Veni vidi amavi

shane hollander, who calculates, who spends his entire life analyzing pattern and picking up trends to be able to anticipate game play and Be The Best. shane who is matter-of-fact, who does not hyperbolize, who means it when he says this is is Worst Fucking Nightmare Ilya

shane hollander who listens when ilya says, maybe it's time to Wake Up then, because in that instance, shane knew that his whole world and the way he lives in it is going to change, but that it will be Good on the other side. ilya's right, he just needs to wake up

but in the long game, there is no luxury of that. shane hollander does not hyperbolize, he panics and freezes because he knows exactly what will happen. he is yuna hollander's son, he is not making up these fears they are based in the trends and patterns he has noticed.

he knows his entire world, the one he's had to keep separate from ilya for fear of losing both of the most important things to him, is going to crash down and he's going to lose the thing he worked for for his entire life

and that Knowing follows everything he does, every choice he makes in the long game because it consumes him, he cannot see things the way ilya does because he knows. he does not hope for better, he knows the better will be having ilya in the sunlight

but he doesn't have a path there, an equation where he gets to have ilya in the sunlight because he knows it will meaning losing the rest of the world he spent his entire life building, and for all his knowing, he can't picture how to exist in that reality.

every single fear shane has came resolutely true, everything he worried would happen, did. it wasn't irrational, it wasn't arbitrary, it was undeniably true just like he knew it would be.

and yet it's still treated as less, still treated as nothing. both in the actual narrative and somehow by the shane himself, everyone around him, as well as, by certain external sources and pieces of this fandom.

you can argue that it's because ilya and how much he wants that life with him, overwhelms that fear and that knowing because despite it, he wants that life with ilya he wants to step into the sunshine with him and i agree - except even that choice is taken from him.

they're pushed into the light, and all of his fears come true, and he didn't get to act on a single choice he wanted to make.

that's also a pattern with his character, where when he does overcome his fears(knowing) and wants to make a choice, he doesn't get to. shane only gets to choose to come out to One person in the entirety of his life and it's, again, treated as arbitrary.

and then every other opportunity, every other choice, is taken from him. and it's always the choices about the most important things in his life, the control to make them is completely stripped away, the confidence and happiness you get from making a hard choice and acting on it, is something he never, ever gets

The sound of summer

everyone needs to hear about the situation in india right now. the youth of this nation are going through hell and back to protect the foundations that our country was built on in the first place, while the adults who are supposed to actually be in charge try to silence our voices.

NEET, which is an exam taken by millions of students per year and is the ONLY gateway for medical admissions across the country, had its papers leaked. so many took their lives because this exam meant everything for their future. and NTA, the agency who conducts this exam, was not held accountable.

there was national backlash. cockroach janta party (initially a satirical political party formed by abhijeet dipke in retaliation to the remarks of the chief justice of india calling the youth "cockroaches" and "parasites of society") started protests at jantar mantar, demanding the resignation of the union education minister, dharmendra pradhan. the movement also asked for ten million inr (~100,000 usd) in compensation for the families of students who died by suicide and wanted NTA be held accountable.

sonam wangchuk, a climate activist and education reformer, also went on a hunger strike at jantar mantar to protest against this corruption in india's higher education system. his fast began on june 28, demanding the resignation of the union education minister. his fast lasted for 20 days until delhi police FORCIBLY removed him and admitted him to safdarjung hospital on july 18.

because of this, cockroach janta party announced "chalo sansad," a march to the parliament beginning on june 20th, 9:00 am ist. but the police seems to be responding with water cannons, mobile jammers, and baton charge. all of this, because of a peaceful protest led by people no older than 30.

The government is doing everything it can except for actually having an honest dialogue with the protestors.

It’s important to note that despite all the police brutality, despite how the government has had extra forces airlifted to Delhi to help quash the protest, this has deterred no one.

Not only is the protest in Delhi going strong, the government closed down every metro station in Central Delhi in an effort to stop them and it still hasn’t.

There’s protests in most major cities in India in solidarity. Palakkad, Chennai, Mumbai, Hyderabad, Bangalore, Kochi, and probably more besides. There has been a protest in the UK as well in solidarity.

People who aren’t at the protest are donating so much food that the organisers have had to ask them to stop doing so because there’s more than enough. In lieu of that people are donating money for medicine, lawyers, cleanup, and umbrellas.

Most crucially, hopes aren’t broken. Spirits aren’t broken. People with bruises and broken bones are still showing up. People are showing up cosplaying as freedom fighters and super heroes and a dinosaur. People are doxxing goons who show up trying to incite violence. People are making reels. People in Mumbai literally opened a moving police detainment van to allow arrested students to escape.

someone else lives in grace's apartment. another bachelor, or maybe a young couple. all of his furniture is gone -- sold or repurposed or off in a dump somewhere. none of the photos tacked to the walls remain. the books and knickknacks on his shelves have long since been misplaced. the stack of homework on his desk was thrown out decades ago; never graded. the landlord has repainted the walls and the cabinets and replaced the doorknobs. no one would know that dr. ryland grace ever lived there. even grace himself would have to take a second to recognize the place, in the hypothetical event that he ever returned.