human giraffe

what a lot of people on here don’t seem to understand is that shane is going to outfreak ilya every single time. I’m rewatching ep 1 and five (5) seconds into his very first gay experience ever shane hollander is on his knees hob slobbering. ilya puts his thumb near (near) shane’s mouth and shane is swallowing that thing. like yes ilya has more experience but shane has the vision

why did God give me these battles (getting dressed and leaving the house)

it’s the funniest thing in the world to me watching shane make earnest attempts at bratting and missing every time. my little bratfailure. in the vegas bathroom when he tells ilya to suck his dick with that trembling voice and then he immediately turns away from him and wells up with tears. you tried baby. in the hotel room when he throws his underwear and ilya and then we see his life flash before his eyes. you tried baby! cottage roleplay when he’s trying to be all coy only to have ilya spread him out and make him purr like a kitten in 2 seconds. baby we see you trying. phone sex scene where he’s like nooooo stopppppp ilyaaaaaa and then proceeds to climb on the back of the couch for No Reason in his 2” inseam shorts so his dick is eye level with ilya’s mouth for No Reason At All. it’s okay shane baby you can’t be good at everything.

Shane is so happy to see Ilya in the hospital that you can actually see the fear in that man's eyes. He walks in the room and sees that Shane has, in his infirmity, allowed the words 'WHERE is the man I FUCK' to be written across his forehead and his eyeballs. Ilya walks in the room and Shane says "Heeeey! :D" and you can see the arithmetic going on in Ilya's terrified gaze as he calculates exactly how many seconds he can be in Shane's presence without him just dissolving into a mess because Ilya won't give him kisses. He backs out of the room whispering "Shhh" because Shane "Heart Eyes" Hollander is liable to tell everyone he encounters for the next six hours how many moles Ilya has on his stomach. He sits in his car afterward and Googles shit like 'Do nurses take Hippocratic oath' and 'What is doctor-patient confidentiality' and 'Shane Hollander thirst trap' but that one is just to calm himself down. He texts Shane the 🤫 emoji every hour on the hour for the next two and a half days. Shane responds with 😚 and Ilya spirals.

Ilya really said the rumors are true. I am a whore and a slut. but ☝️ I love your boring son.

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