My main Headcanon is that despite Hidans immaturity he actually actually good big brother today Deidara and Itachi.
Like despite how he acts he actually has some pretty good relationship advice here and there.
Hidan: Oi, blondie ... what's with that ugly-ass face you're making?
Deidara: *sighs* Please don't mess with me today, man. I'm not in the mood, hm.
Hidan: Why? You got some wood splinters in the ass or what? Puppet-dick ain't being so careful with you, huh?
Deidara: Shit, I wish that was the case. I wish ANYTHING was the case. But Danna and me ... well ... it's like I don't exist to him sometimes, hm. He's always so obsessed with his puppets and making his poisons that I feel like I barely see him, and when I DO see him, I always feel like I'm bugging him, hm.
Hidan: Ah, you shoulda told me that shit sooner! Ya know what you do? Leave for a while.
Hidan: Yeah. Come with me, I'm going to that special winter market to get some of that herbal tea shit for the old fucker. Christmas present. I'll be gone at least three days. Come with me. Don't tell puppet-dick you're going. If he cares about ya, he'll notice that you're gone and be worried about ya. If we get back and it seems like he didn't even notice, then it's time to ditch his ass. Know your worth, blondie. You're better than waiting around for a guy to pay attention to you, man.
Deidara, surprised: I ... never would have expected that. Okay, you're right, hm. I'll go with you!
*Itachi comes in from the other room*
Itachi: Sorry to intrude, but I couldn't help but hear your conversation. May I go with you both as well?
Hidan: Really? What about shark-dick?
Itachi: *sighs* Kisame is leaving on a week-long excursion to meet up with some of his old swordsmen friends. They get together once or twice a year to train. He says it would be too much for me, with my health. But I should be able to handle a trip to the market ...
Hidan: Oi, oi ... you fuckers are in worse shape than I thought. But okay, you come along with us, too. Y’know sometimes it’s “healthy” in relationships to get some distance from the other person. Also, you’re looking really pale, Red-Eyes. We can get you some fruit or something at the market.
Itachi: You’re probably right.
Hidan: And both of you don’t gotta worry about shit. If you’re tired, I can protect ya both. *unsheaths his scythe and shows it to them* I got new blades, so I can kill a fucker that’s gettin’ too close!
Deidara: Not sure if that makes me feel safer or more scared, hm. But either way i appreciate it! C’mon, let’s get going already!
Kakuzu: This tea is absolutely divine … *leans over and kisses Hidan’s cheek* Thank you, Hidan.
Hidan: Shit, it ain’t a big deal. Glad ya like it, old fuck. Honestly I’m more proud of my other work.
*in the next room, Kisame has Itachi sitting on his lap while Kisame brushes his hair, and Sasori is intently listening to Deidara talk, holding his hands while engaged in direct eye contact*
Hidan: Yep! Hey, if this Akatsuki thing goes to shit, I might just get a job as a marriage counselor or some shit!
