I like this lil guy

Riddle

"I regret that our last words were me beheading you..." Riddle said. "Now that we have time together, I might as well remove that collar from your neck."

Trey

"You look so peaceful," Trey said looking into your casket sadly. "You would never guess that you were going gray from stress at the ripe old age of 16."

Trey touched your face, then moved his hand to your lips.

"Now to make sure you've been keeping up on the dental plan I told you about."

Cater

"Hey bestie!" Cater said casually. "You thought you could die without me??? Anyway, what kind of crap were you running? You've got the most terrifying student here acting like you widowed him, like give me some of that energy! Anyway, the lighting is impeccable here, so I hope you don't mind if I take a few selfies. I'll make sure to tag you."

"#goodlighting #tildeathdouspart #Y/n'sfuneral #RIPY/n"

Ace

"Hey," Ace said, sitting on the edge of your casket. "I can't believe your dead. even more I can't believe the overblots didn't kill you. It's like how the guy who survived a fall from Viagra Falls died when he slipped on an orange peel. I just can't believe you got crushed by a cauldron. Who would've done that?"

Deuce

"I'M SO SORRY!!!" Deuce whispered-yelled. "I didn't mean to kill you! I just wanted you to help me with my notes, and you seemed distracted so it was a kneejerk reaction! Please don't tell my mom... or Riddle."

Leona

"Tch, Herbivore," Leona said. "Can't believe you couldn't body a cauldron like I could. I'm so tired... Wait, is that Egyptian cotton? Did Kalim pay for this, because I know you couldn't. It's really comfy. You won't mind if I just hop in there with you right?"

Ruggie

"You're welcome for removing Leona from you," Ruggie said. "Also, are you going to need that watch? Because it would look great in my hand as I exchange it for cash. Well, since nobodies looking..."

Jack

"I can't believe Deuce killed you..." Jack said, gazing at your dead face. "And more importantly, I can't believe that no one has figured that out apart from me. Not only were you killed by a cauldron, but Deuce is not good at covering his tracks. I can practically smell the guilt on him."

Azul

"A lovely service Y/n," said Azul. "But, you have yet to complete your terms of our agreed upon contract, so unfortunately, I'm going to have to seize your casket."

He snapped his fingers and Jade and Floyd came out and dumped your out of the casket, before leaving your body sprawled out on the floor.

Jade

"Since you aren't using your body currently," Jade kneeled down to get closer to your now casket less corpse. "I'm wondering if you would like to reuse your body as a fertilizer for some nice poisonous mushrooms I've been trying to cultivate? It'd be a great way to recycle your body."

Floyd

"Nee~ Shrimpy~" Floyd said, downhearted. "Why didn't you let me kill you? I would've squeezed you so nice..."

Floyd squeezed your corpse, breaking most of your dead bones.

Kalim

"Ah!" Kalim exclaimed. "You don't have a coffin? JAMIL!!!"

Jamil sighed. "Yes?"

"Get a solid gold coffin for Y/n, we need to make sure they actually have a coffin."

Jamil went off to find a gold coffin.

"Now that I think about it, didn't they have a casket at the beginning of this service? Well, at least no one will steal the new coffin they're getting."

Azul is screaming, crying, and throwing up in the background since he missed his chance to scam you out of a solid gold coffin.

Jamil

Jamil glared down at you in your new solid gold coffin.

"God, I wish that were me," he muttered. "It's hard to see someone else living your dream."

Vil

"Oh honey..." Vil said. "They really did not want you to look nice did they?"

Vil snaps his fingers, and ever dutiful, Rook pops out of your casket with the make-up bag Vil gave you in hand.

"Yes, Roi de Poison?"

"Help me with their makeup," Vil said. "I'm looking forward to them actually staying still while I work. Thankfully, the cauldron didn't mess up their face."

Rook

"Ah, trickster," Rook started, taking out a piece of paper. The paper unfolded and unfolded itself all the way out the door.

"The beauty of your death is comparable to the death of Ophelia, even if we cannot see the back of your head because it has caved in. Your lifeless eyes bring a sense of grim gloom that someone like yourself is not present, your skin..."

He continued talking until he was dragged away.

Epel

"I can make you a nicer coffin if you want," Epel said. "If I do that for you, you will have to hide me the next time Vil tries to get me to wipe my ass, which manly men don't do. He won't go near an obviously rotting corpse, so I think it'd work out."

Idia

"Hey," a tablet came up to your casket. "I deleted your search history and deleted your fanfiction accounts, both the ones where you wrote fanfictions and the ones you used to read fanfiction. I almost had Ortho do it, but I'm glad I didn't. You read some messed up stuff. I would say have fun in heaven or wherever, but you are definitely going right to hell. I will see you there though, since you do have good taste."

Ortho

"Hello," Ortho said. "I wanted to thank you for making an event that Idia would feel obligated to go too. He ended up just sending his tablet, and he also sent me away for five hours yesterday, but neither are your fault I'm sure."

Malleus

Malleus shows up in full fae mourning wear. He ignores everyone else and heads straight to your coffin.

"Hello Child of Man," he said. "Worry not, I have been researching the forbidden art of necromancy to bring you back. I know you are going to die before me, but this was too soon. If you are concerned about being me talking about such an illegal act, you don't have to. For some reason everyone has moved far away from your coffin once I got here."

Lilia

"So, do you have any kids that are conveniently parentless?" Lilia asked. "I know you don't have any kids, but I say that to every corpse I come across so I figured I might as well say it to you! Silver said it wasn't a coincidence that the last meal that you had was my cooking but my food couldn't have made you unable to survive something you normally would've, no."

Silver

"Everyone's been missing you, even if they don't want to admit it," Silver said. "I've never seen Lord Malleus so sad, and Sebek-"

Silver's unconscious body fell into your coffin. Lilia had to drag him out and away so he wouldn't be buried alive with you.

Sebek

"I knew you were a weak human," Sebek said. "But I didn't think you were that weak. Had my young master been attacked with a cauldron, first I would protect him from it naturally, but if I wasn't able to I would jump off a bridge in shame. Regardless, the cauldron would only be able to graze his magnificent and regal horns before it was disintegrated by the mere might of his presence."

Crowley

"Hey," Crowley whispered. "I need you to clean the cafeteria later today. I won't force you to do it now, because I am so kind, but I do need that done today."

"Also, I have paid for half of your funeral, as I am so kind. What isn't kind is you leaving me to take care of the wonderful students that populate this school. Anyway, I'm going to turn the blind eye to Malleus resurrecting you because A, I like my head being attached to my neck, and B, I'm not dealing with the selfish brats you call friends alone."

Crewel

"Just letting you know," Crewel said, hitting your corpse with his riding crop. "You have an assignment due this Friday at 4pm, and I don't accept late work."

"Also your funeral outfit is trash."

Vargas

"You know..." he said leaning over your casket. "This wouldn't have happened if you didn't walk the last lap in the mile."

"You wouldn't have gotten hit by that cauldron if you just raw dogged eggs all day every day like me."

Trein