5% human, 95% bad sense of humour

#how unsatisfied are these people with parenthood that they have to validate themselves like this

Goblet of fire au where Harry is entered into the Eurovision song contest

cant believe we’ll never know who ended homophobia because he was anon

good idea: marry a blacksmith so you can get free swords whenever 

my brother is teaching his cat how to high five by giving her a treat every time she successfully taps her hand to his hand, which is all well and good, but now she thinks that she is entitled to food every time she high fives someone.  i can’t eat in the same room as her anymore because she’ll just bap my hand rapid fire and then go nyoom straight in for my pizza like no Kelly that’s illegal go finish ur own dinner

“No Kelly, that’s illegal.”

look. i don’t think my stretch marks are beautiful. i don’t think they’re tiger stripes or natural tattooos. i don’t think my acne is beautiful. i don’t think the bags under my eyes are beautiful. i just think they’re human. and i don’t think i have to be beautiful all of the time in order to be accepted and loved and sucessful. i don’t think every small detail of my outer appearence needs to be translated into prettiness.

what the actual fuck

Men don’t know women can pee

ive been sitting on the toilet for 20 minutes trying to piss but the pee keeps getting lost in my confusing Woman Body

LORDLY OVER THE BOWL

rizzo fucking killed him

#this single photo here validates the existence of the selfie stick I SWEAR TO GOD

*wants to chill and avoid drama* *is opinionated and takes no shit, criticises everything and needs to have the last word*