Hoactzin

When you can see the underwear waistband peeking out above his pants reblog if you agree

imagining a universe where porn is a marketable genre so you have to deal with raycon ads while trying to jerk your shit

You’re an easy slut, aren’t you kitten? Almost as easy as dinner with Hellofresh

Why the hell does [tumblr] app have a whopping 3.5gb of cache. What could it possibly be storing.

I’m in there. Hi. Please don’t clear it

Oops.

⠀

When all you have is a screwdriver, every problem looks like. 🥴 like uh 🥴 you gotta screw. It.

they should invent a body that feels normal to be inside of

hey guys so the hero that keeps barging in my tower seems to be using some sort of chronomancy called “quick saving.” have we figured out any counters for that yet or what’s the deal

where to upgrade social battery. where to buy larger social battery. how to attach multiple social batteries. how to hang out with all your friends without getting tired. how to hang out with everyone you wanna hang out with without burning out. infinite social energy hack. nap tips

social battery rapid charger. social battery usable while plugged in. how to love everyone you love

mye social battery is pillow because im so sleepy

I just love barking so I really couldn’t give a fuck if this is the right tree or not haha

I just love barking so I really couldn’t give a fuck if this is the right tree or not haha

When all you have is a handsaw, every problem looks like a beautiful lady in a box. And you have a magician outfit. And people are watching.

just watched an interview with james ortiz (rocky’s puppeteer) where he’s like “they were torturing ryan gosling for this movie. it was killing him. he was developing isolation sickness in real life from being the only actor on set for 6 months. i needed to be there for him even when rocky wasn’t in frame to serve as his guiding light and the sole thread tethering him to the concept of love. i was kneeling at the altar” and what

and then in ryan goslings interviews he’s like “i was struggling in the depths of hell. until a beautiful puppeteer angel lifted me up out of the darkness and saved me so completely and understood the character so well we had to make him play the role for real”

basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*

*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god

*thunderous slam dunk noise*

you've met me at a very "yeah i'm trying to work on that" time in my life

failing a saw trap and as the life drains from your body you hear the oompa loompas come out and start singing