jean confesses and jeremy desperately starts trying to convince jean that it is a bad idea. not because he cares what the others think or say but because jean deserves the best and it sure isn’t jeremy. he starts listing all the things he’s done wrong in his life, all the ways that he is wrong because jean needs to know. because he loves jean too much to let him end up with someone like him, it doesn’t matter that it’s everything he’s ever wanted in life, jean needs to know. but jean doesn’t listen, and jeremy has always been a weak man. so they get together.
they get together and jeremy still waits. he waits for the moment that jean will finally see everything. the moment that jean will look at him and realize that he deserves so much more. the moment he will see all the ugliness inside jeremy that he’s desperately trying to cover every day. the moment jean will realize there’s so much more to life than jeremy has to possibly offer, so many options he can easily have. he waits and keeps reminding himself that what they have isn’t forever. it’s an ugly thought, if jean were to know it would leave a frown so deep on his beautiful face, but this is not the first time jeremy hides something ugly inside him. so jeremy waits.
every time they argue, every time jean sighs louder than his normal, jeremy thinks it has come. he never thinks what he would do after, after the moment jean leaves him. he imagines all the scenarios how the moment would happen, all the things jean would possibly say, he imagines looking at jean’s beautiful back as he’s leaving jeremy behind, never the after. the aftermath of it is all darkness. jeremy knows what it means but he never thinks it. he has always been a weak man. he keeps waiting.
sometimes, there comes moments where he pushes jean’s limits on purpose. he says the wrong things, just to give him a reason. jean only looks at him as if he’s solved jeremy’s scheming, and jeremy thinks do it. he’s been waiting for so long.
jean gives him a name, a home, a family. he gives jeremy half of his heart and vows to choose him every time. he never lets the bed get cold. he holds jeremy every time he trips and his kisses make jeremy forget what he’s been even waiting for all this time. jeremy stops waiting. the moment never comes, anyway.
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