𓊆 ♰ 𓊇⠀⠀ ∿ ⠀hereticalism — author · accepting requests · pride and joy's jane remover and the fact i've spoken to her

most recent work navigation recommendations

cookie dough

jane remover, fem!reader, fluff, romance, sfw, requested, rusty writing, no ai used, this is not an accurate depiction of the real jane remover and a work of fiction, gonna start posting a lot again fr this time

her name was jane remover, and you met her because she almost hit you with a shopping cart.

you were standing in the freezer aisle staring at two different brands of ice cream like the decision actually mattered, and then suddenly a cart clipped your ankle.

"shit."

you looked up, and the girl holding the cart looked about your age, maybe a little older. she had long, curly red hair, a baggy hoodie, and one of her hands was still gripping the handle of the cart while the other adjusted a pair of headphones hanging around her neck.

she didn't even look embarrassed—which is probably what pissed you off the most—just... inconvenienced, after she'd hit you.

"sorry."

you stared.

she stared back.

glanced down at your ice cream.

"the cookie dough one's better."

and walked away.

you spent the next ten minutes irrationally annoyed at her.

then you saw her again, which shouldn't have happened. your town wasn't tiny, but it wasn't exactly huge either. despite that, a week later you saw her sitting outside of a coffee shop with a sketchbook balanced on one knee. you only recognized her because of the haircut and because she looked exactly as annoyed to be alive as she had in the grocery store. you would've walked right past, but she looked up.

"hey."

you stopped.

"... hey."

"you're the uhhh, god, right! the ice cream girl."

"what does that even mean?"

"the girl from the ice cream aisle?" she said slowly, raising an eyebrow and looking at you like you were stupid.

you huffed at the audacity of her and crossed your arms.

"yeah, you hit me with a shopping cart."

"you survived."

"unfortunately. now I have to see you again."

that got the tiniest, barely there smile out of her.

"jane."

you blinked.

"what?"

"my name?"

"oh."

you told her yours, and then somewhere between antagonizing her about the cart and her judging your taste in ice cream, you ended up sat down talking with her.

you exchanged numbers, and from there on out you were attached by the hip. after the first few weeks, you learned jane was interesting. not weird or strange, just actually interesting.

she had bizzare taste in food—you still don't know how someone can enjoy subway teriyaki—to start, could make amazing music, and looked intimidating until she actually opened her mouth and started talking a mile a minute about things nobody asked about like old guitars, how different crowds acted in the same city when she was performing, superbowl show predictions, and movies.

one time, she spent fifteen minutes explaining why she thought bad bunny would've never agreed to doing a halftime show before he did, and you listened anyway. mostly because her eyes lit up when she got excited and because she didn't realize she talked with her hands, but she didn't need to know that.

by the third month you were definitely, positively friends. nobody had ever officially said it unless in passing, but you were.

you knew her favorite drink. she knew your fast food order. you knew she hated being touched unexpectedly and was famous, and she knew you hated phone calls and were perpetually tired.

one night, you ended up sitting on the roof of a parking garage. the city lights weren't impressive, but neither of you were really paying attention to them when the mcdonald's you were eating tasted this good at 11 pm. jane was stretched out beside you, staring at the sky and occasionally popping a fry into her mouth.

"do you ever think about how weird friendship is?"

you laughed.

"totally. all the time, jane. day and night, even."

"no, seriously." she chuckled and kept staring upward. "out of everyone alive, you just... randomly decide some people matter and other's don't."

you looked at her then.

the wind pushed her hair across her forehead and her eyes caught the moonlight just right, and for some reason your chest got weird.

"what, are you saying it's like destiny or something?"

"maybe. I don't know what it is, you know, but I'm glad we met."

your heart stumbled just slightly and you asked yourself why, but not enough to understand. not yet.

you kept talking and living and getting closer, and after nearly four months you finally realized you liked her. you were talking about her one day, as always, and one of your friends finally interrupted, tired of hearing you gush about her as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

"do you ever think about how youuuu... you know... have a crush on her?" she started, smiling and narrowing her eyes.

you laughed in response a little too quickly for it to be casual.

"what? no I don't."

"yes, you do." she nudged you.

"what are you talking about?"

"are you serious? you smile every time she texts, you own a hoodie because she said it'd look good on you, and you know her coffee order. you have a crush on her." she counted on her fingers.

you realized she was probably right, so you tried ignoring it. that worked for about four days, and then jane showed up at your house and sat beside you and leaned her shoulder against yours and suddenly "ignoring it" became impossible.

every tiny thing mattered. every smile, text, stupid joke, time she remembered something small about you, looked for you first in a crowd, and said your name felt monumental, and it was awful.

usually, you would've just thought about it, asked for advice twenty times, and then inevitably confessed, but your plans had been interrupted when she met her.

claire.

she was pretty, confident, and the type of person who knew they were attractive, which was fine. at first.

claire started hanging out with jane. a lot. in the beginning, you didn't care, but then you started noticing the inside jokes and late night calls. then suddenly, there were days where jane seemed busy, didn't text, or cancelled plans, and every time she did, your stomach twisted because you were confident you knew exactly why.

and the worst part was that you had no right to be upset. jane wasn't your girlfriend. she wasn't anything to you except your friend, your best friend, and she was allowed to spend time with whoever she wanted to, so every jealous thought made you feel guilty which, like all things seemed to be doing, made everything worse.

but then eventually jane noticed, and you couldn't just pretend to be normal and act like claire wasn't bothering you anymore.

"you've been weird lately."

you looked away.

"thanks jane. no I haven't."

"you have."

"right."

"you barely text me anymore."

you laughed a little bitterly.

"it seems like you're doing fine without me."

the moment the words left your mouth you regretted them. shock flickered across her face. "what's that supposed to mean?"

"nevermind."

"no," her voice sharpened, "what did you mean by that?"

"I don't know." you stood.

"you obviously do."

"can you just drop it?"

"why?"

because I love you.

because seeing you with somebody else feels like getting shot.

maybe because I don't know what to do anymore.

instead, you actually said "because I'm tired" and walked away.

three weeks later it was raining while you were sitting under a bus stop shelter when jane appeared, completely soaked and looking angry. you hadn't spoken properly in days. every conversation ended awkwardly or forced, and neither of you knew how to fix it. or you did, really, but more importantly, you hadn't.

"can you tell me what's wrong?"

"nothing. how'd you even know I was here?" you stared at the pavement.

"did you forget we share our fucking locations? wait, stop, stop distracting me—stop lying."

you clenched your jaw.

"why do you even care, jane?"

the second you said it her face fell, and suddenly you hated yourself for saying that.

"'why do I care'?" her voice cracked. "are you serious?" you looked away. "you'vs been shutting me out for weeks." you flinched. "you won't talk to me." she stepped closer. "you won't tell me what's wrong." then closer. "and every time I try to fix it you run away." closer. "so tell me what's wrong. please."

rain hammered onto the pavement around you.

your chest hurt, your head hurt, everything hurt, and suddenly you couldn't do it anymore.

"I like you."

an inhale, an exhale.

the rain.

"I didn't want to," your voice shook, "I was fine being friends, but I just, do, okay?"

"oh."

"yeah, oh." you laughed miserably. for a second you thought she'd reject you.

"oh my god." she ran both hands through her wet hair.

"'oh my god' what?"

"you're an idiot."

your stomach dropped. "what?"

"you're an idiot."

you blinked, then after processing what she'd said your face started twisting into a grimace.

"jane are you fucking—"

"I thought you hated me."

"... what?"

"I thought claire told you."

"told me what?"

jane looked relieved, confusingly enough.

"claire wasn't my girlfriend."

"I never said she was."

"she was helping me figure out how to ask you out. I mean, she doesn't even like girls."

you blinked. "what?"

"I've liked you for months."

the rain suddenly felt very far away. you blinked and stared at her for a while, waiting. waiting for the "I was just joking" or the "actually" or the "nevermind" that would never come.

"I'm serious." she said, doubling down.

"jane—" you started then stopped, gears struggling to turn in your head.

she groaned, and then she grabbed your face and kissed you. you barely got a chance to kiss her back before she was pulling away and you were just standing there, soaked and staring, and jane was laughing nervously; a sound you'd never heard before.

"I think you know that it was never gonna be claire now." she squeezed your hand.

you laughed. "yeah."

she smiled, and for the first time since you'd met her in that grocery store aisle, everything felt simple.

"hey."

"what?"

"wanna get ice cream?" she said, looking at you with a smile so fond any passerby would've thought you'd hung the moon for her.

you rolled your eyes but smiled despite yourself, flushed and finally content.

leon's note⠀⠀ : thank you for the request! always love writing for jane; i'm genuinely in love with her.

༝ ⠀⠀ gentle, caring partner!jane who:

༝ sees you braiding your hair once and says "hey, let me do it for you," moving your hands out of the way before you can protest.

༝ after a date, before a date, while you're just watching tv—doesn't matter. she'll insist that she should be doing so when you, god forbid, try to thread your hair on your own.

༝ "baby, it's okay. i can do some things myself, jane," you chuckled, shaking your head as she took hold of your hair anyway. "i know you can do it yourself, but i want to do it for you."

༝ gets quiet trying to focus on doing it right, making sure it's just how you like and not too tight and too loose and—"jane, do you know how to braid?"

"... no?"

you sigh fondly.

༝ follows every instruction you give her even if it means doing your hair takes an hour longer and is ten times harder than it would've been if she'd just let you do it. but she doesn't mind, because why would she ever let you do anything yourself when she was around?

༝ after a while, starts enjoying the little moments throughout your days together like this: where she can just do something for you and feel you relax underneath the pads of her fingertips.

heh.. smut.. 👅 also im new fan i love all your fan fics <3

you're my favorite

sub!jane, fem!reader, sfw, fluff, multiple pronouns used for jane, tried my best

when it comes to post-show hangouts, jane is always clingy, cuddly, and adorably exhausted by the time she gets to see you.

every single time, you pick her up, drive to whatever hotel you're staying at for the specific stretch of the tour, and she makes her way to the bed before begging you to join her, your 5'8, smoking hot girlfriend reduced to a frowning teddy bear.

"the show was a lot, huh?" you asked with a smile on your face as you peered into her eyes while climbing into bed. the mattress dipped underneath your weight, and when it settled you moved closer to wrap your arms around her just like she wanted.

"yeah," she mumbled into your skin, already relaxing in your arms, "just missed you the... the whole time."

you felt your heart swell and breathed in the scent of her, letting your eyes fall shut. "i love you, you know."

"i love you too."

jane who will never admit it but is a complete sucker for acts of service. if you do her laundry, cook for her, drive her places, you name it, she'll be drooling over you in seconds.

"you really did all this just for me?" she smiled sheepishly, tugging your sleeve a bit until you looked away from the stove and at her.

"baby," you chuckled, "it's no big deal. it was just pancakes."

"you're so good to me," a soft, gentle kiss to your neck.

jane remover who secretly gets really excited when you introduce them as yours.

"nice to meet you. hey, you're post on instagram right?" a man said after walking up to you.

"you too, and yes! i do." you replied.

"who're you?" he asked politely, looking at jane. they hesitated, but luckily you'd been prepared.

"this is my girlfriend, jane," you said with a smile, looking at them and squeezing their hand to reassure them.

unfortunately for them, that only made their skin flush redder.