The Court Jester

idgaf about palace intrigue just let me chill

can you at least not eat poisoned food when you have been told in advance its poisoned

juat let mw chj

great. a chivalric order has started nesting under my porch & theres no way i can afford a warlock to come clear it out so i guess now ive got to deal with men-at-arms swearing oaths of valor right outside my window at 4 am every morning

so you know that cursed sword that slowly drives whoever wields it mad & causes mysterious illnesses? you guessed it: scabbard was absolutely loaded with black mold

ENOUGH I'm sending you all on a quest!! Go play Adventurers outside and let Wizard have some peace and quiet

Yee must return before dark and stray not into the dark and haunted woods or the mean neighbor's yard, I do not want to talk to that man again

we were playing catch and my orb fell behind the mean neighbor's fence... :(

*siiiiiigh* ok, let me go get the trebuchet, we'll start with a little siege warfare to soften him up

Quick question, does Greg get health benefits and if so does Greg need an assistant?

Absolutely Not. I’m fact we are trying to give Greg Unhealth Detriments, you the stuff the USA gives their citizens

the ghouls are back

the puzzlemasters’ guild has gone on strike until they get more trinkets and tokens

tf do you mean their union demands came in the form of a riddle

i just wish the frightening ghoul would say something. for once. the silence is more disconcerting than anything it might say

For in its silence, the ghoul says everything, it speaks of lost love, of your greatest sin, of things not done, and of horses.

‎

h-horses?

‎

uh oh.

Going to start describing all of my emotions as “great and terrible”

“A great and terrible sleepiness has overtaken me this night”

becoming a wizard lawyer and immediately getting a client who describes themself as "the bruce springsteen of nonbinary liches"

what the hell happened to attorney client confidentiality

you tried to pay me with one dusty old fake emerald

yeah. so anyway how’s the forgery case going? all good? all good things i hope?

i'm gonna be real with you it is looking extremely bad for you. the wizard council is probably gonna offer an extremely unfavorable plea deal and i advise you to take it

<|:^(

@wizard-council-bureaucrat is this true?

One thousand years in the dusty old fake emerald BUT you can keep the aesthetic

ok so a wild rat just spit poison at me

slay ten of those for my ancient tarnished coin

Heaven forbid women do anything

Magic gun approved for use in these, dire time

Oh I’m so sleepy… won’t you use !tuck to tuck me into bed?

!cursedoak

did anyone else have terrible dreams about a gnarled, twisted forest with one tree more terrible and hateful than all the rest

prepare thyself