The Universe? Probably Real

the spirit is unwilling and the flesh it feels not so good also

oh siddhartha gautama, called Buddha, we're really in it now

I'm a hard pillow hard mattress man. I need reliability. I don't want something to change into a completely different shape when I touch it, that's lying and I don't like liars.

count dracula? uhhh ok. one

🧛 nathing vrong vith me

Grace is one of the most classic things to fall from

That and the monkey barrrsssss

hearing a beloved friend say the words 'can i be mean for a sec' is like watching an angel descend from the heavens and kiss you on the forehead

if you're a morally dubious man on tv what you're going to want to do is go look at your kids while they're sleeping. then drive your car somewhere

I know I'm not the first person to observe this, but banishment is a hell of a funny punishment. I now sentence you to fuck off. I don't care where, just get out of my sight. Go on. Git.

[pushing my glasses up with an air of unwarranted superiority and gesturing toward a painting without a minotaur] the Minotaur is implied.

Where’s the YA protagonist teen girl and her two boyfriends that are supposed to save us from this mess anyways

The dystopia books lied. The teen throuples aren’t coming to save us.

Save me teen dystopia love triangle

Teen dystopia love triangle save me

If the US military wants so bad to liberate a desert region from a repressive religious organization, Utah is right there.

Hey. Stop for a second. Take this moment to appreciate that you don't have to write a paper right now. No one is asking you to write a paper. You don't have to think about the paper or plan your time around the paper. You have the freedom to think about whatever you want. Everything is going to be okay. At least you don't have to write a paper right now

I sneeze so hard that it sets my nose ring spinning so fast it creates a portal into the dragon dimension but the portal is only nose ring sized so no dragons notice and nothing happens