“Can you feel the distance between us? The one we can never really close, even though we stand chest to chest, nose to nose, your lashes fluttering against my cheek. Maybe you would choose to describe it as the ocean, its churning waves pushing you down until you‘re so deep beneath the surface that your eyes can hardly take in the broken bits of sunlight dancing in the water, until your eardrums feel ready to shatter with the increasing pressure. Maybe you would speak of it as a mountain we are both neither willing nor able to climb. Whenever we think that we‘ve made some sort of progress, we lose our footing and fall back down, crashing toward the unforgiving ground. Do you know what I would describe the distance as, when I stare into the depth of your clear eyes, when my fingertips itch to trace the curve of your cheekbone, to follow the dip of your cupid‘s bow all the way to your lips? I‘d tell you the distance between us was like an abyss, and that I am standing on the edge. I can bend over until my back aches, trying to see where the abyss ends and where we begin, but all I can see is darkness and no way for us to cross it. The things we did with hate in our hearts, and the things we said with fear curling in our stomachs - they are what made this abyss unbridgeable. And no matter how close we are, no matter if I can count your freckles or feel your breath on my nose, or sense your fingers moving close to mine - we will never bridge the distance between us. And maybe this is how it‘s supposed to be from now on, how it‘s easier for the both of us: watching each other from afar, never enough close again to meet in all the ways that matter.”
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