thine lips, the devil’s ears

i resent this. i resent that you haven’t seen the work i’ve been putting in, haven’t bothered to ask in months so your assumption is that nothing has been done, and you know what’s so fucking funny. i kept this from you because it would have seemed spiteful but i was so excited to surprise you this week with something that you had been asking for and i had been trying my hardest to give that to you, but fuck it, i’ll keep that to myself till its done or you see me doing it. any other move would seem like i’m trying to make you feel shitty, so why bother. 

you are holding your list of demands over my head. do this in the next six months or we have no future. in the mean time, i’ll stop talking about future things with the person i want to spend my future with. literally what sense does that make and i really can’t see any other reason why you would take away something that brings me so much fucking joy and inspiration other than to prove some point that i don’t know and hurt me deeply. 

i worked so fucking hard to help you get to a place where you were comfortable talking about kids, marriage, a life together, and now you take that away from me and hold it above my head until i’ve given you everything on your list? how is that not fucking evil to the core. 

but okay. you don’t want to talk about our future, so there’s no us presently. and i have to be fine with that. im not talking about weddings, travelling, kids, nothing i would do with a significant other, because you’ve made it very clear that that’s not what we are right now. 

i’m setting my own fucking boundaries, and right now they are severe. i don’t even want to talk to you right now, man. i’m fuming. im devastated. im irked. im trying so hard not to completley wall up and close myself off to you, but i resent being put on trial and thats all i can think about and that’s all that fuels me.