zuzu's petals

i love cutthroat kitchen but bingewatching makes it really stand out how often alton brown refers to himself as ‘daddy’ and makes contestants wear spreader bars

I’m sorry what

#I CAN’T BELIEVE I NOW KNOW WHERE TO BUY THE EXACT FETISH GEAR THEY USE ON MY FAVORITE COOKING SHOW

@genericrevenge

OKAY BUT WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY USING SPREADER BARS ON A COOKING SHOW??!??! DOESNT THAT MAKE IT KINDA HARD TO COOK???!?

@datas-vibrating-robot-dong this seems like your speed

BYE

A+ acting

“I… can’t… find… where I asked your dusty ass, broke ass, ain’t doing shit with ya life ass, ugly ass, ain’t know how to dress ass, no edges having ass, science experiment gone wrong lookin ass, a face a mother couldn’t love ass, number one contributing factor to global warming with ya hot gas producing ass, for your goddamn opinion!”

I think about this video all the time

we have achieved peak humanity, it’s all downhill from here

Shuri, also a gen z kid: don’t be a coward, jump out the window. Have some style would you

Some of you are so young… You weren’t here for Dashcon… Mishapocalypse… That fateful day when Pizza was deleted… There is much history you do not know children. Be grateful you’ll never have to live those horrors. Be grateful…

“I like your shoelaces”

Maybe I’m an old man but goddamn, these vampires with blood dripping down their chins–that’s your food!! THAT’S YOUR FOOD!! Close!! Your!! Mouth!! You think some asshole slobbering chicken noodle soup or yogurt or clam chowder all down themselves would be sexy??? What makes you any different, you sticky-stained slackjawed screwball??? Close your mouth!! Use a napkin!! And for godssakes stop looking so smug, like, “Oooo, I’m a creature of the night look at what sustains me” yeah uh huh a fucking lack of basic hygiene is what I’m seeing and it is not impressive!! At all!! My nephews are three years old and they drool less than you do!! You’re how many centuries old?!?! ACT LIKE IT

as much as I love thor I never want to see his eyebrows bleached again

#opening of thor 4: a zoom in on thor’s bleached eyebrows #as his voiceover plays: ‘I know what you’re thinking. You probably thought you’d never see me like this again.‘ #‘I rather thought the same. Unfortunately' #the camera does a rapid pan back to reveal Thor #sitting exasperated in a chair #while beside him loki lounges on a sofa #self-satisfied eith a bottle of bleach on the table in front of him #‘my brother is a little ****’ Thor finishes ( @wisterings )