his mother could be happy—if only he could be a better son.

Sometimes the gaslighter progresses to increasingly painful responses—from cutting remarks to outright yelling, from implied guilt to explicit accusations. And if a gaslightee resists, the behavior may become still worse—daily yelling, broken dishes, threats of abandonment. She may start to feel as though even thinking about resisting provokes an escalation, as though it’s not safe to disagree even in her own thoughts. Giving in completely—in thought and emotion as well as action—may come to seem like the only safe course.

When gaslightees try to tell me about their apocalyptic fears, they often have two contradictory positions. On the one hand, putting these fears into words may make them seem trivial, so my patients express a lot of shame and self-doubt. “I know it doesn’t sound like much…,” they’ll say. “Only an idiot would get upset about such a little thing.” Or “I’m sure it’s not that big a deal. It’s just that I’m such a wimp. He’s always telling me I’m too sensitive.” On the other hand, if I ask a gaslightee to wonder what might happen if she responded to the Emotional Apocalypse with a shrug or by walking out of the room, she may desperately insist that I don’t understand how bad it really is. “But he’ll keep yelling,” she might say. “And if I leave, or ask him to stop, he’ll yell more.” If I ask what makes the yelling so frightening, I get a stare of disbelief. It’s as though the gaslighter’s secret weapon—whatever it might be—really did have the power to annihilate the gaslightee and destroy her entire world.

I know when the Emotional Apocalypse threatens, it can be truly frightening. But in fact, the yelling will not destroy your world. The criticism will not end your life. The insults—however painful—will not actually bring your house crashing down in ruins around you. I know it feels as though the Emotional Apocalypse will literally destroy you—but it won’t. And when you’re able to see past the fear that is choking you and clouding your mind, you may be able to shrug off your gaslighter’s point of view and refuse to engage with it—neither believing it nor arguing with it, but simply holding on to your own inner truth.”]

Someone asked F1nn why it was that on her larger branded social media accounts she still listed herself as a femboy in some places while in more intracommunity spaces she more readily and comfortably identified as transfem.

Now, depending on who you ask that kind of question to you'll probably get a meandering answer on the complexities of how one defines their own identity. But instead F1nn gave a very quick and simple answer.

Films reflect the time period in which they were made.

Our most popular films right now are all reboots, sequels, and reused IPs.

On one hand, you could make the case that our generation is being deprived of its place on cultural timeline, because (as far as the mainstream goes) all we're being given is rehashed ideas from other time periods. Seems rather boring to analyze.

But on the other hand, I think future film historians will find that this era is culturally fascinating. Not because of the "nostalgia bait" itself, but because it represents the emergence of independent cinema and streaming.

When TV was invented, people could watch filmed media at home. You no longer had to go to a theatre just to watch cartoons or comedies.

So the studios responded with a wave of epics in the 1950s. They said "Okay, you can get Dick Van Dyke at home, but you can't get Ben-Hur." Television couldn't compete with the budget, big name stars, or visual tech that film studios could offer. They were financially incentivized to blow your socks off with visuals and big name stars.

But with the emergence of streaming and independent film, that's no longer the case. A-listers are happy to take TV roles, and TV offers Hollywood-level visuals. You don't need to mess with the theatre system at all. It's easier than ever to make good-looking movies and share them with the masses with no major studio backing.

So what's the one thing that studios still have going for them? What's the one thing that Disney can give you that an independent filmmaker can't? Yoda. The Little Mermaid. Iron Man. Fucking brands. That's all they have, so that's all they sell.