aphrodite

oh.

did hyejin see her smile?

and if she did, suhee assumes she saw the glint in her eye too, the way that she flipped her hair. 

she approaches the younger girl with care, one eyebrow quirking up in a question.  “ do you think drinking underage at a work event is glamorous? or are you just so shameless that you don’t care? ”

she feels a thrill, a rush of adrenaline --- an excitement relatively new to her. sneaking drinks seemed a good idea to the young girl, and it still was; she was having a blast, after all. lurking in the shadows of the adult party, the trainee snatched unmonitored drinks and claimed them for her own, wanting to join in on the fun her friends were having. she was one of the youngest and so far it proved utterly unfair, a setback at best. only one other time did she ever drink, leading to her still being unable to figure out her limit for drinks. thankfully, it was only after a couple of drinks this night that she felt sick and decided to stop--- at this point, she was rather drunk, but still able to function properly. her emotions, however, were all over the place. additionally, there was a large chance she wouldn’t remember any of this if she continued on.

then she sees suhee. disdain easily makes its way onto hyejin’s face, her emotion obvious for anyone watching. the other girl had begun to look at her, obviously sober and obviously judging.

was that a smile?

she feels a sudden surge of hot anger, infuriated by the look on the other’s stupid face. what was her problem? did she really want to start something now?

before hyejin knew it, suhee was in front of her and speaking to her, words of pure judgement coming out; the trainee has the sudden urge to pounce on her labelmate. shameless? oh, she did not. but hyejin restrains herself, taking deep breaths as she struggled to properly enunciate her words.

“don’t you judge me,” her words are venomous, eyebrows lowered and her dark hues narrowed. feeling a burp moving up her throat, hyejin pauses for a moment, raising a balled up fist to her mouth before letting it loose again once the sensation passes. using the same manicured hand, hyejin shakily points downwards towards the floor. her own eyes follow her hand and look towards the flats that adorned her feet, both extremely expensive and stylish. “do you see these shoes? jimmy choo.” although inebriated and not that much in control of her emotions, the teen still manages a smug smile to be directed towards suhee. she half-laughs, rolling her dark hues slowly, an effort to prevent dizziness.

( ~ )

this way she could a little more freely and still not be heard. “now before i say what i say, remember to smile and laugh. we can’t have you exposing yourself anymore.” it was a sly jab but she could not bring herself to care. “why would i apologize to you? you used every second you could to tear into me, to hurt me. why would i, bae hwarin apologize to a little girl who acts like a brat? you have a very pretty face and -” her voice dropped to almost a whisper. “ and a very shitty personality. you want me to say sorry to you but you can’t fix your lips to say it to me? you’re hilarious, your face might get you far but just like in that place, you’ll slip up again. work on yourself before you ask for an apology okay?” she ended with a huge smile, something the fans would be able see even with her head turned away. “you’ve poked a sleeping bear enough.”

hwarin’s new personality was shocking to the younger girl, truly. of course, hyejin didn’t like it.

what had happened to the shy, passive girl from msg? what happened to the trainee that hyejin found no problem in freely pushing around? standing beside her now was someone else completely, someone stronger, more confident. a part of hyejin felt sad; she had really enjoyed doing what she did to hwarin, it was the highlight of her week and gave her the boost of confidence when she needed boosting. it was almost as if it was an end of an era for hyejin and she could safely say that she was going to miss it, as well as was going to miss the old hwarin--- in fact, based on the previous interactions the two had shared, hyejin didn’t think she was ever going to talk to hwarin again.

underneath her closed, smiling lips, hyejin gritted her pearly white teeth, angered as hwarin continued to speak. her frustration grew with every word that left the older girl’s mouth, and the teen found it difficult to not let her bright smile falter. she forces another giggle, this time a softer laugh: her eyes squint and wrinkles form around them, her cheekbones raise as her ruby lips spread wide, and out from lips comes a giggle barely audible.

as the other’s arms wrapped around her, hyejin attempted to keep her position and smile and not cringe away, a very difficult thing for her to do. through her opened and smiling mouth, the girl proceeds to continue the conversation. the fury is evident in her hushed voice. “you really are a bitch, hwarin.”

there’s a pause as she poses for a calling cameraman. when she continues, however, the rage in her tone is elevated to a different level. “if you want me to apologize, then fine. i’m sorry that i wanted to help you get better on the show. i’m sorry that you can’t fucking handle any sort of constructive criticism and are so fucking sensitive about every single thing. but i’m just going to say one more thing to help you because yeah, i’m not a ‘shitty person’ --- after all, i’ve given up my time to actually give you advice in the past so fuck you.”

( ~ )

the only upside had been that the fans were placed fair enough way that could at least whisper and not be heard. she was sure she could control herself but hwarin felt there was a chance something less than friendly would slip out. and when she was finally just a few inches away from hyejin her face turned into a kind of awkward smile. the staff backed away to give them space and she for a few seconds she was at a lost of what to do. but hwarin was quick and she looped her arm with the other and did a v sign pose. “just follow along, the faster you move the quicker this will be over.” she muttered it but kept the smile on her lips. at this point she had to trust that hyejin wouldn’t act as she normally would. the girl wasn’t that stupid.

these fanmeets were so far turning out to not be as fun as hyejin had hoped they’d be. it didn’t have anything to do with the fans --- she absolutely loved them and enjoyed all the love and attention she received. instead, it had everything to do with the people surrounding her, her fellow contestants and rivals who she was forced to be affectionate towards and have fun with. it was pure torture for hyejin, a girl who had a sum total of four genuine friends on the show ( the rest she either hated or hated her ). 

it was only icing on the cake when bae hwarin and her were paired up for a lengthy portion of the meet.

did hyejin regret being so forward and mean to hwarin on the show? absolutely not. but what she did feel upset about, was that she had forgotten where they were. they had been in the produce dorm’s kitchen, there must’ve been some hidden camera somewhere. blinded by her own ego, hyejin had let the facade she carried slip and had risked the public figuring out that she wasn’t as ‘amiable’ as she seemed. hopefully, the producers in charge would be kind to her and not let any of it air.

a smile is forced onto ruby lips as she looked towards hwarin, who shockingly took charge of the situation and told her what to do. trying to mask her surprise at the older girl’s sudden commands, hyejin suddenly bursts into a small giggling fit, acting as though hwarin had said something funny. she leans her body in sideways so that the two girls were close enough to be touching shoulders. cringing internally at the affection and skin ship they had to put on, hyejin resisted the urge to scowl and instead continued to allow a bright, pleasant smile to embrace her features.

( ~ )

“right? one time i stayed up all night with some of my foreigner friends to try and catch tickets for this convention overseas but the seller literally sold out right as we were all checking out - i was fully dead on my feet the next day - ticketless.” she muses, a faraway look settling over her features. “i really only wanted to go because i thought this one actress i like would be there but she wasn’t so, whatever. anyway - “ she refocuses, clapping once before standing up. “all-nighter. try to meet me here around, like, eight, if you can? i always try to get started a little earlier each time so i don’t quite hit six am.”

as the date to the live performance comes closer and closer, it’s true hyejin’s been getting a little nervous, but only a little. like always, she was confident in her abilities and performance --- she’d do well, and she knew the rest of her group would do just as well. although myungeun was the only one out of the three whom she actually liked, she couldn’t deny the talents of the others. they’d do fantastic in the song, as well as make a lasting impression on the viewers. she could put up with her group-mates if it meant a successful song, especially since they’re time working together was ending soon; she hopefully wouldn’t have to interact with suran for the rest of the show, and eunju --- well, she didn’t know if the other really thought they were friends. if she did, then hyejin had to wait till the very end of the show to cut the girl off entirely.

as the other began to ramble, hyejin began to groan inside her mind --- when was this little interaction between them going to be over. the trainee wanted to leave, after all, she was starting to get more and more annoyed every time eunju opened her mouth. but she puts on a face, acting astonished at the story eunju tells. her mouth opens wide with a gasp, but swiftly closes as she forms a pout in ‘pity’ for the older girl. “aww, that must’ve sucked!” half-laughing at the other’s sudden change in topic, hyejin begins to feign enthusiasm for the upcoming night. “of course! eight then it is!”

screaming internally at herself for getting into something like this, hyejin struggled to maintain the smile on her features. sure an hour of practice with a girl like eunju was bearable, but a whole fucking night? she’d be driven crazy, she’d snap, she didn’t know what she would do. all hyejin could do was hope for the best; hopefully, she didn’t end up yelling at eunju, or in a worse-case scenario, end up strangling her. oh well, whatever happens, happens. the teen claps her hands together once, squealing excitedly.

( ~ )

“please, be my baby!” she laughs, singing her parts in a decidedly cuter voice, giggling right after she sings the line. “you really think so? i mean, wonder girls have some big shoes to fill, and this song is iconic so if i mess up i’ll really mess up.” sometimes she thinks about what she would do without hyejin. die, probably, though that might be an exaggeration but her life definitely wouldn’t be the same. “but thanks. let’s do well together.” she takes her friend’s hand, shaking it slightly. “let’s debut together, just this once, okay? because we won’t get another opportunity.”

hyejin’s soft when it comes to han jiae. 

while some others in her life knew only of her harsh and domineering attitude, she tended to always immediately let go of that rough, manipulative exterior with jiae. she’s genuine, all authentic, all real with her closest friend. hyejin could never fake anything in front of the older girl; she cared too deeply for her, anyways. and to be honest, the teen would do anything for the other girl as well. a loud laugh suddenly comes forth from her parted lips in reaction to the other’s tiny vocal performance. enthusiastically, her hands clap together in a playful manner. “oh my gosh, it sounds super good!”

allowing herself to calm down from her playfulness, hyejin lets a reassuring smile cover her glowing features, dark hues filling once again with a sense of warmth. “jiae, don’t worry, you’ll do the wonder girls justice.” her tone is gentle, yet firm. she’s confident in her best friend, knowing that the blonde trainee will do her absolute best in the upcoming live--- she’s one of the most talented trainees on the show, after all. the teen makes sure to show this faith on her face with an expression of confidence, hoping it will boost up the other’s esteem leading up to the live performance. “you’ll be shining compared to the other girls up there with you. i know it.” 

her smile falters at the other’s words, feeling pressure suddenly. although it wasn’t jiae’s intention, hyejin began to feel anxious toward the upcoming episodes. her ranking had been shit so far on the show, and she couldn’t afford that again, especially if she wanted to win. as she feels the other grab her hand, however, warmth begins to surge through hyejin, soothing the tension within her. a smile washes over her seriousness, and she nods her head. “i agree, let’s do well. let’s get there, let’s debut together on this show.”

if only they shared the same contract under the same company. it’s one of the biggest disappointments in her young life so far --- she wanted desperately to debut with her best friend, but due to the facts, she couldn’t. hyejin understands it to that extent, but she also understands that on this show, she has the rare opportunity to get a sense of debuted life with jiae. she couldn’t waste it. hyejin wanted to debut on the show’s final group for a various number reasons, and jiae was one of them. she couldn’t mess it up, she had to win. although she didn’t do too hot last round, she knew she had to work even harder. she couldn’t lose, she didn’t want to -- her emotions would be all over the place if she weren’t able to be in at least a temporary group with jiae. there’s a sigh that she emits, and she leans forward to embrace the other once again.

( ~ )

“joo hyejin.” her voice was firm even if it was a little quiet. “i don’t know why you act the way you do but please leave me alone tonight. i’m tired and i’m already under a lot of stress. if i say what’s running through my mind right now. you’ll be the person walking away with hurt feelings.” maybe this would leave hyejin to backing off, hwarin didn’t want to become an ugly person. “i do not want to come off as a hateful person like you. so please, let’s keep our distance unless we have to work together eh?” by now she dropped the honorifics in her voice, hyejin hadn’t been worthy of them and hwarin needed to show the younger girl just want she was -older. 

taken aback by the other’s sudden boldness, hyejin feels both shocked and offended. where is this suddenly coming from? it’s scary, to be honest. the cowardice of the younger girl suddenly feels like backing away, believing the threats the other posed weren’t as empty as they usually seemed. the trainee gulps, giving herself a little shake to recover the callous look she was giving before hwarin had opened her lips. anger suddenly makes it’s way into hyejin surging through her veins. how dare she? hyejin’s feelings rarely ever got hurt -- to the point where it could be thought that she couldn’t feel anything --, her ego large enough to be a shield over her pride. however, she’s still speechless at hwarin’s words, the tone she puts forth causing hyejin to hesitate. after a minute, the trainee fully regains her domineering posture and scoffs at the other. she rolls her dark hues, proceeding to get up quickly from her seat--- a decision to back away has been made, she would’t waste her energy here. “fine, whatever. don’t take my help. i’m done with my food anyway.”

hyejin moves to throw out the rest of the bits of food in her bowl, the escalating anger in her due to the other’s frankness taking over any thoughts of pervious hunger. placing her empty dish in the sink for some other trainee to clean up, the teen then starts for her bag hanging on the back of the chair she had been seated at. she begins to speak as she moves, annoyance clearly heard in her usually honeyed voice. “keep studying, i don’t care.” 

once she collects her bag, she begins to make her way out of the kitchen, but before she reaches the exit, she halts and swings herself around, huffing in exasperation. her anger is at it’s tipping point and hyejin felt as if she was about to explode at any minute. a menacing glare is thrown at hwarin as cold words continue to spill out of her ruby lips. “but just so you know, you have the potential to do so much better if you just let go of your fucking pride and listen to me. it’s your downfall, not mine.” 

it’s funny, just how hypocritical she is.

suddenly her sour expression suddenly morphs into a sickly sweet smile, her head tilting to one side and a hand raising to wave a ‘goodbye’. her voice takes on a high-pitched, cutesy voice and she blows a little kiss towards hwarin with her waving hand. it’s an act - a rather annoying one - to show hwarin just how fake she could be and to potentially, hopefully, irk her.

( ~ )

“i’ll debut with jaehyun and daesung, you know them? the old men.” he laughs a bit. in some sense it makes things easier, debuting with guys he knows for so long, who he has some sort of understanding with. “now you’ll be able to say you know me before i was famous and successful and tell all my childhood stories on pann.” aroon jokes with her, bumps his shoulder with hyejin’s. the light atmosphere seems so weird, but he enjoys it.

“of course! i know you deserve it, seriously! i’m happy for you -- jealous, but still happy.” aroon was practically a sibling to her, a relationship built on the foundation that involved them to share a piece of their childhood with one another. unlike many, hyejin cared immensely for aroon, and a proud feeling of happiness comes easily to her for his success. while she fiercely dreamed of debuting herself one day, she couldn’t overlook the fact that the male beside her, someone whom she loved, someone who’d trained twice her training time, was finally debuting himself. 

hyejin was a ‘pick-and-choose’ type of person. there were some people who she’d be supporting and making sure that she gave them as much love as possible, while, on the other hand, there were others who she would be driving into the ground with harsh words and her judging, cold eyes. of course, there were others she hardly cared to waste time and energy either loving or hating, so instead, they fit into the group of people hyejin acted entirely fake towards, manipulating them to believe she wasn’t as narcissistic of a person as she truly was. most people fit into that category.

“aw, that’s so sweet. i hope my mom does the same thing.” she half-laughs, picturing how she remembered aroon’s mom to look like, imagining her in proud tears for her son --- a pleased smile ends up staying on hyejin’s glossy lips. as the other continues to speak, hyejin listens intently and takes the last few bites of the fruit in front of her, wiping her moist fingers with a napkin. she then widens her dark orbs again at the revealing of his groupmates, admiration swelling inside. “oh yeah, i’ve seen them on the show. wow, you guys have quite the lineup.” 

“no doubt, you all are going to be making knees weak with your debut.” another laugh, and hyejin hydrates with the water bottle in front of her again. a smirk appears as soon as she finishes and she can’t help but laugh loudly once again. nodding rapidly, mischief appears in the girl’s eyes. “definitely. i’m going to expose absolutely everything, and i’m also going to call your mom and get the old, embarrassing pictures too.” 

( ~ )

then he laughs, shaking his head. “i should keep an eye on you whether we debut together or not,” because hyejin has quite the personality, something he would say it’s an acquired taste. “and no way, i just let you think that.” he tells her, laughing. truth be told, child hyejin kicked his ass every time they hung out together. he was never capable of telling her no, and aroon thinks that is just part of hyejin’s charm, or something that one day would ruin someone. “but yeah, i would like to spend more time with you, but i have so many schedules right now.” he sighs, trying not to think about it. 

“i don’t know if you heard it, but i’m going to debut on midas next group.” it’s still strange to say that, his mind is still trying to process the fact that he soon he won’t be aroon banthao, the trainee, but aroon banthao, the titanium member. “you’ll be able to say you knew before i was famous.” aroon jokes, still laughing.

“yeah, you’re right. kids like us are meant for the top.” they reassure hyejin, aroon’s words, and she gives a brief smile and a small shrug. she isn’t certain about the future, she didn’t really know what to do. but he was right. “the cream always rises to the top” --- she liked that, she liked it a lot. hyejin gives a half-laugh, smiling. “we’ll always rise.”

she had to. all her life hyejin’s been obsessed with the spotlight, the idea of stardom and being number one. all eyes and hearts on her was what she craved. it’s always been that way, always. even as soon as she had exited her mother’s womb, her cry was so loud and deafening that all throughout the hospital corridors, people could still hear her. she had wanted attention from the very beginning, in fact, she had demanded it. 

and since then, she’s decided to do anything to get it.

cue the multiple years of her backstabbing, manipulating, lying, faking, tormenting--- all to just get something she wanted, whether it be the title of a ‘pageant queen’ or even a better image for her coaches and trainers, the people who decided her future at the company. hyejin did what she had to do and she was glad she did half the things she did, remorse absent from her heart. her ambition knew no limits and she didn’t mind.

pondering on her thoughts, she almost misses what the male says, realization coming only after a solid half-minute. sipping on her water, hyejin almost chokes once she hears the news for the first time. 

coughing loudly with a hand to her chest due to the water - attracting the attention of those nearby - she finally manages to calm herself down and begins to whisper-yell at her childhood friend, eyes wide with surprise. “holy shit, are you serious?!” once again, hyejin’s arms are around aroon, another tight hug delivered to the older contestant. “i didn’t know! oh my gosh, congratulations aroon!” after a sweet moment, she pulls away with a large grin on her lips, unable to make it stop. joy is felt in her heart, pure joy--- she feels like a proud sister. “i’m honestly so happy for you, so, so happy and proud!”