The Fear
I’VE BEEN PROCRASTINATING LIKE MAD. Every night my heart is excited to start work the next day, but every morning my head finds anything it can to avoid it. I’ve procrastinated before but this feels different. This book means so much to me, I think I’ve actually become scared of it.
I’m trying to concentrate on the illustrations. I’ve spent a long time thinking about what medium to use, and I keep ending up back at pencils, so I’m trying to work up a few finished pencil pieces to see how they might look. Pencil keeps in fitting with the ‘storybook’ style I’m after, something a little more classical, but it’s all still open to experimenting.
I’ve done whole books in pencil before. And let me say it is a paiiiiiiin. Pencil work takes so much more out of you than inking does, it’s a much bigger emotional investment. It’s also slower, and harder. When it works, lovely, but you can also lose whole days scrapping your mistakes.
I think that’s why I’m so scared. I’m walking down a path I’m not sure I want to go. Committing myself to maybe 80 or so illustrations in a tricky medium. And then if the book does well, and the series happens, potentially hundreds more.
This fear is of being utterly overwhelmed, and having to drag yourself through it. Because I know I’ll be mostly happy with the end result, I just need to do the work.
I just need this fear to let go of my wrist.
