Dedicated to my Love. I write to find us again.

I’m heavily pregnant.  So pregnant that I can’t tell if I am full of food or babies.  Or both.  Ha.

We just finished having dinner and I see the way I walk out onto the open deck which leads down unto the yard which, if you keep walking past, eventually leads into the woods. We live near. Or in.

It’s a surprisingly cool summer evening and the stars are starting to come out slowly and I can hear crickets all around.

And an owl.  The same owl that I’m pretty sure has made it a point to stop by and visit us every night.

Our backyard is filled with some nice patio furniture.  Nice?  New-ish, refurbished, nothing too fancy-ish because I don’t have time for all of that.  Oversize comfy cozy chaise lounge chairs.  And one of those swings.  A big patio swing. A green one that blends in with the background.  And I found these cute string lights somewhere, I can’t remember where but they go around the deck.  Giving off a nice warm glow. 

We have a large bay kitchen window in front of the sink that faces our backyard and tonight it’s your turn to tidy up and wash dishes 

I can see the way you watch me through the window as I walk out. Or better yet waddle out.

I can see how calmly you wash the dishes.  I can feel how slow and relaxed your breathing is. 

 the way I waddle out onto the porch. Bare feet on the wooden floor.  It seems like it takes me forever to get across to the small set of steps that lead down and out into the yard.

I reach the steps and before I go down I look out at the trees and gently rub my big belly. I grab hold of the rail but before I take the first step down I look over at you and yell out

"Hey!  Hey you standing there watching me!"

 The way you look at me. 

As if I were the most precious and loudest thing you've ever heard and seen. 

I laugh and say

"My love, can you please bring us a sweet treat."

You nod your head. I turn around and start to slowly make my way down.  It's only a few steps down but I feel like I ran a mile.

My bare feet feel so good in the cool grass.

 Everything feels like it has slowed down. Neither one of us is worried about time.  It feels like it doesn't even exist.

We're surrounded by so much green.  

You started your garden that spring

Its neatly tucked in a corner of the yard.

You’re so proud of it and I love watching you tending it early mornings.  I find the way you have turned something like gardening so strategic?  Something that people usually get ther hands dirty in, feeling earth and you have a plan for everything that has to do with your garden. And I giggle to think how you only let me get close enough to take a peek but everything has it’s place, there is a reason for all the things. There is a certain way that you take care of that garden, protecting it, not more, not better, but the way you protect, and I’m reminded of every moment you protected me.  And I think that’s really what I admire.  What it is I really see.

A light breeze sweeps through the trees and reaches me as I stand in the yard staring up at the sky.  I’m standing there in the white flowy cotton dress that somehow seems to also look fitted in all the right spots of my voluptuous pregnant body 

but I begin to feel a bit confined that even the thin cotton dress feels too restricting on my body.  And you watch as I slowly take it off.  You lick and bite your lower lip as you watch me standing there so naked and free.  And all you want in that moment is to touch my soft, warm, milky skin.

As soon as you finish up you walk over to the fridge. You insisted on one of those touch screen ones.   I never asked why.  I figured it was a compromise I was willing to make as long as I had my say in the way I would eventually have my plants living inside.  From our bedroom, restroom, kitchen etc. The home would forever remind anyone that ever had the privilege to set foot in our home, of a you and a me and the way we could find a way to combine. No matter the item or the room.

You use, your finger to write a quick note for me to see later but you didn’t use words.  A symbol.

You then proceed to open the door where you find a small dish of pineapple chunks and strawberries.  You had cut those up as I worked on dinner not too long before.

As you're about to close the door you notice a can of whip cream, so you grab that too.

Just in case...

You quickly make your way towards where I am standing in the yard and set the bowl and can down on a small table by one of the chairs.  I turn and watch as you get comfortable on one of the chairs then pat your lap.  An invitation to for me to have a seat.  I laugh and waddle a bit to get to you.  My warm naked body makes its way slowly and you hold my arms as I get on top of you and wrap my arms around your neck.

 You begin to caress my swollen belly as I sit on your lap.  Your fingers tracing all over my skin.  Around my nipples.  Gently squeezing the soft of my titties.  You make your way to my ass cheeks and give them a big slap.  It feels so good.  You feel so delicious.  And for a moment we are still as we stare into each other’s eyes.  Taking the moment in.  No words.  Just the feel of all that we are, what we created and it makes me want you more than I have ever wanted you before. 

And trust me, I have wanted you and have had you so much and so many times before.  But we’ll save that story for another day. 

Where was I?  Ah yes. 

Time doesn’t exist and we stare into each other’s eyes.  Feeling the energy.  Feeling the moment.  Feeling how pregnant I am.  Knowing that a part of you, was growing inside of me.  And I begin to kiss you hungrily.  Deep, strong, loving kisses.  And you let me.  You let me pour all of me into you.  And when you begin to pour yourself into me, I can feel the way our souls play.  The heat that each of them bring.  I begin to pull at your shirt and you quickly take it off.  You start to kiss my neck and lick my chest.  Long juicy strokes of your tongue going up and down and all over my flesh.  I moan.  A moan so loud it seems to make it’s way out into the dark.  A never ending sound that found it’s way back in to me and I moan again as I feel the tip of your tongue swirl around my breasts until it reaches my sweet spot…nip.

And maybe I keep feeling you and I miss you so much because I know you are out there but I can't be with you yet. Maybe I can't be with you at all and that possibility of having connected with you out in those other worlds but being stuck here feeling it, fucks with me and I am wrong for taking it out on him. He didn't do anything wrong. Like he said, he didn't ask for any of it. But it still doesn't change the fact that you came to me through him and I still miss you. And I can't even be mad at him. What fault does he have in all this? None. He isn't a bad guy. And said a lot of things I didn't mean today but I wasn't even really mad at him. I was annoyed and upset at the beauty of a connection that exists in this stupid fuckin world. The only real thing to me in this shit reality where you, don't even exist. And I'm mad at myself because even if I try and move on, you keep coming back to the home in my soul. I can still feel you every night and I never wish it away. I always hold it so damn close. Closer than ever. I can sit here and try and do the very thing I said I would never do but denying it just seems like the most ridiculous thing when I don't ever feel with anyone, the way I feel with you.

And I say all that fucked up shit to him because I know you can hear me, but your energy reminds a part of me and calls bullshit. I have felt your protection everywhere else but here. And a part of me feels abandoned and alone. And it makes me not soft , it makes me want to put up my shield and defend that part of me on my own. And it turns out that the part of me that feels like putting up a wall, the one that wants to be so fuckin cold, she doesn't even exist...I don't even feel like her anymore.

I took it out on him when all knows is what he knows. I miss you though. I felt you last night in a dream. And I keep feeling you. You're always talking to me even if he turned his phone off to ignore.

We have babies and we're happy. More than happy. We are at peace. Living abundantly. We have a home and we make loads of money doing what we love.

I'm a writer and everyday I write about life, our world, and our love.

A connection so divine that you and I have been planning it every lifetime even if we didn't know it yet.

to show that magic and fairytales are real.

to prove that love is what it's all about

You pat the desk.  And I obey.  I sit at the edge of it.  You place both your hands on  in between my inner thighs and push them apart.  Now I'm wide open.  You nod your head forward.  As if you're point at my hands.  

"Touch yourself."  you say. 

Again, I obey.  One hand I'm caressing my bush and the other hand is working the lips. I open my legs wider and I start to finger fuck myself. 

"No," you say.  "Don't.'

I bring my hands up to my breasts and start massaging them.  Playing with my small hard nipples.  Squeezing and twisting and making myself moan.  

You start to unbutton and unzip your pants.  You pull out your dick and start to stroke it.  I get excited.  Bite my bottom lip and twist my nipple harder.  I moan louder.  My mouth watering at the sight of your hard dick in your hand.  I start to get up wanting to get to it.  Wanting so bad for it to be in my mouth and down my throat.

"No. Stay there."  you quickly say.  

So I do.  And I watch you watching me for what seemed like forever.  Stroking.  Up and down. Up and down.  Until you finally get up.  Drop your pants.  

And as you get close to me, I can feel the way the tip of your dick brushes against my bush and it sends chills up my spine, goosebumps invade my skin. As you push against me to kiss my lips.  Then your tongue is meeting mine until its so deep down my throat and the feeling of giving into you is all I want to do in that moment.  And as we continue to kiss.  I feel the way your dick rushes in.  I wrap my legs around your waist then thrust after thrust after delicious thrust and I moan so deep into your mouth and my nipples brush against your shirt.  I quickly start to unbutton it.  I need your skin against mine, desperately.  After I get it off,  our lips still locked.  And the way you haven't stopped fucking me.  I pull you closer to me bringing you down on top of me while I lie on my back on that cold desk.  You start to bite and kiss my neck. Rough, hungry bites. And with one hand you're digging into the side of my right hip and with the other hand you have my wrists pinned against the desk.  As if you want to eat me alive every time your dick goes deeper inside of me.  Harder.  Deeper.  

"mmm daddy.  don't stop!"  I scream. The way you have my arms pinned down and the harder you fuck me has me going crazy until it feels like you're about to cum but you don't.  You stop and tell me to turn over onto my stomach legs down against the desk.  You have your dick in the left hand stroking.  And the other hand you use to slap my ass.  One cheek at a time.  Slapping harder each time and I moan and I scream and I beg you for more.  You give them one last slap and I'm sure you left your handprints all over.  A reminder that I am yours, and only yours. 

You get close to me and I feel the way you guide your dick back inside of me.  One hard thrust and I scream in ecstasy.  You're grinding against me.  

"Go deeperrr,"  I half purr and moan.  

and when you lean over on top of me, you do exactly that. 

While you bite me gently on the shoulders and back.  You move back up to my neck and kiss and lick up and down.  More love bites.  

And when you get up.  I start to fuck back.  Bouncing my ass on your dick. Your hands slapping my cheeks.  All I can hear is the way you say 

"Fuck yessss."

So I fuck you harder and I go faster and I can feel the way you stare at the way my ass bounces off your dick. 

And when I feel you're about to cum I start grinding on it.

Tonight the kids went to bed early after dinner. After the the daily routine of getting them to brush their teeth and wind down, we finally had the moment,  the time to ourselves.  It was a long unfulfilling day at work. We both retreat to our bedroom where you plop into bed , exhausted and when you proceed to reach for your phone to continue the day with more mind numbing scrolling,  I start to undress at the foot of the bed.  Taking my time knowing that I'll catch your attention.  I start with my pants then take off my shirt. I stand there braless but wearing basic panties, per usual. And you look up and I smile. And wiggle my finger for you to get up and follow me.  You don't think twice and throw your phone on the bed and I laugh.  You get up and the closer you get, I slowly start to turn away and head towards the bathroom. Once we're in you pinch my ass cheek and then give it a lil jiggle with your hand.  I turn to face you and I begin to undress you.  Taking off your shirt and then gently kissing all over your chest. And you run your fingers through my hair...

I unbutton your pants and they fall to the ground. And I begin to  caress your balls. Massaging them. I light the candles and turn off the light then start the shower.  We continue to undress and we hold each other until the bathroom is filled with steam. I go to slide the door open, turn the water down and once its warm we're in taking turns getting wet.  I turn the water off and i begin to lather a loofah with body scrub / wash so that I can lather your body down from head to toes. I stand behind you rubbing and scrubbing your back work my way up and down from your neck down to your waist back up again to your shoulders down your arms. Going back to the middle of your back..your butt. Down your legs. Slowly, gently..so lovingly. In between scrubbing I make sure to give you little massages where I can feel you're tense and

You close your eyes taking deep breaths inhaling the scent of the fresh eucalyptus that hangs from the shower head then slowly exhaling all the worries and stress from your day. Inhaling love. Exhaling all the bullshit that found its way inside of you throughout the day. And I keep scrubbing and massaging.  I work my way towards to the front of you and I stand there making sure I take my time.  Loving the way you feel in my hands.  Pouring all my love and care into every part of your body. Making sure I wash away any unwanted energy that attached itself to you. And you standing there, eyes closed in that warm, steam filled candlit bathroom is all that I  could ever want and my hands all over your chest, washing and feeling you.  And I trace my fingers slowly down until I reach your dick and you open your eyes and stare into mine while i stroke it slow. Lathering it up. Stroking it again and again and again. And I kiss your lips and when you kiss back, you kiss me like me and that moment are all that you ever want and I stroke faster and  your kiss leaves me breathless and you begin to to wrap your arms around me and bring me in close.  You grab the loofah and begin to

Lather it on my chest ..bringing it up to my neck and then down again. You go extra slow on my breasts, squeezing my nipples while you lather them up.  Work your way down to my belly and back up to my armpits and you tickle me and I scream a lil and you put your mouth to mine so I don't wake up the kids and I kiss you again.  And while we kiss you work your way down to my pussy. Lathering in circular motion. And in between i can feel your fingers grazing my clit and get goosebumps.  I realize the room isn't as warm so I turn the water back on and let it get hot enough for both of us to stand under it and we rinse then repeat. Once its nice and steamy, we turn it back off and you push me up against the wall and start to scrub my back and my ass, arms and neck.  Taking your time.  You get so close to me, drop the loofah and put your hands on my breasts. And you slowly make your way inside of me and I moan a little, the way my moan hits the wall and the way you push inside me so deep, so slow.  The way the candlelight filters through the steam and I feel like I'm high up and the way your dick goes inside of me is ecstasy and the way you're whispering I love you baby into my ear makes me melt even more. And we make love and when you cum inside of me you stand there holding me a little longer, a little more. And I turn around and kiss your cheek and you kiss my forehead and we finish showering and brush our teeth then we get dried up and walk naked to bed where I tell you to lay on a towel because I have a surprise for you. 

I walk around the room to light some more candles and sage.  Walk back to you as you lie on your stomach with your head propped up as you  watch my every move.  I walk back to you and give you a gummy or two?  I take one too.  I walk back to the dresser and start to pull out the coconut oil and all the other essential oils I'm going to need to rub you down.  

I get everything on our bed ..the room is dim and i go to sit on the back of your legs.  I pour some coconut oil and lavender into the palm of my hand and I rub it together right before I place it on your back and i start to rub it in.  Nice and slow. Up and down i massage your back going down your butt to the back of your legs. Focusing on all the spots.  And I keep working my way up and down.  I scoot my naked self up a little higher so that I start moving from your back towards your neck and your shoulders.  Going in a little hard because you're so tense.  And the coconut oil and lavendar fill the room as I continue to massage the back of your neck and shoulders.  This goes on for a little while longer and I can feel the gummy starting to kick in.  I tell you to turn over so

I can start rubbing the oil onto your feet and I move my way up  slowly rubbing on your legs.  Your thighs. Inner thighs. When i get to your balls ..i stays there a little while massaging them.  Stroking your dick ..I move up to your chest and use both of my hands to rub you down.  Using both my hands as if your chest was a canvas and I was spreading my love all over it with coconut and lavender oils.  I move up to your face and your ears and back down to your shoulders.  By this time my naked body is hovering over yours and i can really feel the gummy now and I can tell it finally hit you too and I lean down to trace your lips with my tongue. And when you try to kiss me , I pull my head back, scoot back down until my mouth and my tongue are on your balls. Licking and suckin.  Enjoying the way your soft balls feel in my mouth while I stroke  your hard dick.  I then use my tongue to make my way up,up until I get to the tip of your dick and I kiss it and I lick it then I make sure that you're looking into my eyes asyour dick goes into my mouth, into my throat. And I suck on it and choke on it and spit on it. And we never once break eye contact. I spit on it one last time and use my hand to rub it all in and stroke right before I climb on top ..i get close and kiss you passionately. And while you're distracted with the heat of our kiss, I slide your dick inside of me and start to ride you slow.  I make you moan. And I grind on you so hard and so deep. And we're both high out of our minds and all we can smell is that coconut lavendar mixed with sage.  And you place your hands on my hips and you squeeze. And you say damn baby.  And that makes me ride you quicker ..and i feel desperate to have you even deeper inside of me and I lean over and down to kiss you hungrily.  I bite on your lips then I put your mouth to my titties and you start licking and sucking the way you know will drive me crazy.  And I'm moaning ooo DC. Mmm daddy. And you keep sucking and I keep riding you and now I'm moaning louder and fuckin you so hard.  And when you come up for air from suckin my titties, it's only to say mmm shit, fuuuck.