Whispers of thought

Through The Loving Eyes Of An Autistic Child

My Autistic son, gave me the lesson of a lifetime today. I will NEVER complain about how poor I am again.

I sent Andrew to Applied Behavioral Therapy this morning with a very simple lunch consisting of a bologna sandwich and a banana. I was a little ashamed, but we are between paydays so the goodies weren’t available.

He has a hard time on long days, as it is more time around people, so his panic disorder tends to get him in trouble. I wanted to secretly observe him, just to make sure he was emotionally doing well. I decided to take lunch early, just to reassure myself of his wellbeing.

The children were attending an outside class today, as the weather was gorgeous. When I got to the park, lunch was already starting. I noticed my son and one other child, a little girl, were carefully seated away from the normal commotion of the other nine or so children. In the midst of seating and organizing everyone the ABT therapists had missed something very important.

The little girl seated next to my son, DID NOT HAVE A LUNCH BAG! She said nothing; just quietly hung her head. Andrew didn’t miss a beat! Silently, he took his sandwich out, laid each half on the flowery paper towels I had put in his bag, and slid a half in front of her. Neither child spoke. She glanced up, for a split second, and he was brave enough, just for a fraction of a moment, to meet her eyes. Both children smiled as they ate. Still, neither spoke. They didn’t need to

My Autistic child, with the emotional ability of a five year old; who doesn’t trust people; who has NEVER asked for a toy in his life; just spoke volumes. You see, it didn’t matter that his lunch wasn’t fancy or wasn’t the best. It didn’t matter that there wasn’t a lot of it. Someone had less than he did.

He didn’t need the TV newsman to witness him do a good deed. He didn’t need the world to know. Someone was hungry, and he had a little bit of food. He was going to share it no matter what. He didn’t need credit for it. He just NEEDED to do it…simply, because his heart said so.

In that moment, witnessing this act of kindness, so sweetly and quietly demonstrated by my SPECIAL NEEDS son, I was so filled with pride. Yet, I had to stop and wonder. How many of us - adults - who are NOT special needs, notice it, when someone around us. GOES HUNGRY?

How many people work right beside you, and can’t even afford the bologna I put on Andrew’s sandwich. Would you notice? Have you noticed? Have you simply and quietly, without expecting any recognition, or something in return, reached out to help? If not, why?

In this Amazing Country why are we not noticing the person working next to us has not eaten in two days and is living on free coffee to cover it up. Why are we not noticing her sudden weight loss without asking why; if only to ourselves?. This is such a rich and hope filled country. Please open your eyes and learn from the simple act of a little boy most people look away on the street, to avoid seeing. I certainly have learned so very much from him and I am more grateful every day that I am the lucky woman he calls, Mommy.

Disclaimer: This was a therapy assignment. Sorry folks

Writing Prompt: One Miracle I have recently witnessed

Puppies being born, a few years back.  

I have an amazing medical dog. She has been with me since 2012. She is a mix between a Rhodesian Ridgeback, a Japanese Chin, and a tiny touch of Dachshund to limit her size. We are seamless now, in our knowledge of one another. The amazing ways she continues to bring life into my life never stops surprising me. She is intuitive and protective. She is also loving, playful; even pouty at times. She is hilarious! I jokingly say she is the keeper of my soul. It may be said in laughter, but nothing is truer. No soul is closer to me, human or otherwise.

When she was originally given to me, I also received a spaying voucher. Unfortunately, like most things money, it had an expiration date. I was sick. I went right into hospital. I lived there a little over a month. The voucher expired. I never worried much over it. My girl was a very close, inside dog. She had no chance of roaming to meet boys.  Babies just weren’t a possibility, right? A year later we momentarily rescued an unfixed male from abuse.

And while she was pregnant …. my girl would lie in my lap and push her belly up. She loved the constant rub; she demanded it now. I didn’t mind. It was exciting going through the short pregnancy with her. She enjoyed every stage and sensation… This dog was a carer. She was meant for motherhood! The bigger she got, the more she loved it.  

During that time, however, I too was going through a lot; medically. My life had just up-ended again. All it had taken was six simple letters. They could have been put together in any other way, but someone, somewhere had chosen to put them together this way. I wonder, did they ever imagine what those simple letters, put together, in just that way, would do to a life - a person? C A N C E R. By themselves the letters seem and feel harmless, right? Put together they become a prison of self pity. They become a death sentence. I wonder, did the person putting them together know?

Anyhow, after much preparation and discussion about treatment plans, etc, I finally underwent a bilateral radical modified mastectomy.  It was a rough day.  I came home home from hospital the same night I had surgery. I had chosen to do the surgery as an outpatient. I felt I could recover better at home. Emotionally, I was teetering. I was deflated. 

  I took my girl, with a large bowl of her favorite weenie pieces, straight to bed for a good cry when I got home. Approximately one that morning, she deliberately woke me. She was behaving oddly. She was pacing the end of the bed and periodically licking her backside. I knew she was in labor.  I woke my son. We put her in a prepared welping box. She refused She returned to my lap. We gently placed her back into the overly padded box. She came back. We tried again. She insisted. This continued for an hour or so. Not wanting to disturb her any further, my son brought towels for my lap. She had chosen!

She saved me that night.  She pushed each new baby to me with her nose; five in all. She nervously made sure every pup had my seal of approval. She WANTED my participation. She continued inviting me. I lived in wonder, the first few days. I simply couldn’t wrap my mind around what she was doing. I didn’t think of my pain or my health at all.

Does anyone REALLY believe in miracles any more? There was an unknown era prior to our being. Time was young. People were innocent. They couldn’t explain many of the things around them. A night blooming flower appeared to be magical. A rash from poison ivy suddenly disappearing as quickly as it came left us in awe. Unexplained things now understood by the simplicity of science felt like a miracle.

Time marched forward. Humanity matured. We began to quantify and qualify the things around us. We were on the cusp of understanding our world through the open and curious use of science.

We developed our spiritual mind too. The idea of god became paramount. Numerous “prophets” and shaman began creating incalculable numbers of supremacy boasting, and fear inducing religions. We had reached humanitiy’s terrific toddlerhood. At this point in our evolution we were asking the main questions; who am I, why am I here. We never have answered those.

We developed more and more technology. We freed ourselves from more and more mundane tasks. We found there were twice as many “educated” tasks to do. They required more of our time than the unremarkable jobs ever had. We worked more. We slept less. We spent less time with the people around us; those we call family. We resented it. Yet, we couldn’t help ourselves.

New Microsoft Xboxes, Amazon echoes, Sony PlayStations, and Ipods flew off store shelves. They couldn’t be produced, or stocked, quick enough. The hunger was almost electric. You could feel it in the air. We; people; sentient human beings, were addicted! We were hooked! We just couldn’t get the newest electronic fast enough…. no matter what the cost.

Then it happened. We discovered telecommuting. We didn’t really have to give so much to the office. We developed home office flexibility. At the same time, we understood…we don’t REALLY need to watch five hours of television each evening. The hours and hours on the video games and ever addicting computers, could be monitored and limited too! We COULD do better. We could go to the kids recital at 10:30, and still skype that meeting by 3 that afternoon. We could vacation again; without being nervous we would end up with a thousand units of teaboxes for the diplomat from South Africa, instead of a thousand units of teaberries!

We began jogging again. We settled in. We finally smiled. We were taking midday walks -just because there were raindrops to play in! We blew bubbles with the children, and gave up the pharmaceuticals. Suddenly, life was fun.

We began exploring ideas and activities we had long been too caught in life to experience. We found joy in household tasks we had simply been avoiding. Even the forever dreaded “monster”, cooking, became fun. The corporate office no longer chained us to it. Yet, we remained completely accomplished.

Life. We began to live. We began to walk out the front door and notice the little honey bee, very busy atop the shiny garnet colored rose. We listen intently again as the hormone filled lads challenged each other to a friendly game of flag football. We caught the paperboy - before he launched the evening edition, knocking over our favorite porch pot; again.

Your Words Matter!

The way YOU speak to YOUR child is important

Don’t you love waking up after having good dreams that YOU are actually in? Isn’t it funny how the good feelings cross-over for the entire day?

I Love You Better