Because it's true

“Soooo,” June dragged it out, indicating the shift in conversation, “did you talk with your therapist about your stag party? About trusting yourself?”

Sherlock nodded as he leaned forward. “It was a good session. I don’t think – ” he sighed, cutting himself off before taking a deep breath. “I will always be an addict, but for right now, am in a very good place and with Greyson starting to sleep through the night my concern that I might be triggered is very low.” Both Molly and June nodded in understanding. “We talked about how my drug use is not just a simple impulsive act but a deep rooted, toxic coping mechanism for my self-hatred.”

“Buzz words…” Molly whispered, making June giggle quietly.

“Hush,” Sherlock scoffed at her, but smirked. “Obviously, I am not going to walk into the middle of a drug den right now – bad idea – but I am also not in the middle of withdrawal, nor have I had any cravings in months.” He shifted in his seat, an indication, June had learned, of him striving to get his wording accurate. “Right now, I need to focus on my self-doubt when it comes to being a husband and a father.”

“Focusing on that will help you feel more secure in your sobriety?” June asked and he nodded. “Okay.” Looking at Molly, “It’s been a while since you have needed an individual session – any concerns with dissociation, triggers, feeling overwhelmed?”

Molly shook her head with a smile, “No, I’ve been feeling great! Really focused at work…haven’t cut up the wrong dead body yet.” June smiled at her, glad that Molly had become comfortable enough with being herself in session. “I’ve been doing my best to review my warning signs list at least once a week and I practice my skills with Mina.”

“I love hearing that – she will be well set up in the future to help herself regulate, that’s great!” She paused a moment before continuing, “With the wedding next month, unless you two can think of something more urgent, I say we focus today’s work on how you two as a couple can help Sherlock with his self-doubt.” They both nodded in agreement. “Let’s start with how things are going with being mindful of sharing how you are feeling with each other.”

Molly sighed, “It is possible to check-in with your significant other too often?”

“Nope,” Sherlock popped his lips.

She turned to him, gaping. “You asked for two check-ins an hour last night.”

“Oh,” June nodded in understanding. “Yeah, that can be a lot of checking-in and emotional sharing.”

“SO MUCH!” Molly huffed, but June could tell she wasn’t really mad. “I don’t want to limit us being open,” she held her hand out and he took it, “But I don’t need to tell you that I am having the same emotion 7 times in one night either.” She squeezed his hand in emphasis.

He thought for a moment. “I may have over done it last night.” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. “I will aim for no more than 3 check-ins a night…on average.” A smirk tugged at the corner of his lips.

“Thank you.” Molly shook her head.

June looked between the two of them, “That is a really good compromise for you two.” She turned her attention back to Sherlock. “Can you explain what you meant last session when you said,” she checked the notebook on her desk to make sure she got it right, “I mess up when things are good?”

Sherlock nodded but stayed quiet for a moment while he thought. “All of our problems started…” he stopped when he noticed June’s frown. Clearing his throat, he continued, “One of the first moments of this in our relationship was when I choose to stay at Baker Street after I got out of the hospital instead of going home.”

June nodded when she realized he thought he had explained himself fully, “Okay…I think I am going to need more of a connection than that, especially since we have talked about this decision in a different context before – can you expound?”

“I know I’ve brought up that I was angry at myself for that decision because in reality it did nothing for Molly and Mina’s safety, nor did it assist in my working of the Magnussen case.” He paused to take a deep breath, “The reality is that I got in my head and told myself that my presence in their lives was a risk…and that I was not worth the risk.”

June opened her mouth, but Sherlock was staring at the ground so when she noticed Molly frown and turn her head to look out the window, she kept quiet, watching them. Molly’s brow furrowed deeper, and she gave an angry sigh through her nose, before turning back to her fiancé.

“You have always been worth the risk.” Her words were intense, and her expression was hard, serious. Sherlock looked up at her, taken back by her severity. “Sherlock, I helped you fake your death for fucks sake.” Righteous anger rolled off her. “Do you remember asking me why I was risking everything for you?” He was silent as he nodded yes, of course. “I told you then that you were worth it.”

“Molly, it’s not that I don’t believe you, I just – ” he started but she cut him off.

“Oh, I know you believe me!” Tears were streaming down her face. “I am not angry with you. I am angry with the situation – I am furious that your brain constantly lies to you about how I feel about you.” She roughly wiped her face. “I chose you a long time ago and if everything we have been through so far hasn’t changed that, nothing will.” Grabbing his hand, she forced him to look her in the eye again. “I choose you.”

He was silent as he stood, pulling her up with him, and gathered her in his arms, silently burying his face in the crock of her neck.

June smiled to herself as she turned her gaze out the window, giving them a moment.

After a minute or so, she heard Sherlock quietly tell Molly that he chose her too before releasing his hold on her. They took a moment to adjust themselves and get settled back into their chairs.