genuine dick sucker

white people say "he doesnt bite" before watching their untrained labradoodle mix do devil may cry combos on your yorkie

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3 cookies deep and it all starts to make sense

Cup of milk and i start moving like neo

“you’d fumble some girl asking for your star sign by going Um akshually it’s pseudoscience ☝️🤓” she’d fumble me by believing in astrology ngl

oh blorbo from my shows? haha yeah man i love that guy. i hope something terrible happens to him in front of his loved ones that he barely survives and i get to watch.

Nobody wants to work anymore

there should be a jesus on the cross emoji. not for any religious reasons. just so I can use it for every slight inconvenience.

my 5 year plan? find the energy to use my human body to participate in the world in some form or fashion