First run-in with transphobic doctor
Hey y'all. I realize I haven't written in a literal year. In general, things are going great. I got married and reconciled with family, which both need to be their own posts, which I'll get on top of later. Today I wanted to vent about my first experience with a doctor who had homosexual and transgender bias.
Before I get into it, I want to say that I really don't throw the word 'transphobic' around lightly. I think there is a difference between hate, phobia, and ignorance, and each needs to be analyzed and addressed separately. But I'm not here to talk philosophy, I'm here to say that I am deliberately choosing to call this doctor, or at least his actions, transphobic, as he was afraid to treat me the way he would presumably treat his non-transgender patients.
A few months ago, I pulled something weed-whacking and parts of my neck and arm went numb. The numbness persisted for a couple weeks, so I figured I'd better go get it checked out just to be safe. I couldn't see my primary because she's out for a few months, so I went to express care at the same practice at #amplahealth.
The nurse took my blood pressure and it was really high which is unusual. I've had high BP in the past, but not for a couple years, and all other readings at this office in recent years have looked great, so I fully expected the doctor to address it.
I was taken to a room and the doctor entered shortly after, respectfully confirming that I was transgender female-to-male which is of course standard practice. He then attempted to confirm that I was having pain in my left back and shoulder. I explained that there was no pain, but persistent numbness, and swelling that had since gone away.
He asked if I was taking testosterone. I told him that I had not taken testosterone for over a month. Â He asked why. I verbally hesitated, as this is an uncomfortable and private matter, and I was not familiar with him. He assured me that to treat me properly, he must know, so I explained that my husband (who was in the room with me, this is important later) and I planned to have a child.
He then declared that my "pain" was the result of abruptly discontinuing a high dose of testosterone. I explained that I had not stopped taking my hormones suddenly but weened myself off safely and successfully under the supervision of my primary care doctor. I also reiterated that there was no pain, only numbness, and added that I first experienced the sensation while weed whacking since he had not asked me anything about the incident yet.
I explained that I felt numbness âhere,â and pointed to the area. He was looking at his clipboard and would not look at me. Uncertain if he had heard me, I asked if I could show him the area. He still would not look at me. A really long, awkward stint of time passed that left husband and I staring awkwardly at each other. Eventually he did look at me, and I said, âThis is where Iâm having the numbness,â and pointed to the area. He didn't observe the area. He didn't touch it. He didn't even ask any questions about it. He simply reiterated that my "pain" was due to stopping testosterone and said that suddenly stopping a high dose of testosterone can cause unexpected pain in various areas of the body.
I'm not a doctor y'all. But Jesus Christ. Come on. I had long since tapered off of my hormones with no issues, and I could feel the EXACT moment my numbness started - - - when I was weed whacking.
Then the doctor stopped in the middle of his explanation and asked, âWhy are you looking at me like that?â This confused me and I glanced at my husband, then back at the doctor. âSee? Now youâre tilting your head. What am I saying thatâs so confusing?â
I said that regardless of whatever influence may have played a factor in starting the numbness, my day-to-day tasks were exacerbating the issue and I was concerned. I told him that when my arms were held up it increased the numbness, and that working at my desk while typing or driving my car seemed to trigger it.
This is where he really went off the rails. He said he was not going to file a workerâs comp claim (?????????). I asked him why he thought this was a work injury. He said it was because I work at a desk, and that workers comp claims are messy, and âTrust me, you really donât want to get into that kind of thing.â I reminded him that my issue began when I was weed whacking.
He said, âI can give you some baclofen to relax your muscles, but you need to see your primary about this.â I explained that my primary was on maternity leave, which is why I had come to express care. Then he started to talk shit about my doctor! I can't make this stuff up y'all. He complained that she hadn't set a return date and this and that and the other; personal feelings about his colleague that he had no business talking about to his patients.
At that point his cell phone rang. He recovered it from his pocket and mentioned that it was his son, and that he had to take the call. He corrected himself after glancing at the screen and said that it was actually his boss and stepped outside of the door to take the call.
At that point, I chose to leave because I felt I was not being respected, and felt the doctor was not invested in helping me. As my husband and I left the office, I passed him in the hallway. I said, âWeâre going to leave, thank you.â The doctor said, âDonât you want your baclofen?â I said no and left.
He never asked me questions. Never touched my arm or neck. He barely looked at me. As far as my blood pressure went, he never mentioned it and I had to go elsewhere to get it checked out, as well as my original problem with numbness. (I had pinched a nerve, and the numbness went away on its own. A doctor confirmed that this had nothing to do with testosterone. Was given blood pressure medication for hypertension and told to follow up with my primary.) I scheduled an appointment with another doctor at Ampla to talk about the blood pressure.
Bad experience, but life goes on, right?
A week or two later, I logged onto my patient portal to find that the doctor assigned to me that fateful day really went to town on my patient chart, filling it with dangerous and incorrect information about my medication, an incorrect reason for my visit, and on top of that, he used my patient chart like a diary to express his feelings about me.
First, he logged my visit as leg numbness.
Then, under "history of present illness," he wrote the following. This is HIS note, word for word, copied and pasted from my chart to Tumblr. I bolded my favorite parts:
âPatient comes to the clinic today with his male friend. His chart note identifies him as a transgender female to male who had been on testosterone 200 mg every week. This was discontinued a month ago. In the last month patient and his male friend have decided they want to have a baby, the reason for discontinuing. Realizing the possible adverse effects of that much testosterone that frequently and then discontinuing it I continued asking questions of this individual. Patient became very agitated. I attempted to explain to him why I was asking was led to his insistence that he was having muscle spasms in the neck and that was causing the numbness down his neck, arm, shoulder, and upper back. While trying to reassure this individual that I was trying to help him with the thoughts of giving him baclofen for muscle spasms myself on begin to buzz from a call from our companies headquarters. I excused myself and stepped out of the room to answer. Before I could asked the caller to hold on, the patient and his male friend stormed out of the room with the patient saying "you know what I am just going to leave". I asked the patient if he would like me to give him a prescription for baclofen to which she said "no I am good". Patient was not thoroughly evaluated. Patient became extremely angry that I was even questioning him. Patient obviously had some kind of disdain for me as a straight white male provider and chose to leave without being seen.â
How about how he refers to my husband as my âmale friendâ after they were explicitly introduced at the appointment? I could not have been clearer in saying we were married and would soon be trying for a child. Our decision to have a child was not decided over the last month as he claimed, but rather, over many, many years. Now my chart says that I up and decided to have a baby with a friend, and abruptly stopped 200mg of testosterone a week to do this, which brings me to the fact that...
NOBODY TAKES THAT MUCH TESTOSTERONE.
My prescription, as in the entire vial, is 200mg. My dose at the time I started tapering (months and months ago) was 0.4ml, which is about 80mg/week. That's over double my dose. It's an insane dose that nobody in the history of ever has been prescribed. Not only is his information incorrect and dangerous, but it shows that he did not read my chart properly and does not understand how intramuscular medication is prescribed. And by the time I was done tapering, I was taking less that 0.1ml (20mg)/week, so no, I did not abruptly stop taking a high dose. Not only does it make it look like I'm abusing hormones, but it implicates my primary care doctor, pegging her as someone who prescribes unsafe hormones.
And finally, âPatient obviously had some kind of disdain for me as a straight white male provider and chose to leave without being seen.â He wrote this under "history of present illnesses." I resent that he projected his inferences about me in MY chart. My chart isn't his fucking diary. This is a grown ass man with a medical degree, and this is how he behaved. His attempt to gaslight me to cover his own ass is sure something. I wasn't agitated. I had no disdain for him as a straight person or a white person. That's not me. I do presently, however, have disdain for his behavior and character.
I've talked with Ampla's patient complaint department and am working hard to get my chart amended. It's a tricky process because it can take months, and the doctor himself has to agree to change the chart.
I requested that he change my hormone dose to the correct dose, correct the reason for the visit, and refer to my husband as my HUSBAND and scratch the part where he says I made a sudden decision to grow crotchfruit with a rando. I did NOT request he change "she" to "he" in my chart, nor did I request he get rid of the bit that says I detest straight white dudes, because if he wants to look like an asshole in writing, that's his choice.
In the meantime, I'm stuck with dangerous and wrong information on my chart that makes me look like I abuse hormones. And my doctor is still on maternity leave. I haven't gone back to the clinic and will not until this is amended. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because my primary is amazing, and she is a trans health care specialist who has helped my husband (also her patient) and I prepare to start trying for a baby. She's also helped me with my fibromyalgia and I've made such strides with her. I mean, she's essentially our family doctor and I could not ever hope for a better one. And yet I have no desire to stay with Ampla after this. I haven't made a decision about whether or not to go back, and until my chart is amended, I cannot morally bring myself to be seen there. I need their administration to take this seriously.
I have already let their administration know that if the chart isn't amended, I will approach my primary doctor directly, as well as their board, and proceed to take whatever steps are legal and necessary to protect myself and my primary.
I don't really know how to end this, I'm just so disappointed in their administration, this doctor in particular. There should be no place for medical staff that will not properly treat queer patients at an organization that publicly claims to treat LGBTQ patients.