Today is just another weekend but thereās a difference.
He isnāt here. I should be glad that he isnāt here because I can do the things that I want to do. I have longer me time.
But there are things I realized when he isnāt around.
-I have become dependent of his presence instead of the presence of God in my life. Quite frankly, I may have put him in the throne of my life, instead of putting God on the throne.
-I have compromised stuff that I know I shouldnāt. Make out session wasnāt gonna be something I would want for us. Although he respects my boundaries, I would have been happy if we didnāt do all that every weekend.
-I am enjoying too much of this relationship to a point wherein I donāt think this honors God.
-I have been used to his little things that mean a lot to me because I have not experienced treated to be right and I thought he will and does. Now, Iām disappointed and angry that he isnāt here with me on a Friday night.
These realizations made me think of opportunities.
-God is redirecting me to Him. God is still god after all. He redirects me when Iām about to go to a different lane. So with this, I thank God for allowing me to experience these emotion of disappointment. I prayed for clarity as to what things I did that dishonors him and clearly itās the make out session.
-I have very strong opinions about his career shift and I prayed for me to be the best support for him but I donāt know how to play with words. So, Iām learning to tame my tongue as hard as possible but I really would be praying for him. Praying harder for him to realize that his feeling about work isnāt always the right thing. He needs to go through a breakthrough. Thus, more opportunity for me to pray for him.
-Enjoying the good things brought about this relationship is great but I also need to learn to enjoy the uncomfortableness of relationships. Hardships are inevitable and are ought to be enjoyed equally as the good things.
-I have known my worth and an opportunity for me to stay believing in my worth because my worth is in the heavens and not here on earth.
To end this. I rest my case. Uncomfortable but worth going through.