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last month, i was finally hired and earning a lot than i expected. for context, im a stay at home mom and i have been working from home but where im working, the pay is not really the best. my pay grade is so low in the industry i belong in but i held on to it for long becos i dont have any other options yet and i have bills to pay. in my thoughts, it's a blessing to still be able to work becos moms of old times all had to pause as working remotely was not something being offered as an option

my husband is a fire fighter and this is the space he built for me. on times like this, when it's raining really hard, i thank my asawa for what comfort this space has provided me and my kids. sturdy walls, reliable roofs that dont leak and a location that barely floods. it is a privilege to have this space. it's small but it was built from years of his hard kept money with aims to have a cozy space for us to start a family. every penny equates to days he had to risk his own safety to be able to build what we have now. so, in return, i do the same— putting every penny into its best use to make this space feel more like home: something we can all enjoy

i've been alone with my babies for 3 days while he works and we've been having among the worse weathers in this city this year but thankfully so far, we are sheltered here and my kids have been sleeping soundly

may this uncanny weather end soon as i am aware this is not an experience shared by many 🇵🇭

but a core memory would always point out to that one time he spent his first months of earnings to get me a phone that i would never ask my parents for and told me "ikaw gusto ko maka experience nyan". speaks a lot on his generosity towards me. earning on his first years and getting me things instead of getting some for himself

the same happens these days with two kids in mind and maybe he thinks i wouldnt even notice

if you know me you'll say this isn't the person that i am back in 2021. the one who wears lip colours all the time, drops by the salon every other month for a hair revamp: suddenly goes home with a bob or a ginger hair leaving my mom with dropped jaw because i always seem like a new person; one who likes dressing extra even at home and doesnt leave the house unprepped

but now he's just within my reach all the time; one of my prayers answered. now im suddenly struck of this passage i read from the internet:

in the noon, i went out to meet with Vea while i left my kids with a sitter. i feel extremely guilty whenever i leave my babies for leisure. going out with the kids is so chaotic so sometimes i wanna go alone. i feel like im with two ticking time bombs because you cant control them all the time. so when i need some quiet time, i need them all to be home. other times, i eat out with some friends which my husband highly approves of becos he wants me sane

Vea and I went to the thrift store today. nothing fits me anymore and i need new clothes. im back working this week and might be required to go to the office in the next days so i need to look sharp at least. also yapped for 3 hours becos Vea was my yapping bestie so normally we talk about everything in life

when i got home, i was of course in a better mood so i did some skin and make up routine skipping the foundation becos my only agenda was to sleep

day 806 of being a momma

my days are mostly focused on keeping my home organized. new additions to my home includes drawer organizers for our undersink which was bare and cluttered for the past months and a water dispenser. this wasn't the best yet but it keeps my things hidden. i plan to but a basket or a caddy on the top so i can place my cleaning products there without it looking chaotic:

i also had a comparison on when my asawa shops for food versus to when i do it. i gave him a thousand peso and he bought bananas, picadillo ingredients, 3 pieces of chicken legs and a slice of porkchop with it. that made about 2 meals and i dont know what to do with that single piece of porkchop so i was looking at the tiny portions he shopped and thought "??" ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧

the next day, i did that 1000 peso challenge and was able to make all these meals. it was such a flex as a momma to be able to budget well so that's a pat on my back. it's also heartwarming for me to hear my asawa thank me for the meals i make at home, i think that makes my day though most of the time i act as if it doesnt make me giddy whenever he says thanks

also, i just learned today that my friend Joyce is now pregnant!! ☁️👧🏼 so happy when i learned this because i feel like i dont have friends to relate to anymore after becoming a momma because my friends are all younger and/or not yet on the having kids phase so ive felt so detached for more than 2 years now? i dont know if other new moms are having these same thoughts

lastly, my bunso is now on his 3rd month! 🧸 i love how chill this baby is. he's making my 2 under 2 journey so much easier because he sleeps so well at night and is barely cranky

realized that our roles as parents are becoming harder now that we have two babies under two. i have been on maternity leave for 2 months now which means i have not been getting my share of earnings and we are currently a "One income Two Kids Household". my earnings are just half of what my asawa gets but that at least covers our car loan payment and other utilities. without it now, making a daily budget becomes harder

i am managing a small store under my parents' ownership and they have been telling me that i should also allot an amount for my pay as the person who takes time to oversee its daily operation but at the back of my mind, although that amount would be helpful for my needs, i dont want to take anything that could potentially add for my parents' retirement money because technically we only pay for their bills but weren't stable enough to give them their pocket money for every month. so that's something that guilts me. i wish i was earning more. the past days i have been lurking around pinterest trying to look for interiors i can possibly afford for their home in the next years:

also, when my secondborn arrived, i tried to hire a kasambahay to help me with my babies and that has been ongoing. i pay her 400 pesos a day and that added to our expenses for the past months but now im reconsidering our choices because i wanna save more this time. its not wise to not have an emergency fund in this economy

so what im saying now is, i need to hustle more. ive been looking of reselling and i have this idea for a rental business that i wish to try for the next months but right now, i haven't had the courage yet to dive right in. so im praying for courage this time and for my plans to work out