most brutal weeks of my life but you know what? i used to read about bullshit romantic/forced proximity-esque tropes like the ones I've been experiencing with someone, only difference is that they always resulted in happy endings, but mine won't.
so what better way to cope than to use these experiences as fanfic inspiration? maybe that is the gift of being alive and feeling and experiencing everything that makes us human and using it for emotional outlets.
being able to feel and be present in life is the biggest blessing and the biggest curse and it's always interchangable.
and this goes beyond me waxing poetics about a person im interested in, it's only me talking about the experience of actually feeling alive and not just spending every waking day going through the motions and doing every little thing that strings together a day in your life like it's a chore and not like it's something you do out of the pure need to feel alive and present.
the illusion of going through the motions to the point where they feel automatic rather than satisfactory is broken when you meet someone that touches your soul once and coincidentally changes the whole way of how your mind is wired. your brain chemistry is re-written to accomodate the sheer magnitude of change, no, of feelings.
you begin to take notice of every little thing, and that's truly the gift of being human, isn't it?
and no, this is not about a certain someone, not completely, at least. good thing that the people secretly woven into the intricacies of this text will never find this.