ᴍᴜꜱᴇ.

shea — a girl figuring things out

𓂃 thoughts, questions, dreams & quiet observations

psychology • oceans • art • becoming

[the archive] • [latest entry]

i feel like when other girls just save things they like, i have to create a whole system. everything needs to be organized by style, necessity, category and somehow a specific vibe.

𝜗ৎ receiving a pink annotated bible from my future husband on our wedding day or opening love letters he wrote over the years, little pieces of our story that he kept because he always knew i was the person he wanted forever with

𝜗ৎ kissing and dancing with the loml in the rain with american jesus or does god cry (by nessa), stupid song (by olivia rodrigo but the chorus on loop) or art deco or blue jeans (by lana) playing in the background

𝜗ৎ having my mini me so we're able to do matching hair, nails, attitude and everything else

𝜗ৎ being able to enter art museums and stand in the presence of details that have lived longer than i will, things created by hands that existed long before mine

𝜗ৎ the concept of our eyes holding depths and truths; the belief that love can be seen through a single glance, in the way someone looks at you

𝜗ৎ songs about women who genuinely love their men enough to believe in til death do us part

𝜗ৎ the idea of being remembered; not even in a famous way, but through little pieces of yourself that quietly stay with people even after you're gone

𝜗ৎ the entire concept of dreams; how some of them become realities, how some feel like hints of a future i haven’t reached yet, and how something that once only existed in my mind can eventually become my life

𝜗ৎ the fact you'll never physically be able to inject a song into your veins; that something can be so intertwined with your emotions, memories and identity yet you can only experience it through sound

𝜗ৎ the idea that some of our greatest historical figures were considered unreasonable, obsessive or even impossible in their time; that the same qualities that made them extraordinary also made them strange

𝜗ৎ the books i’ll never read for the first time again and the wattpad stories i’ll probably never find again

𝜗ৎ women and their ability to create, hone and cater to generations; the hands behind traditions, stories, art, beauty and things that continue long after they’re gone

because i want him more than any stupid song could ever say

i want people to notice me, but the second i feel like everyone’s actually looking at me, i suddenly forget how to exist.

i love compliments. i love when ppl i love cater to me. i love listening to how pretty i am or how much someone couldn't survive without me.

i love, love, loveee when people take random pictures of me. when they notice the little things that feels so me.

and honestly? i don't care.

i love feeling wanted. i love knowing that i matter to someone. i love being self-aware and knowing my worth, but i love having people who see it too;

people who remind me that i’m worth loving.

or maybe it's just as simple this:

i like the idea, the feeling of being loved loudly.

they’re so cute, feminine and absolutely effortless; i will never stop being obsessed with them.

and it’s so confusing because i don’t constantly perfect things.

i either give something my entire effort and expect it to be flawless, rush through it because it needs to be done and i want it out of the way, or avoid it completely because anything less than perfect feels like a failure.

not because of the tragedy itself but because of the questions they leave behind.

the way people think, the choices they make, the details everyone else overlooks and how much there is to uncover about a person.

or will you stay with me?

my period came a few days late recently but i wasn’t really stressing about it. then a few days into my cycle, my mom asked if my flow was usually heavy or light and i realized that this time it was actually much lighter than usual.

she mentioned how our routines, energy levels and the way we move through life can affect our cycles. i don’t know how accurate that is, but it made me think about how interesting it is that our bodies are constantly responding to us.