perhaps i have never even seen a beach

no DNIs we just post content specifically catered to ourselves that will coincidentally alienate anyone with whom we would not want to interact

Your heart is not true enough to enter the gates of Margaritaville

missing somebody you dont want back is a humiliation ritual

I hope I'm online when it happens. I want to see a sudden flood of crab rave memes right after refreshing my dash, and in the middle of it all, the Castiel news meme. That's how I want to learn of it; not through anything solemn or serious, but via overwhelming silly celebration.

am i allowed to say kill all trillionaires or is that too specific of a threat

Me, passing a car covered in horny thirst-trap anime girl stickers: while I personally find this to be cringe, given the national push for censorship, I must concede that this is technically Praxis.

sometimes when my mom gets drunk she goes into Liberated Women Mode, and one time she was real tipsy and while talking about her friend’s divorce, she very earnestly told me and my sister (both adults) that regardless of preference or relationship, she hoped we would both reach a point in our lives where we were having really good sex with really good people. and my sister said, “i do that now except the good people part” and i said, “sex is real?” and my mom didn’t love either of those answers

ur mom sounds hot is she single

my mom is in fact single, and if you are so determined then it’s not my fault when you find out why

We should leverage the desire for unique names to usher in cool sci-fi future names, instead of naming your kid Qaile (pronounced Kaylee) you can call them Corvus or Flere-Imsaho or whatever. Even better if you give them a matching surname.

“but what if you abort the baby who’ll cure cancer?!” sir the baby who will cure cancer is an organic chemistry major who works at a Home Depot because you use AI to go through your resumes

"I am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein’s brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops." - Stephen Jay Gould, The Panda's Thumb: More Reflections in Natural History

we’re so lucky that gilgamesh survived and is a banger. can you imagine if we found the oldest written human story ever recorded and it sucked balls.

Not gonna lie, as much as I want to be helpful and comprehensible, I am very proud of provoking that reaction image.

the issue with 2:15 is thats already 4 pm