ChaosMakestheMuse

She tries to come out, to ask questions,to want to feel better.

But i dont let her.

Every tear i cry is for her, every letter i write is from her.

I want to hold on to those memories but its all getting blur.

My 13 year old self would be prouder.

Of how mature i am now. Of how i can handle situations better.

My 14 year old self tries to speak her pain as i feel her cut open every wound i have with a blade.

But i deserved that pain because i didnt love myself infact i loved the blade more.

Oh how beautifully would i scar my body and then i lost my proud 13 year old self to nothing more, than a blade.

I was all pieces of broken glasses one that cant be put together anymore.

Maybe my 16 year old self will treat me better, love and heal all of my broken self.

My heart had shattered into pieces that couldn't be put together anymore.

But I still kept the lock open, waiting for him to enter through my heart's door.

I loved him when my heart was full but now I learned to love him with every piece that had fallen.

My heart didn't look like one anymore. My heart had been worn out completely, but it hadn't ever been tired of loving him.

Although my heart had shattered to pieces, I could still hear every piece beat his name. My heart had broken from the actions thoroughly.

I wouldn't say it but partially cause of him.

It was eating the salad

He was the sun rays through which the moon glowed

The melody the birds choose

He was the rain every plant wanted to bloom

The stars the sky needed for views

He is in my heart engraved like a tattoo

I want to heal all his bruises

Even if it meant I had to take the pain

Because I wouldn't be writing all that I do

And writing wouldn't have been a part of me without him.

Writing for me was like fitting in the holes with screws-

Holding tight. What can I tell you?

Kyun nahi jee sakti uske bina yaar.

Aisi mohabbat thi

Bas ek baar meri taraf dekhte aakhein padh leti

Aisi mohabbat ki

Apke pyaar mai umere guzar jayegi

Akhri saans par bhi ham chahenge apko dekhna

Blue looked mesmerising on him

But I think everything does

Blue looked mesmerising on him

It was the colour he loved

I think that's black

Although he wanted a car that was bold

In the colour, yellow-gold

Blued looked mesmerising on him

The kind that made my world end

But when he smiled

It was so beautiful, I'm sure ot made my heart stop

Blue looked mesmerising on him

But he wasn't mine to admire anymore

So thank God that Jo one can stop me

As it's my choice to love him

Where he is welcome in my world

I love him, and I still do want him. Maybe it's not that i don't need him anymore. It's that I've learnt not to need him anymore. It took a lot to be able to reach there. But I'll always want him. Because that is my choice. I choose him and I want to choose him.

It shows that love is a choice, not an option. There is a huge difference between wanting something and needing something. But love is a beautiful mixture of both. Because my heart wants him to be my need. But he is more than that. Loving him isn't easy, but what is easy isn't worth it. And I am sure he is worth it. He is the man I've dreamt of spending my life with.

His eyes were gorgeous, but his looks were murderous. He took a piece of me every time I looked in them.

His smile was as soft as a rose petal, but his intentions were brutal

Looks can be deceiving, they said. But his looks were everything he said. He was.

But all i saw was good in them.

His heart was made of stone, but I believed him every time he had sworn to love me.

His eyes were beautiful and deep like the ocean, and I was drowning in them without caution.

But His looks were murderous, and his heart really was of stone. And he had lied every time he had sworn.

But I had fallen for the pain in his eyes, for the heart beneath the cover of stone. For every one word, he said where he hadn't sworn. I had loved him for what he really was. I loved him even for what he didn't show.

I wanted to love his scars to let him know.

That I really love him even though he gave up on me. And I waited every day since but I couldn't believe that was two years ago.

Bichad ke aisa lagta hai dil se dhadkan chali gayi ho