shove it

every time you make freezer food for dinner instead of buying takeout like you actually want you should earn two hundred dollars cash and a round of applause

I just need to nap for 72 hours. That’s all. I just need 148 hours of solid rest and then i’ll be fine. Just 296 hours of shut-eye. If I could just lay down and go to sleep for 592 hours…..

Sending me porn you want to do recreate with me, is a valid form of flirting.

Do you ever wonder what happened to the weird girl from your middle school?

Im not saying it should be illegal to own more than two properties. I'm saying there should be a lengthy screening process in which you have to prove that the next property you're aqquiring will be used by you or loved ones at least x time of a year. I think it should be immensely legally complicated to aquire more than two properties. I don't think they should let you get a third one if you just want to rent it out. I think they should shoot you with a gun for that. Housing is not a buisness and it should be heavily regulated and I'm not joking about it. What the fuck does an average private person need more than a house and maybe a summer house for. They should take away the right to own numerous properties and im not even joking when I say it. You should get HRT on demand btw.

no, spotify, i don't want to use ai to "turn my ideas into playlists". i already fucking do that with my brain and hands and i do it for fun. what, should i get ai to pet my cat for me? to play my silly games for me? to spend time with my beautiful wife for me? how about i rend you asunder

my mythology pet peeve is when someone describes a scenario in which they keep nearly getting something and then having it snatched away, and everyone's like "one must imagine sisyphus" no!!! one must imagine TANTALUS!!! sisyphus = being made to perform a pointless, aggravating task over and over without ever making any progress. tantalus = being offered a glorious reward only for it to vanish as soon as you reach for it. they are NOT the same

I hope every health insurance exec dies from painful and preventable disease

it seems not everyone is as patient as I

yesterday i rolled a joint and immediately lost it and my only comfort has been imagining it traveling chef boyardee style down the stairs and across the walkways to a stoner in greater need than myself

you're shitting me

ive been through SO much. PLEASE dont try and fuck me. you dont understand

Leave her alone this is kinda pissing me off she’s been through enough

Right when you don't think you can take much more you'll hear your cat start to dry heave in another room

its beginning to suck a lot like penis

Today I encountered an especially pathetic Italian greyhound. His owner told me that a gust of wind once blew him into a lake.