me???? tired???? sleepy???? yes constantly

obsessed with the 6 year old girl who just told me girls have sharper canines because we "need to suck blood sometimes"

ah yes. the classic “I can’t sleep because it will be tomorrow in an instant and tomorrow requires things of me and I Simply Do Not Vibe With That”. so I’ll go through said tomorrow on 2 hours of sleep. very smart and once again no lessons will be learned

when your cat licks his paw…then rubs his head with the paw… wow….that’s his shmapoo and conditioner…..

My ideal daily schedule? 4 hours of light activity followed by 20 hours of lounging, sleeping, and snuggling in the biggest bed imaginable 

i’m into really low commitment hangouts like lying on the floor near each other or falling asleep together or falling into an endless void together

We can't ibuprofen our way outta this one boys

This post was meant as a joke but it has come to my attention that literally none of us are ok

playing a rhythm game is like don't think don't think let your fingers do their thing dont think dONT THINK EMPTY YOUR BRAIN RIGH- AAAAAAAAA THE COMBO!!!!!!

The second you start thinking about the fact that you’re playing the rhythm game you fuck up. That’s how it goes

i love when very small bats open their mouths real big and it takes up the entirety of their faces, you can barely even see their eyes

Politicians should be paid minimum wage.

They should want to do it because it's a service to their community and the work is fulfilling, not because it makes them money.

They can petition for a raise once a year during their review, but it cannot exceed 25% of their hourly rate.

my refrigerator w legs barrels towards me and grabs me and stuffs me into its vegetable drawer then casually walks away

Hey is

Is your refrigerator running

my refrigerator w legs is standing in the middle of your street gripping a rolling pin. are you running?

What do I want? A break. When do I want it? Constantly.

Even saying ”I’m so sorry, I completely forgot” sounds marginally better than ” I’m so sorry, I didn’t completely forget, I actually completely remembered. I thought about it the whole time and it stressed me out so much my brain built an insurmountable wall around it.”