#internalized transphobia

What's even the point? Honestly should probably just live as a miserable tomboy and live vicariously through trans guys who actually are able to transition at good ages. There's genuinely nothing I can do. There's genuinely no way I could pass either. I was "blessed," with an "unrealistic" hyperfeminine body even cissies would kill for. People will say it's just my dysphoria talking because I'm just a hysterical gi— sorry, poo— sorry, little bi— sorry, I mean uh little, insecure, poisoned by toxic masculinity boy. I would prove with pictures and measurements, but I know better than to put majorly identifying information online.

Honestly, if I can't transition before my 26th or 27th birthday I'm just going to kms, if I'm single. If I'm not, then I'd have to break things off first. Because bodily decline starts and regeneration slows and starts going backwards at 25, at and ~25 is when my bone-density gets permanently estrogenized and continues to get weaker. It'll also be when it gets harder to gain and maintain muscle no matter whether on estrogen or not, basically capping my potential gains more than they already were. Any potential height growth, while already unlikely, will be completely off the table. Any potential results to do with the growth of parts or masculinization beyond losing hair is going to be severely weaker or just not there.

I'd just get stupid tranny voice and a receding hairline. I'd just be fucked, there wouldn't be any point. I actually need to look like a man and sound like one. Not look like some fucked up tomboy or prepubescent little boy.

For one, many of us are talking about "real" experiences in "real life." If you were actually listening instead of just waiting your turn to open your mouth, you'd have noticed that simple fact. Use your context clues.

Just wanted to tell you that I appreciated the advice.

I've been trying to talk about it more lately. I was really scared to because part of me felt like talking about it would open me up to the danger of someone saying something like "if you think that it might be true/are you sure if youre trans if you feel like that" again but your reply helped with putting things into perspective since I have more to gain than to loose here even if that part is scary.

The first of these sucked because I was still too chickenshit to bring it up with anyone that matters so I instead submitted it in the anonymous advice/question box at a trans meet (so essentially what I did here but irl and directed at more strangers) and all of the replies from the other people in the group were about how you just have to love yourself. A lot of it hit me the wrong way though I can't explain why exactly.

But I did manage to talk to friends eventually and so far Ive found two people who do get it. And a lot who don't and now things are a bit weird because they cant relate at all and I dont know how to explain why Im like this it but we'll figure it out hopefully.

Also I (hopefully) found a new therapist who gets queer stuff more. My last ones weren't familiar with LGBTQIA+ related topics even if most of them weren't overtly homophobic.

Hey anon!! I thinkk I might have a sense of what your previous ask was but Ill be honest, a lot of anon asks are about internalized transphobia so Im not totally sure. But regardless, I am very proud of you!! This is scary as hell, because you felt it would open up your identity to scrutiny, so Id say you did awesome.

"Love yourself" is both kind of part of the solution sure but not very easy to put into practice so I get if it's frustrating to receive, because hey if we could flip a switch into loving ourselves we wouldve done it already!! I do think a therapist can help you better with this stuff, Ill say that while mine is very progressive she doesnt understand everything, and that's okay because we have different experiences, but someone who focuses on helping you as a whole means that even if they dont relate they will be able to give you more actionable advice.