Just Amie Stories

I wish we never fell in love; because I miss my best friend.

I've always dreaded the possibility of having no friends; of no group to be with at every waking hour, to laugh with and cry with and live my adolescents with. That daunting thought that when i was bored noone would be there to message, or fill the empty void that leaving school gave me. That possibility soon became a reality which hand in hand made me so sad. My happiness came tearing through when i stopped and admired my roses...that although i wasnt surrounded by a swarm of friends, i was in love with a boy, forever discovering with my best friend, supported by my family and enlivened by my passions. That's enough.

I sat there so overwhelmed by my emotions that I didnt realize my eyes had begun to water. So lost after a journey designed to find yourself; achievements with little reward and so many choices to know if the ones you settled on were the right ones.

Perhaps writing it down will make it happen; I just want to take every moment and turn it into a miracle. I want to make everyday situations seem like dreams, and I promise myself starting today I will.

Those people that speak harsh words, and ones who make up gossip to purely satisfy their own thoughts truly dont realize the affects they have. Although the gossip itself is not the worst part, when those around them start believing the lies, thats when it becomes poisonous.

I am so excited to meet as many unique humans as possible; every single one that the world has to offer me. I often find myself staring at those whose differences make them stand out, to me in a good way. I look forward to laughing with the tattooed bar tender who's body is a beautiful canvas. I admire the thought of joining a yoga class and meeting someone who will from that moment never leave my circle. Perhaps the man that stood against the wall waiting for his meal, dancing to a tune that was only apparent in his brain; could become my best friend.

Death in unfortunately an inevitable fate; the purest romance could be cut short in one moment; hence why I've decided to take a chance. To take a chance on the love that had died, yet ignited with minimal effort. I can not help it, for you seem to enchant me, and out of such tragedy comes one blessing.

I whole heartedly tried to captivate myself in every characteristic about you, yet the lack of inspiration saw the words become minute. I won't apologize for being in love; i will however apologize for it was not with you, because I know you were in so deep.

I slowly discovered that I am nothing more than the anxiety that had forsaken me all these years, because it had overpowered all them honorable opportunities I was offered. I was so petrified until these moments of success were over, that I didn’t appreciate what I had. Anxiety makes you loose touch with appreciation sometimes; for human beings and for defining moments in life.

Saying yes was such a petrifing thought because deep down I knew that my heart was not safe in any other hands than my own. I was always so capable of a deep and sensual love, resembling yours quite well, but that changed because my past was so painful. Despite your obsession for me I still could not trust anyone yet, for I was still so broken, but I was oblivious and I’m sorry.

Someone may assume they know everything but that does not necessarily mean they feel them within their heart; because knowledge of and living through the experience are two very different things.

I think the most inspiring thing about you is your willingness to allow me fall in love with you, whilst also trying to fall in love with myself.

Writers block hit me when I should have been capturing every moment. I was so focused on hating myself that I forgot that those moments in life are the most precious; the confusion and hate, and immense stress all enhance the beautiful times…but the empowering emotions that were so cynical are over, and now I’m left wondering what to hate next.

I have every reason to be happy, why won’t I let myself?

It suddenly hit me, after all these years, poems and tears it was you. You have always been the one who cared, but I chose to look in the other direction; all the misconceptions and obstacles we faced just prepared us for the journey we are about to take. Now that I am looking for love in the right place, I’m promising myself this will be the best I’ve ever had.

I'm truly sorry that our love story was tragic; my capibilty to love you was broken by the heartbreaks of my past and more importantly the desires I owe to myself, so for that reason I apologize for nothing.