Here, now, being

I happen to have this recurring eye chalazion problem 4 times in the past year. Today, I had to visit a doctor for the another episode, which involved a minor surgery, and some potential follow-up visits.

My experience in the last episode was not great as I had to visit the clinic again and again after the surgery to get more and more antibiotics. It seemed that the doctor can't stop asking me to have another follow-up visit. I decided to stop coming despite they suggesting 'a last one'.

This time I found another clinic by some online search. This is one of the few clinics that list their fees for consultation and other services on their website. In the consultation room, the doctor asked me if I need a surgery. I thought I was suppose to ask him that question. He suggested the eye stye surgery anyway, after commenting on my shortsightedness and casually mention the Lazik surgery, which costs about the median monthly salary where I am.

While I was waiting for the doctor to see other patients and the nurses to prepare the operation room, a nurse approached me asking if I need to go to the restroom before getting my eyelid cut. I said I was ready (meaning no restroom needed). I was not sure if she got it but anyway, she showed me the way to restroom, which I had to pass through their optic store first. This reminded me of the parks and recreational places where you always ended up at the gift stores before you can get out of the place.

Before the surgery, the doctor read out loud the consent form, which I had signed on earlier (after I signed, he actually checked if I missed any stroke or mark of my completed signature). The consent form waive their responsibilities in any events that cause damage to my visions, including completely blind. They reassured me that such events were very very rare though. After all I had one before and I know the procedure so I was not too worried about it. They also explained they would make the cut from the inside so I would not have any visible scar on my eye lid.

The doctor started with injecting the local anaesthesia to my eye lid and immediately, they informed me that just now they realised that they had two cuts, one from the inside, one from the outside because there were two styes. I am not a doctor but I can tell there are two styes by looking at me in the mirror. Did he just conveniently omit that point at the time of consent form signing and conveniently mention it after the injection? Was he afraid that mentioning 2 cuts plus the scar would lower the chance of me agreeing with the surgery? I sighed. The nurse was 'helpful' to mention that there would be extra charges for this cut, followed by a 'complain' by the doctor for mentioning this issue at this time. Was I in a position to stop this operation now? I sighed.

The surgery seemed to be successful. The fee was within the range I was informed earlier and aligned with their fee schedule on the website. It costed me more than my monthly expenses excluding the rent. Last time when I tried to claim these medical bills, the organisation I worked for did not reimbursed me. I got a lot of 'questions' from the HR personnel because 'my medical leave was on a weekend'?!? I decided to stop pursuing the claim in exchange for not having to communicate for such an absurd reason. This time I do not even intent to submit the claim.

I was not happy with the script they ran me through the whole experience (from the natural marketing of the optic store, to the plan to make sure I would do the cut). To make it worse, I was given a black umbrella as 'new year gift', the kind that would probably break after one season, which I refused. I already had a very good one and I do not want to have more stuffs that I do not need.

To finish off, before I got home, I received 2 text messages on my phones from 2 strangers advertising loan and gambling services, which I rarely got. The clinic assistants must have keyed in the information I put in on their patient form.

In this design of the society, everyone has their own 'power' in a certain area (simply speaking, it is a situation when they can cheat without/unlikely getting into troubles). Doctors have 'power' in hospitals; HR personnel have 'power' when it comes to employment and benefit matters; waiters have the 'power' at the restaurants when they have to bring your more food after being treated badly by diners; room maids have the 'power' when cleaning rooms in hotels.

I have been getting back to the habit of reading just a few months ago and started on this book called “The History of Nearly Everything” (by Bryson Bill) few days ago. During is episode of depression, reading the first 2 chapters on the creation of the universe reignites the curiosity I once had about the world, nature, the humankind. It reminds me of how lonely we - human and the earth are in the space. It somehow makes daily problems smaller and more bearable.

But that is not the main topic of this post. About 3 years ago, a colleague at work (who took over my role when I was leaving the organisation) gave me a book to thank me for the 2-week training. “Rich Dad Poor Dad”. I had had some ideas about that book before that but naturally it never came close to my reading list, not just because of my personal disbelief in the current state of capitalism, but there is something just off about that title. I did not pick up the book until months later which I cannot recall when it was now. And obviously I did not finish the entire book after reading/skimming through the first few chapters. I got the ideas and they did not resonate with me and my value system.

Occasionally that book would appear somewhere on the internet or a bookshop that I pass by. And today it once again popped up one my phone (while I browsing on an app). I was a bit irritated that the book got so hyped so I looked for the reviews of it. Scanning through some top reviews and then I filtered for the one-star ones, just to find ‘my people’. I felt home and felt listened as I read the opinions that were close to mine (definitely a help for the depression). In one of the reviews, someone shared a link to a TED talk about the psychology of poverty. “Psychology”, “Poverty” - my keywords, so I clicked and watched.

I watched till nearly the end of the video, where the key idea was presented and I was instantly hooked. I stopped there and searched for the speaker, which led to his profile and his books. I felt home again, and happy (during a depression episode), and hopeful for humankind. I have been thinking about the social designs, the humankind, and an utopia but I am not knowledgeable enough, and I am not devoting enough time to have come to the presentation of a complete or nearly complete idea and putting it in a book as he did.

The two books happen to include the keywords “Humankind”, “Utopia”, which I will definitely read after finish with the history of almost everything. Just a week or two ago, I though what if we would only work 2 days a week and we have 5 days to do what we love, taking care of ourselves and our loved ones. The world has had more than enough and it does not need us to work 5 days a week. We need more time for ourselves. And right in the book cover of one of the books, I saw “15-hour workweek”. What a wonderful idea.(The idea was first popularised in 1930s). I have been wondering how wealth can be distributed so no one is actually too poor. I have not got a solution since my thoughts about it are not so deep at the moment (I still need to deal with work and my complicated study plan and on top of it, my mental health), but looks like he got one answer to the problem with the concept of “basic income” (which is an idea that has been existing for 500 years). I will need to read these 2 books, and a lot more to find ‘my people’ and the solution to the problem. Hold on, I think the solutions are already there, but the people who can start it just do not want to start it. This is probably why we need more people, ‘my people’ to speak and share the ideas, to make “the change we want to see in the world”.

Few days ago I listened to a podcast about Bitcoin and Money with the participants of 5 people, who you easily be considered members of the unofficial ‘intellectual dark web’ - who have opinions different from mainstream media.

There are a few ideas in that podcast that caught my attention. Some are new to me, some are built up on something that I have known before. I am also building some more ideas on theirs in this blog post.

It is an interesting take to compare money and work as the pyramid marketing scheme where businessman and entrepreneur continuously recruit people to work under them, for their goal and vision. So we have CEO, then managers, then minions of multiple levels. And as the levels go lower, the compensation is lower, exactly how pyramid scheme works. To recruit  lower tiers, higher tiers ‘advertise’, ‘promise’. Once people get into the scheme, they are on a treadmill that’s hard to get out. The next part might not be seen in the typical pyramid scheme landscape. Some people actually get out of a node in the existing pyramid and start their own pyramid. And obviously they will ‘advertise’ and ‘promise’ to their recruits.

Money as a drug. Money is needed and fed to people like a drug. Only that almost everyone is forced to take this drug. The entire system has been built for this, from education, consumerism, almost all the industries. Products and services are invented to solve problem created by those people at the top in the first place. Not to mention the rubbish products and services that are of no value. Fiat currency and manipulated inflation constantly keep people in consuming and using money instead of saving for the future and use it moderately at the moment.

For middle working class, they would experience withdrawal symptoms if they are cut off from money, getting into depression and anxiety. So if this analogy makes sense, 2 lessons can be drawn from it. Monitor our drug use and keep it to a moderate level or we’ll get drug tolerance and no amount of money can keep us happy as a person. And, it is possible to treat this addiction and live money-free or almost money-free.

It is now a good time to mention Rob Greenfield, an American activist advocating living simple with almost no possession, almost no money, and  completely in harmony with the nature. He is an extreme example of minimalism and a proof that almost money-free is possible, for an individual case. It would be a bigger topic if we say all people on the planet would live like him. It is not possible for all people in the entire system to turn in that direction immediately, although practically speaking, there are more people who want to live in the system than people who want to get out of it, even if they know about the other options. But the point is there is an alternative for people who do not like the ‘drug’ they are being fed; and there are other paths that could have been taken by the human race. Whether or not we can drive the current design of the system into something better, I do not know.

A few years ago I heard about the FIRE (financial independent retire early) movement and I thought it was a wonderful escape. I had a plan to achieve that up until recently. The part that I do not resonate with this movement anymore is the part where people still put money in a very important position in their life. There are FAT FIRE (retire with a big chunk of money to live luxuriously without having to work), Investment tips and tricks, Passive Income businesses...

I do not deny the fact that many of those who following the movement are not encouraging consumerism, they live frugally or minimally within their means. But because of the inflation phenomenon mentioned above, they HAVE TO ‘invest’ their money in funds, stocks, cryptocurrency, real estates...Otherwise they cannot maintain their life in the long term. All of these mean other people will still suffer the cycle of ‘drug use and abuse’ so those who is FIRE-ed can ‘use drug’ comfortably.

As passively as it sounds, being born is not a choice. We will save the discussion about other species and focus on human now. How helpless it is for one to not have a choice of being born. And if one decides not to give birth to another human being, does one plainly deny their parents? Again, we save the parents-children topic for another time.

Let’s talk about modern life and society as a game and human beings are players (this analogy does not have anything to do with a recent popular TV show on a popular video streaming service, not to mention countless movies and fictional books using the same concept), only that players are put into the game involuntarily. What if players do not want to play the game?

We take a step back and list the options that players have. In no particular order:

1. Play the game, follow the rules, focus on the prize.

2. Play the game, exploit and cheat, focus on the prize.

3. Stay in the game, survive the game, not focus on the prize.

4. Refuse to play the game.

A player usually follows an option (apart from option 4, in which once choosing, there is no way back, or maybe but we players do not know of such possibility, yet) at different stages and of course, there are many variants within an option, which we will discuss in awhile. Most players do not even consider the options and only follow the rules and play the game because to them, it is the only option they can see. Others are aware of the options and they pick one, at a stage of the game, through a deliberate thinking and decision making process.

If there is a set of rules that are considered ‘fair’ and is used as a gold standard, but this game’s set of rules does not match, what can a player do? Some will focus on the prize regardless of the rules. Well, maybe most of the rules are in their favor. Well, maybe they even set the rules. Others would just follow the rules because their focus is the prize, knowing it is not fair.

But there is no other games or a gold standard set of rules. So let’s just say some players personally do not ‘like’ the rules, because the rules are not in their favor, or the rules are unfair compared to their own standards. These players choose either option 3 or 4.

Amongst players choosing options 1, 2, 3, intentionally or unintentionally, they experience various events from the beginning to the end. Some reach the end ‘naturally’, some have to end the game ‘involuntarily’, just like how they have been put into the game in the first place. We see partnerships and supports between players during the game, but there are violence and elimination too. The stronger players get the prize.

I had been a mommy’s boy, a teachers' pet all my school life until university. I studied Engineering and did not like it but I finished it anyway. After graduating, I did not work a typical tech job but instead volunteered and worked for charities and non-profit organisations for humanitarian and environmental causes. The jobs were somewhat meaningful, but they were not intellectually fulfilling to me. They were simple, and most of the time monotonous. Few years ago, I decided to try the corporate world. It was stressful, and not particularly intellectually stimulating. They just give me the sense of busy all the time. And it is meaningless, to me.

A few things about me at this point: male, in my 30s, single, from a developing country in Asia. It has took me a long time to learn and see the world and to build my own set of personal values. I care about the environment and I do not think the current design of the society is the best, where money rules the world and (many) people are cruel to their peers. I do not feel settled when I think about disadvantaged people. It is just wrong for people to pursue excessive wealth while there are so many other people living in extreme poverty. It is a dissonance for me to live in this state of the society.

Since I started this corporate job (in another country), I have saved a sum of money with the intention of going back home, buying a land, and growing my own food. At the moment, I do not have enough saving to not have to work anymore so it means I still have to find a job to earn some money for my living. I am thinking part time jobs in an organic grocery, a book shop, or an art shop. I do not know if I can actually live like that given my experience with simple, monotonous jobs. I do not have any experience with growing food, it would take a while and trials and errors until I can get there. The most difficult part is I will likely have to do this alone. I do not have a partner, and I do not think it is easy to find a guy to go with me on this journey. And I would expect to have at least some friends to join me but most of my friends will not follow this path.

I still want to achieve something in the 'normal sense' - this is the part where I still want to integrate in the society and do something for it, and the disadvantaged people, and get some sort of ‘recognition’. And I can't deny that I still want to have more money than just enough for my simple life in the garden, so I could travel once in awhile. I want to see different parts of the world.