Rumination is probably the most common type of OCD compulsion, but I rarely see anyone talking about it. I've talked to multiple people diagnosed with OCD who didn't even recognize it as a compulsion.

Basically, if you have OCD you have terrible intrusive thoughts. They can be about anything, but common themes are fear of being a bad person, fear of hurting someone, fear of contamination. etc.

Rumination is when you get stuck in a spiral. Rumination is when you spend hours catastrophizing, overthinking, analyzing, telling yourself it's going to be okay.

I'll say it again:

Rumination is a compulsion.

Rumination is a compulsion, and that means you have to stop doing it.

I did ERP (exposure response prevention) for my OCD with a therapist! For 9 months! And it did help, but the idea didn't really click until I found this website a couple years later.

And Oh My God. It made things make so much more sense, and I was able to pull myself out of an episode even though I wasn't in therapy or on meds at the time.

Genuinely if you have OCD, or even if you suspect you have OCD, I'm begging you to read some of these articles.

Like this was genuinely life changing for me.

Here are some of the ones that were most helpful to me:

Defining Rumination

How to Stop Ruminating

ERP Exercises for Compulsive Rumination

Roman:

Deceit:

Logan:

Virgil:

Patton:

Remus:

Twins:

Also Virgil:

Well for one thing it’s thanks to Epic that Color discovered his flames could be made into a flamethrower.

Killer always refuses Epic’s chocolate chip cookies and Color always says it’s just “a Killer thing.” Killer doesn’t like that Epic seems to automatically understand what that means. He is not strange enough to require having “a thing,” right?

Killer has definitely tried to fight Epic. Possibly even kill him. Simply because he wants to know what the fuck is up with Epic’s eye.

I like to think that when he’s in Stage 2, Killer likes to find ways to unsettle Epic or attempt to keep him on his toes. Killer probably struggles to read Epic a lot more than most, and unfortunately for Epic, that has made him Killer’s latest soul in a jar.

Figuratively. Color wouldn’t like it if he made a lab rat of his “friend”…and Killer supposes he wouldn’t like upsetting Color. Maybe.

Doesn’t mean he can’t stab him, doesn’t it. It’s not killer’s fault if epic happens to lose a finger or two. (Which never happens. Because Epic seems to have insane reflexes.)

But either he is used to people wanting to dismember him for science (and isn’t that an interesting thought..) or Color warned Epic about Killer. Probably that orange one too.

Epic acts like they are good friends and not like Killer is dissecting him with his eyes and memorizing things about him and also trying to dismember him. And also apparently doesn’t like it when Epic takes his spot near Color on the couch.

Ultimately, Killer’s territorial bullshit and sadistic musings die down a little with more exposure to Epic and his personality, although Epic suspects the killer part of him still wants to strap epic to a table and start pulling him apart.

..Color says thats just how he is and not to worry about it, but Epic has doubts. He can see the thousand ways Killer is planning to brutally murder him, and the worst part of all, is that it’s not even because he hates him or is even jealous of him.

It’s just because he’s curious.

So I like to think this a bit of a thing for them, becomes super casual for killer to attempt to slit Epic’s throat and for Epic to expertly dodge out of the way. It’s like a cat-and-mouse game, and killer would lose respect for him if killer manages snag or kill him.

And of course there’s a factor that the big thing for him is making and persevering memories, so of course he’d be into scrapbooking—almost obsessively. His scrapbooks are vastly important to him—they’re him. They’re his life. Proof he exists. That he’s known. That he was loved.

Anyone who destroys or even jokes about destroying or stealing them—this is probably a big betrayal for Color. Betrayal of his trust.

I have no doubt he’d break down if something were to happen to his scrapbooks, his grief and betrayal and existential dread would likely translate into overwhelming rage and hatred at whoever did it. Regardless of who it was. Doesn’t matter if it was just a joke or a prank.

Those emotions may quickly then turn in on himself if he feels that his emotions are unkind or unjust towards whoever hurt him. Which could result in an outburst of emotions directed towards himself that, similar to what happened back in the Void with Gaster, requires external intervention to prevent him from either seriously harming/mutilating himself, or dying.

Other than scrapbooking, I also think he’d be big in both nature photography and Astrophotography.

Astrophotography makes Color feel more like Sans than he’s ever been in what feels eternity.

I like to think that the child who had the Integrity soul adored the stars, despite not knowing as much about them as Perseverance might (potentially being the type of soul who dabbles in various topics of information, such as scientific fields, and potentially had an interest in space for awhile) reminders that they aren’t alone. Mostly because it’s mentioned in the wikis that the Integrity soul attacks with stars and ballet shoes.

airing this out a bit cause it personally is bugging me a bit

Keep in mind though however these are MY opinions,how I see and interrupt the character.

Let me make this clear now,I am a system. And have felt like I could relate to killer for a long time now in a way I can't explain exactly unfortunately. I know the D.I.D stuff he shows is not on purpose yet that still sticks with me,it makes me feel seen as due to the fact we didn't know or view ourself very positively as a system for a very long time and struggled like him with the different parts or 'stages' for his case...

And it's a EXTREMELY complex thing too so im not putting any iron wall dnis over it or anything but I won't take any bad mouthing over the disorder being inherently 'bad' as it isn't. Killer survived but he didn't come out in one piece, he kape out broken,hurt emotionally and physically,abused and twisted in ways he reasonably never should have

And I feel that color doesn't do him much help...not everyone will want to try and grasp and understand the fact that Killer just isn't sans anymore,at all. Won't accept the fact of the different stages or anything being of their own personalities thats held yet part of a bigger picture that makes up *killer* and I feel color would be to fixated on trying to make him back to who he used to be before the trauma or force the idea of final fusion(where all alters in a system fuse into one personality) over trying to help killer in the ways he'd really need like therapy,any potential needed medication and to help killer sort out what would feel best for him be it to try and reach that single personality/stage state or accept his other parts and figure out how to navigate life like that as well even if it would be rocky as hell at first.

It isn’t Color who wants Killer to go back to being Sans. It’s Killer who wants to magically go back to being Sans. That is their canon. It’s Killer who says he wants his old life back, that he wants his brother back, that he wants to be Sans again. Color brings up his soul because it’s literally being used a tool to control him—and killer can never get what he’s saying he wants if something isn’t done to address his soul and the way it can be used against him.

All Color did was tell him to stop doing what everyone else wants, and then asked Killer what Killer wants. Killer told him what he wanted. Even if it may not actually be the most realistic or helpful thing for him in the end. Even if he later changes his mind.

Killer wants to be sans. Could color hyperfixate on trying to help him get what he wants? Sure, yes. But it wouldn’t be coming from a place of disrespect or wanting killer to be normal or thinking he knows what’s best or trying to control. It would be coming from a place of wanting to sincerely help his friend reclaim his life and independence, do the one thing for him that he has asked him to do.

But ultimately: Color has always respected what Killer wants. This is why Killer even trusted him enough to ask for help or explain his soul stages to him at all in the first place.