i dwell in my hut of letters

At the gǒl

I sit, my hair cascaded

Like waterfall

Echoes in the valley

I am lost once again

I see my pale reflection

In the waters once again

I dance in my white robes

My hair tightly knotted

Twisted and done with flowers

I keep calling your name,

dear Lord

For in your remembrance

I cease to exist

In your awe

Your majestic presence

I lose myself

I forget my purpose on Earth

And in your remembrance

I am reminded of my transitional journey,

This dunya is nothing but temporary abode!

I felt sharp pain

In my body, in my chest

Today again

I heard the same phrase

“You are ugly”,

Go look into the mirror straight

Today again,

I felt rejected dejected

“Am I so unworthy”, I asked again.

The mirrors narrate a tale of woe

From the unhealed part of me

My bosom cried, my eyes dried

I don’t take it personally anymore

For i am servant

Preparing for the next life

What people say is just a version of their eye

What i look

Is how i was fashioned,

What i do should please the creator not the eyes of the

Creation…..

I dwell over the thought

That harboured in my bosom

For in my cottage i sit alone

My thoughts kept resurfacing

I questioned the idea of my existence

The existence..!

Tough, isn’t it ..?

The purpose of life

The meaning of love

That once a man proclaimed,

“i love you, darling:

For you i would cross oceans and mountains…”

The story is quite repetitive, perhaps!

The illusion of love i started to chase

Little did i know

He was a smooth talker

Someone who would play with words

Win you over,

Shower you with compliments and chocolates

Leave you stranded

On a cold night, streets deserted

Well, the memories started to play

The shadows dark and haunting

I sit in my hut of letters

Pondered for a while

I didn’t know tears blurred my vision

But my lips curved upwards

Strange, isn’t it?

Well,

I learnt life is not about falling in love

It is about experiences and memories

That you share in the moment

The memories hurt,

But I wonder

Will he ever be able to sleep again

Knowing he broke a heart

That was already broken!

…..

Anyone else there…

All raw and naked

All pure and devil

Twist and bumps

Never a smooth turn

Shivering bones

Aching joints

Boney face

Hollow eyes

Does it not have an end

Or

Does it continue

Do i have to walk down

The memory lane

Yet again..?

To find pieces of my broken self

My identity all trodden upon

Do i wish to continue

I ask myself ..?

Haunting as always

I thought

Haunting it ever be

I think !

Does this misery have an ending

Or

Do i have to endure this “fairytale”

Mixed of tears and salt

I call this journey

I wish my soul departs

The way my physical body

Has called it quits

….

The carpet i feel my feet touch

The bells and sunflowers

All gay and jocund

Sing for a maiden

All chirpy and bright

She is a delicate butterfly

Amongst the petals

She plays with velvet touch

The touch all pure and divine

The wings of this maiden broke

When she played in the ruffles

But o’er the valleys and hilltops

She dances again

For she learnt

That wings grow stronger

When trimmed by the harsh thorns

She lived signing and twittering

Amidst petals and birds

She found her sweet haven

All the love that was lost

Somewhere in between the journey she undertook

Was restored once she learnt to surrender to the will of the divine…

Meandering in woods

Soulless whispers

From the spirit

I yearn to be one

Mind and heart

Constant war,

To be or not to be

Is what I fail to answer

Is it a loop,

The repetitive cycle

Is it meant to destroy me

Or,

Is it meant to strengthen me

A question that keeps haunting me and my spirit alike

….

Wove a wreath

Put it on my fingers

Kissed me on my cheek

I was yours and yours

Forever lost in you eyes

For I couldn’t find a lover

In whom i find respite

-sea

Conscious unconscious

Beat rhythmically at your name

The essence and purity of my tears

Like salty creek,

Shed only when my heart ached

What was the hurry

Could you please tell,

What was my fault

Could you please tell

My heart yearns and longs

For the beautiful verses

We shared

Now i feel my heart collapse

And like a zombie it pulsates

Only yearns to be united with you

I wish, i wish

love is so cruel,

You killed in me

The love that echoed in my veins; long gone

Now i only await on death to drift me away

You cruel soul

Darling

Don’t let anyone dim your spark

Just because they were mean to you

xoxo

Preserved in tales, lost amidst the fragrance of the torn pages;

Ancient scripts, so to say…

of you and her

the shadows on the baked walls,

remind her of you holding her

by waist as she shied away,

your favourite bench

you and her, hands interlaced,

walks in streets, cozy night

so cold, in your company

she was lost

remember the stormy night,

you drifted away,

she had nowhere to go,

your heart was no longer her address

she no longer has the keys,

for you locked up the house,

throwing her out

I am afraid of the light

for my scars run deep

and under pale reflection

i can see the distorted petals unfurl,

in the vial i collect my tears

as i watch you go

…

I chose to venture in the woods

let my essence be your guide,

let the fragrance of sea bring

you close to shores .…