The Ho Police

Dear Anonymous,

You have come to the right place, me, the expert on drinking things that are terrible accidentally.

Unfortunately you’ve failed what would be my first step of advice: Let no one know about this ever. From my experience if you drink a bad thing and it’s funny they shall never let you forget it. However, since no one can tie your message to you, probably, it’s fine. So don’t worry about that.

Your tongue will remember this sin forever, long after you have forgotten. It will pop up in your brain like an unruly ghost. “Hey, remember that terrible taste? That bad taste that happened? It was very unpleasant. Here is a hint of that, from the brain.” And that will happen from time to time. You learn to live with it.

If it’s any consolation you have my full solidarity and support. You also could probably get a punch for your thembo punchcard, if you happen to have one. You can get a free smoothie if you get all the punches.

I also want to comment that I appreciate your mason jar based household.

So, what do you do... You carry on, as all must. Perhaps now you will have stare downs with your mason jars before taking sips, as the haunting expired kefir smacks at your memory. If your daring drinkery continues, you may at least come out of it with additional funny stories, and that is always a silver lining.