jardin de mes pensées

but also damn... things have changed so so much in a year... i was just telling irl homie how i had so many plans for the future... and i could have never ever see Guilty Gear bumping into my life and litteraly knock everythign off the table?! its like when that new love comes into your life and fucks up everything but in a good way... VENOM WHAT HAVE YOU DONE ARGH

with the online community and FGC irl and meeting all kinds of new ppl... it's just such a new exp and strange and never htoguht i'd experience that DX but it's been wodnerful tho aaa

sure there's up and down but damn... in general life is just so much better now after cutting leeches off my life

and despite the whole doom and gloom shit ugh fucking kill me i miss the good old days, idk it was bad too but at least we had hope idk idk DX

i do miss a bit jojo tho T_T i hope to come back to it when the anime airs... as i said, there's just so much history for me with that serie hahaa GG is like the new GF for now

but wait until the honeymoon fades...

actually wait until all of this fade, sometimes i can't wait for this flame in me to die, to be just a shallow shell who doesn't need to tell stories and doesn't need to create and just live day by day not thinking anymore. i'm tired of being full of emotions and feelings and ppl putting me down for at least trying to be happy T_T like shit, leeches gotta tear me up irl and online there's no escape

i think ppl just hate having fun idk

jk jk i think i'm just bored sometimes... or tired, i'm tired of shitty ppl but at the same time i love ppl

or ig

in 10+ years being on the internet, i must have commissioned around 30 artists the first 5-6 years. i'm sad to say, i would say around 14 on 30 made me wait 4-6 months without any news, unless i wrote them...

which okay i understand, life happens

but maybe don't announce your art commissions if you can't make your client feel "safe"...? because many times i feared of being scammed after the 5th time. but i continued to commissioned because i wanted to support the artists i admired

i told someone once i waited 6 months no news, and they said i was being impatient

ha

haha

we're not really friends anymore. for many other reasons but that one, yeah

that one stang lmaooo thanks for having my back dude. i was a poor student so it meant a lot to commission artists i loved

i paid 60$-100$ and i'm being "impatient" when i have no news from the artist and they keep posting art on their acc...

yes, i'm throwing a tantrum here

but idk i'm just somewhere a bit glad i'm not the only one. i myself have been doing art commissions for around 10 years and i never had to refund anyone, because i made sure to contact them asap and deliver under a month.

it would make me feel guilty if i delayed their commission over a month, so personally i prefer to deliver under that period of time. and again, i understand life happens. Although, imo it's more respectable if you tell your client that you can't make it anymore. Plus, maybe don't open your commission in the first place if you can't deliver in a reasonable time, idk?

no matter how much i may love an artist's art, if you disrespect my time like this, then i'm gone, sorry OTL and it's not picasso painting artstyle that take 20 hours that i'm commissioning, it's cel-shaded art like mine which is you know. can be completed in 4-6 hours imo. but you can't find that time in 6 months...?

i never made any call out or anything of the sort because i believe it should be handled in private but damn. one time i asked for refund and the artist blocked me after, it was even a moot

which okay, i understand, but also how about deliver what i paid for?

now i only commission art friends and ppl i trust. ig it's my fault for having had hope into another artist, is that it?

UT fans have been so entitled and rude litteraly for a decade to me. ik it comes in all fandoms, but UT fans specifically... hmm

it's not for nothing i could come back to Jojo even after an almost 3 year break, i met insanely kind ppl who re-ignited the flame for it for me

i've been remaking Jojo art for maybe 3 years now and Guilty Gear art for a year now and i plan to stay there, prolly until i retire online. i'm very happy in those communities atm, with how kind ppl have been to me

I feel very lucky to still have a job and be able to do this on the side. I'm eternally grateful for my supporters and fans and friends for supporting whatever i post, it's amazing to be able to make what you want out of passion and fun and have ppl still suporting you, i don't think everyone has this chance...

but UT fandom to me now, always feels like you have someone breathing down your neck or a gun to your head. so for my own sanity and my joy of life, i'm never touching it again. there's plenty of amazing new artists who still join this fandom, i feel the "flamme as been passed" a long time ago. So please consider supporting them instead

if you want me to make something specific, please consider commissioning me, it's very rude to yell at strangers just like this guy. maybe they're young, maybe not, i've seen adults like this too

yes i had supporters back then to help, but as a poor student, i would take any jobs i could, plus making freelance. my Patreon would only make around 200$ (and it's still an amazing milestone! but ehh), but with the cost of life, an appartment to pay at around 1000$ per months back then (and that's not even including the grocerie and transport which are about another 100$), there's no way i could have done the rest of the UT battles out of my free time...

it's still and will always be disappointing how lots of ppl don't see u as a human anymore once you "made it", ur just a content creator a machine that should produce viral posts daily... i just wanted to make friends, making business and selling merch was an opoportunity for me, but not my priority

if i'm estimating this right, i think a whole animation video like my Undyne could normally be priced at somewhere around 2k-6k. i made the whole thing all alone by myself. from storyboard to BG to animation to color... like it was all out of passion so