🌼

wore my thigh high boots on a walk today and we had to take a path through some long grass and while everyone else was rolling their pants into their socks and putting on jackets to protect themselves from ticks i was standing there smug as hell in my thigh high leather boots.

a hoe never gets lyme disease

pulling my tamagotchi out of my pocket in the same way a distinguished old man would check his pocket watch

my mom told me my first word was camel

When i was a baby they would wash me outside because i stank

Work chapstick. Car chapstick. Nightstand chapstick. Bathroom chapstick. Jacket pocket chapstick.Bag chapstick. You have to be prepared.

Laundry chapstick :(

you were born in 2006? what are you? a Honda Civic?

can i fucking help you?

Human relationships are not transactional but they are reciprocal, which I think many of you with your ‘i don’t owe anyone anything’ shtick are too happy to forget