After the hype

He is played obviously camp and dramatic, for a start, and there is the aforementioned "hate your hair/not likely/yikes yikes yikes/let me guess you have a great personality" summary dismissal of all his potential brides. Then he spends dinner asking Yzma about Kronk ("so he seems nice? He's what, in his late twenties?") and otherwise being slightly obsessed with him.

Then there is the whole Adventure of Doom with Pacha, him being ever huffy about the Kiss of Life, and then the restaurant gag where Kuzco takes to playing Pacha's fake wife and dressing up in ladies' clothing with great gusto (reinforced by the waitress' "bless you for coming out in public" remark when Pacha says they're on their honeymoon). Then when he is finally de-llamafied, we don't see him paired off with the obligatory girl from the lineup earlier, as might otherwise be expected in a Disney movie. Instead he is still single, but goes to found family it up with Pacha, Chica, Kronk, etc, which dare we remark is a very queer trope.

In short, I have no idea how a Disney movie with no white people (all the characters are Indigenous/people of color), a gay king, cross-dressing jokes, and the most offbeat plot of all time actually ever got made (can you imagine the Family Friendly Mouse doing that today? Let us also talk about Kronk because he is a brilliant deconstruction of both toxic masculinity and the musclebound henchman stereotype.) Other than that this was the Chaos Hour of animated movies in the late 90s/early 2000s, and yes.

Please, read this article if you have some time. This story is wild, and involves directors being pitted against each other Bake-Off style and a shockingly intimate documentary created by the wife of Sting who, himself was heartbroken by the decimation of the songs he wrote for the film including cutting a fantastic Yzma villain song sung by Eartha Kitt that is SO DAMN GOOD but would not ever have fit the more nailed-down Yzma we would eventually come to know and love. It’s so catchy though, I’m doubling up on calls to action but please listen now:

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you should all be so proud of me, i did real math. kudos to anyone who figures out why i used those numbers/what they mean specifically. also i thought too much about simon's first time in years eating Food With Flavor so i made a mini comic \/

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close ups (+ transcript) \/

Sure, literally everyone in this family, including Bruce, are publically out it's still normal to be afraid to come out and Bruce thinks he just needs an extra push.

He starts asking Duke things about his love life, starts saying shit like "I'm always here for you, you know that right?" and even resorts to dumbass shit like leaving little rainbow flags in places he knows Duke will find them.

Duke is freaking out.

Duke: guys, Bruce is acting really strange.

Jason: he's always acting strange. It's Bruce.

Duke: yeah but like extra strange

Tim: strange how?

Duke: idk man he's like, being strangely supportive. Like in a creepy way. And he keeps asking if I have a "lover" and what my type is. It's really weirdly invasive and I don't know what to do

Everyone:

Jason, starts laughing hysterically:

Dick: Duke-

Tim: oh my god.

Dick: Duke he-

Steph, wheezing: holy shit

Dick: Duke he thinks your gay and he's trying to see if you'll come out to him

Duke: but I'm not gay ????

Jason, still laughing: I think he just assumes any kid around him is some form of gay at this point

Damian: I suppose none of us are heterosexuals

So, Duke has to sit Bruce down and break the news that he is straight and exclusively likes girls. Bruce is surprised, thanks him for telling him and now says shit like "I know it's hard but we can get through this"

The kids love it.

-

*Damian, out of nowhere on patrol one night*

Damian: you know.., there was a solid 2 year period at the league compound where i thought you were Batman.

Jason:

Jason: what?

Damian: yeah- ‘cause like, i was seven. and i met you for the first time after you came out the pit and were all big already. and i didn’t know anything about my father apart from, like, what my mother told me of him, right? and so when i met you, and i never actually heard anybody call you your name—just Mother referring to you as ‘one of Gotham’s greatest heroes’ and everybody calling you ‘prince’, in my little seven-year-old head, i was like ‘ok so this must be him then’.

Jason: what the fuck.

Damian: well you looked a lot like him. i’d only ever seen one grainy photo of the man taken from a distance and you fit the description; same build, hair, eyes, broody manner and passion for justice. you were everything i’d ever thought Batman was supposed to be, so when Mother started giving you special treatment and demanding you be treated like somebody important within the league, i thought that was just her lingering affection for an ex.

Jason:

Jason: is that why you made me teach you how to ride a bike?

Damian: yeah i was trying to make up for lost time.

Damian: i don’t know how you didn’t pick up on it—i called you Father like, religiously.

Jason: …to be honest i just wasn’t fluent in Arabic yet. when i finally did figure out that’s what you were saying i just assumed you were making a dig at the fact that i slept with Talia that one time.

Damian: yeah that was- can i be honest with you? i set that up.

Jason:

Jason: what.

Damian: originally Mother wasn’t going to meet with you in person that night, she was going to send a messenger in place, but i snuck into her chambers and edited her schedule so she’d be in the area anyway and would go see you herself.

Jason:

Damian: then i ordered food for where you were staying online in the hopes that you'd chat and realise you still loved each other.

Jason: that’s where those oysters came from-!

Damian: yeah i didn’t- i didn’t actually realise how problematic you and her being together was until after i came to Gotham. i was just trying to have a parent-trap moment and get my mom and dad back together, you know? i didn’t know you were seventeen, i just thought the Lazarus Pit had made you look more youthful than before.

Jason:

Jason, dryly: because famously, as you can tell by looking at Ra’s, that’s what the Lazarus Pit does.

Damian: listen i was eight.

Damian: -and i didn’t force you guys to do anything—this is still on my Mother for going with it; and for bad communication. if she had at any point spoken to me clearly about my father then that misunderstanding wouldn’t have ever happened.

Jason: so… when did you figure out I wasn’t Bruce Wayne…?

Damian:

Damian: well… it was complicated?

Jason: which means?

Damian: it means at first Mother told me i was just going to Gotham with you, which made me think, like, ‘yay, i get to go home with Dad’ right? and then we got to Gotham and saw Batman and Robin out and you started getting mad at a ‘replacement’, and i thought you were mad because your Robin replaced you with a new Batman.

Jason, incredulous: oh my god.

Damian: -yeah, but then we had that whole confrontation with them during patrol where you told Batman i was his son and that Talia Al Ghul wanted you to put me in his care, and i was just standing behind you like… what fucking game are you playing here Father?

Jason: *snort* you didn’t- that didn’t fucking tip you off?

Damian: no! i was like 2 years deep into this belief at this point, nothing was gonna shake me. i came to the conclusion that you were sending me in as a spy or something, so i went along with it. we got back to Wayne Manor and Pennyworth greeted Batman by saying ‘welcome back, Master Bruce’ and i got really mad at Tim because i was like ‘oh so not only did he replace Batman but he did it with the first fat fuck he found with the same first name, huh.’

Jason: *wheeze*

Damian: so i didn’t really try to kill Tim because i wanted Robin; i was doing it for your, the original Batman’s, honour.

Jason: oh my god????

Damian: ...yeah. i didn't- ok, honestly? i didn't really clock that you weren't the original Batman until after you unmasked yourself in front of everyone for the first time.

Jason: -EXCUSE ME-?

Damian: because- BECAUSE, in the league everybody just called you by 'prince' or 'the Gotham boy', and then in Gotham nobody knew your identity so everybody just called you Red Hood. it wasn't until you revealed your identity to the family and everybody started crying about some 'Jason Todd' that was still alive that i came to the realisation that nobody had ever point blank told me your name was Bruce Wayne.

Jason, in awe: wait- wait oh my god i do remember you being really fucking quiet during that whole reveal..,

Damian: yeah i was- i was coming to terms with a lot of stuff in that moment.

Jason: WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING?!

Damian: what am i, stupid? looking back a year or so later, yeah it's a funny memory of how stupid i was as a kid. in the moment? you couldn't have fucking waterboarded that info out of me.

Jason:

Jason: you know. it does kinda- oh my god it makes so much sense now,

Damian: what does?

Jason: Tim told me the first time they let you in the Batcave he watched you walk up to my memorial case, read the plaque, and then loudly go, 'who the fuck is Jason Todd'. and i always thought that was real fuckin' weird considering i'm your emergency contact.

Damian: *wheezes*

Jason: were you disappointed that the fake-Bruce was your actual dad, then?

Damian: honestly i was more troubled at the realisation that i'd actively participated in the action of trying to get my mother and adoptive brother to bang.

Jason:

Jason:

Blanc

let's be pebbles and misbehave on our field trip to mr. grace's habitat :D

Harrow's necromantic power includes the ability to create underlighting whenever it's necessary.

Bonus:

burn it 🔥

i genuinely encourage non black people to engage with this, who might be worried they can't because of the word "nigga" because they feel like it's overstepping. the only way it would be overstepping is saying it to me when ur not black, but please don't be afraid to engage with black art.