AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA @thespamman24 - Tumblr Blog

Breaking news!

Spamm is growing.

You can now view all three volumes of The Library of Spamm, a collection of my best posts. This collection will be updated whenever I feel like it. Obviously, I will still be posting here, the library serves purely as a backup and a way to see what you may have missed out on.

HIRE ME TO BE RICHARD NIXON AT YOUR KID'S PARTY! I am a professional Richard Nixon impersonator. For only 14 shiny nickels an hour, I will

TOP TEN WHOLESOME BJORK QUOTES TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD! 10. “Sometimes, I imagine that my hands are knives, and that everyone who sucks is bread

This is what happens when losers online take an uninspired and uninteresting kind of "vegetable" seriously. Kale is one of the worst vegetab

Also, in case you didn't know, I have a Youtube channel.

SPAMM Productions - YouTube

All of this is a step towards producing the first Spamm Feature Film, and after that, world domination.

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thespamman24

I would just like to make one thing clear. I am a velociraptor.

spamman-critical

Wow, just wow. I can’t believe thespamman24 would do this. Velociraptors. Kill. People. And what, Spam thinks it’s perfectly justifiable to pretend to be one? Clearly, this means that Spam is a velociraptor himself. Absolutely shameful.

thespamman24

Surry.

I would just like to make one thing clear. I am a velociraptor.

thespamman24

I'm not like other girls. I like David Lynch, and The Talking Heads, and stubbing my toe, and setting plants on fire. I once stabbed a man. I'm not like other girls. I've never seen my reflection in the mirror. I don't even own any clothes, I just rent them. I'm not like other girls. All of my friends are crows. They're not like other crows. Most crows can't talk. I'm not like other girls. Most girls don't drink blood. My house is wet, and my bed is upside down. That's not normal. My house is in Europe, but not a fun part of Europe. I'm not like other girls. Most girls are below 200 years old.

skunkes

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throathole

Oh thanks but what the fuck does any of that mean

anariel-the-elrond-apologist

I’ve seen quite a few of these in my time, but this one takes the cake.

throathole

This is fucking killing me

Golp: a roundel purpure.

Repeat this to yourself until it begins to have meaning

a-book-of-creatures

Okay then since some of you need to be reminded of this:

Roundels are circles in heraldry. They are named according to their color, which also has its own lingo. Let’s meet them!

Bezant: roundel or (gold) 🟡

Plate: roundel argent (silver) ⚪️

Torteau: roundel gules (red) 🔴

Pomme: roundel vert (green) 🟢

Hurt: roundel azure (blue) 🔵

Golp: roundel purpure (purple) 🟣

Pellet: roundel sable (black) ⚫️

If your field is strewn with roundels, you can describe it appropriately as being bezanty, hurty, golpy, and so on.

cognitohazardous

ballwizard

jerk before bed = clearing your head

bed before jerk = how does this work

girl-ritchie

weirdoughnut

[Transcript:

jerk at night, relaxing delight

jerk in the morning, stinky hands warning

. End transcript.]

thespamman24

Tun Facts About Garfield!

Most cats have bones and blood and organs on the inside. Garfield does not. He just fur all the way down.

When asked about Garfield, Jim Davis broke into tears and asked us to close the portal to hell.

Most atheists agree that this is the greatest proof that there is no god: if god was real, Garfield would have eaten him already.

There are two people in this world: those who pray that Garfield won’t eat them every night, and people who are going to be eaten.

According to the national food and drug administration, Garfield actually contains to many calories to be defined as a cat, so he is listed as a bear.

It’s illegal to be Garfield in all states except one: the Garfield state.

dragon-in-a-fez

actually I think you should be normal about ordinary citizens of authoritarian countries and yes that applies even to that country you're thinking of right now

dragon-in-a-fez

"but they support [dictator] and [violent action]!" okay is it possible that a combination of propaganda, election rigging, and authoritarian crackdowns on dissent could lead a population to look like it supports something most people would find distasteful under more reasonable circumstances

sarakipin

Berserk print and washi tape for SDCC 💋

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theabigailthorn

Hello. Do you know how to swim?

this is quite an ominous question lol

but yeah i do

thespamman24

Okay. Thanks.

If a third senator dies, then I'm gonna get suspicious.

They've shipped me with just about every fictional character imaginable.

daenerystargayen

HOUSE OF THE DRAGON S03E02 — “Queen’s Landing”

dragongirlsweetie

it's actually so crazy how much the simpsons would fucking suck if it didn't have any of the simpsons characters. just a bunch of shots of empty houses and streets for half an hour while nothing happens. that would be so badddd lol

auroroboros1

yeah that tends to happen when you remove characters from media. without characters its all just background. i guess movies set in scenic locations would still land as kinda nature docs but even then

dragongirlsweetie

it only happens with the simpsons

auroroboros1

this same criticism could be applied to nearly any media ever.

dragongirlsweetie

it's just the simpsons. are you a troll?

derinthescarletpescatarian

Dragon's right, if you remove all the Simpsons characters from Death Note it hardly changes anything

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pukicho

I love my vile chud son

thespamman24

Well, I don't.

thespamman24

I will be 20,000 years old soon.

thespamman24

I live in California. That happened last week.

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