hello lovely!

Fast forward to now. She’s had this hacking cough and she pants at night. It’s been happening for a few years. Seems to be worse lately. I’ve been pretty worried about her for a while, because she’s my baby, and everyone loves Luna. The kids say good morning to her and give her pets and cuddles every morning, they love giving her treats and playing, and my anxiety about her health has been increasing. She’s probably 11, I figured she’s getting up there and there’s a chance the worsening symptoms were the onset of heart disease or CHF. It was keeping me up at night. I felt like I did bringing Violet home from the NICU, listening to Luna’s panting and counting her breaths. Made an appointment with the vet because hey, let’s get her on meds.

Appointment was today. They listen to her heart and lungs. The vet said, “Her heart sounds absolutely perfect and her lungs are totally clear… she does have thyroid disease though. We need to increase her levothyroxine… also, she’s about 10 pounds overweight. She’s panting… because she’s fat… her joints seem healthy. But her front leg shakiness is probably from the excess weight.”

I AM DYING. I thought we were approaching scary and sad times but the only one who’s going to be sad is Luna, when she starts her diet and doesn’t get as many treats. I panicked and thought she was super sick and we were neglecting her. She’s just a Chonkasaurus Rex 😂😭💀🤪

Anyway. Just know that my dog is plump and is coughing because her thyroid is irritated, and panting and snoring harder because she’s overweight. Enjoy this pic of “thickums”, as Frank called her tonight 😂🤣

The first few months were smooth as butter, because our crew is home and we didn’t have much to do. But the past month has been CRAZY. I didn’t even realize how much I’m in charge of. I have to set the dates for meetings, do all of prep and planning, buy the snacks, send the emails, make the posts, blah blah blah. That’s doable. But now, I have to get the info out for things for the upcoming deployment. I have to make the arrangements for halfway boxes and set up the calendar squares, and probably put the actual calendar together for the boat. I have to plan the events, book them, balance our budget, set up fundraisers, be the person AT the fundraisers to make sure they run… and I have two young kids who have a whole schedule too. I have to balance time with them and time with Frank and prep for all of my own shit during the deployment too. Oh. Oh. AND. With the current state of *gestures*, we have a lot more restrictions in place about social media and security and communication. So I’ve had to revamp our entire system with this whole thing. I don’t know how people will take to this but it’s what we have to do.

I have a VP and treasurer. Treasurer is great, she’s really helpful, and really on top of shit. Love her. My VP is… 22 and has been minimally helpful. She’s just young and doesn’t really know what she’s doing, which makes things rough. I need backup from her but I don’t even know how to get the help, because she works full time (whoop de doo) and has a dog. Cool cool, but I need help with this stuff. I was VP last year, and the president and I were basically copiloting the whole thing. It was seamless because she had me and I had her. Her husband moved to shore duty so she’s gone, and I’m just over here floundering.

Anyway. All of this to say, that I had to file the organization’s taxes and almost just shelled out an unnecessary $600 because last year’s Pres didn’t tell me I just had to fill out ONE FORM. Not the 3 in the “handbook.” By one, I mean for federal. We had to do the state tax form too, but that was due in Feb and we knocked that out. I should have had her tell me exactly when I needed to do for this one too, because ya girl thought I needed to fill out multiple federal forms, when it was just the fucking one. The other one I thought I needed was actually the initial application to become a nonprofit.

I grew up loving Harry Potter. I waited at the bookstores in the long lines at 7am or midnight. I’d read them over and over. I loved the movies too, but I remember being so disappointed in how much was left out. There were storylines critical to the plot, characters that were omitted or changed so much that they don’t match the book character, and honestly, just so much that didn’t fit in the 1.5-3 hour movie timeframe. And I get it. Anything longer and it wouldn’t have been worth watching for the general public.

Then JKR spiraled downward and dug herself a weird grave of racism, being a transphobe, and just general stupidity. I stopped supporting her. I haven’t bought any HP related merchandise or books.

But then they announced the HBO show. And the book nerd in me, the kid who waited in the lines at Borders, who went to midnight premiers of the movies, who read fanfiction and owned a cloak and a wand and who loved visiting Universal Studios just for the HP section, that kid in me was so excited. But I had to be quiet about it. I read the subreddit and the excitement grew with every new leak or little detail. The casting came out and I was teary, seeing what I consider to be a book accurate Hermione and a Ron that looks like what I pictured when I read the books. The casting for Snape came out, and despite my initial feelings of, “Oh no, people are going to feel like there is a racist undertone”, I’m also so open minded that I actually love the idea. If the actor is a good fit, which the directors thought, I think he’ll be great.

And then the trailer came out. I cried. I had full body goosebumps. I was as excited as I was the first time I saw the first movie. I’d hoped others would be as excited. And let me say, the subreddits were ablaze with excitement. Everyone was excited.

And then I went on Facebook and saw comments. I saw posts on threads. People being blatantly and openly racist. Calling him “Jamal Snape” and “Snape Dogg”, saying Whoopi Goldberg wanted her hair back. Saying he looked like Kel. Talking about the “dark” arts. Things like, “After all this time?” “Fo sho”. The “half-BLOOD prince”. And I’m disgusted.

I know racism is alive and well. Hell, I know it better than a lot of people, considering I’m married to a brown man and we have kids. I know BLM is still an issue today. The ICE detention centers are horrific. But damn. I didn’t realize people would be flying their racist flags so damn freely. It’s awful. People have more of an issue with Snape being cast as a black man, than issue with JKR and her beliefs? I mean, it checks out, racists also tend to be transphobic as well. But ffs.

And to a lesser degree, the people who just keep saying, “The movies were fine, we don’t need this!” The movies left out so much. So much. And then people are complaining about the look of the series being too similar to the movies… weird, it’s almost like they have the same source material. Like she created a world so vivid and distinct, that the sets and costumes would be so similar. Crazy.

Family drama. I had a falling out with my aunt (some degree of cousin? Idk) last year, because she was lying and gaslighting and being a bitch to family members I care deeply about. She called me a liar, she told me we’re all deranged and need to be psychologically evaluated, that we all deserve to be locked up in prison or an asylum… LOL. Anyway. Thought we’d made up with time and distance. We met up in January so my kids could see her grandkids (my cousin that is extremely ill and pregnant is her daughter).

Fast forward. The past few weeks have been ROUGH. My grandma is 90. My grandpa just got diagnosed with dementia and moved to a long term care facility. My aunt spent a lot of years volunteering with nursing homes and thinks she knows everything, and has been helpful navigating getting my grandpa care… but she started in with the gaslighting and lies again. The exact same as last year. In front of my grandparents and uncle (who is developmentally disabled), my uncle who didn’t believe that it was real that she was doing all of this last year. And I had to call her and tell her to back off once again. And in the 10 minutes before I pressed the call button, my heart was pounding and I could barely breathe. I pulled it together long enough to talk to her calmly, but I haven’t had an attack like that in a long time (well, since the call last year).

Nate’s hair is in his eyes. He needs a cut. Violet’s school is off today, so we were going to go to toddler open gym at the gymnastics gym and then go to the barber near there. Nope. It’s also Frank’s birthday weekend, so I’ve been trying to set up a little party for him. Probably not happening. I’m prepping things for the JBF sale, and was going to take everything to the laundromat tonight so I can drop off to the person doing my tagging. Since Frank is sick, I don’t think he’s up for being home alone with the kids for 2-3 hours. I have PT for my shoulder today, my first official session. It’s been bugging me for months and I’ve finally gotten into an orthopedist and PT. Not sure if I can go with Frank being sick and Violet being sick. My friend is moving next week and I was supposed to babysit her oldest so she can get stuff done. Welp. I don’t think they want whatever plagues we’re dealing with here.

Then Frank gets home, and he’s coughing, congested, and shivering. Fever of 102. I give him DayQuil and tea and send him to shower, make him soup for dinner too. Meanwhile Nate is absolutely off the wall crazy because we didn’t do much all day… 😅

It’s our 11th dating anniversary. He apologized for not doing more, and I (stupidly) said, “It’s okay love, don’t worry about it. I wasn’t expecting anything crazy.” Apparently that was… not it. I didn’t mean it in a bad way. But with Violet not feeling well, and him being sick, at *most* I was planning on ordering some sushi or something. But I wasn’t mad or disappointed or anything like that. Of course I feel like an asshole now.

So yeah, I’m like 99.9999% sure it’s coming in the next few days. Nate’s been stealing her cups no matter how many times I try to intercept. And before she tested positive, they’d been sharing cookies and juice boxes that afternoon. So I’m sure he’s doomed as well. Luckily for Frank, he’s been working until 5 or so every day, and while she’s been asking him to play on his phone etc., he hasn’t been as in the line of fire as Nate and I. So I’m hoping he’s mostly in the clear. With my luck, he and Nate will go down and I’ll somehow not catch it. And then I’ll be taking care of all three of them. LOL.

She’s doing well though. Surprisingly, her energy levels are normal?! We had her follow up appointment with her pediatrician today and she said that could be the steroids still… which will probably wear off soon. She was coughing a lot tonight, so I definitely think the respiratory help from them is wearing off. But, I was also reading that vaccinated kids tend to fight it off faster. So hopefully, she’ll actually be on the up and up soon. Which again, brings me to my fear for Nate. I’ve had multiple people tell me I shouldn’t worry about him at all, which is wild. “Don’t worry unless he starts showing symptoms! He probably won’t, he’ll be fine! Don’t stress yourself out!” It’s not like it’s a cold lol it’s extremely contagious! It’s not an if, it’s a when, and how severe he’ll get it. I kept putting off his vaccine because things kept coming up - he’d get sick, we’d be busy, ADHD forgetfulness, remembering and then having something come up again… so I feel like a shit parent. He’s miserable when he gets sick, and hates medicine. So it’ll be so… fun…

Also have a friend that told me to stop complaining because her kids have a cold, negative for flu/covid/rsv. But clearly their cold is worse than Violet’s flu? Like what? But also, another friend who told me to stop being optimistic and accept our fate 🤣 Her family had it a few weeks ago and she said she and her 2 year old were hit hard, even with the vaccine. We’re at the relative beginning of our friendship but she’s great. So brutally honest. But also so, so sweet.

11:30pm, I hear the weirdest crying/coughing come from her room. I go up, she was wheezing, face super pale, couldn’t breathe in or out without wheezing/coughing, and it was a croupy cough. Frank comes in, immediately says, “You’re taking her in right? I’ll keep an eye on Nate. You guys go!” We get to the hospital, they get us checked in and brought back pretty quickly. Barely had a fever, but they heard her breathing and ordered flu/covid swabs, a chest X-ray, and steroids… homie has the flu. They didn’t say which strain, but dang. It hit her like a train. Steroids kicked in within a few minutes, and she was breathing better. She seems to be feeling okay today, but poor girl. She was so scared last night. And she was shaking violently from being scared, and crying, and she couldn’t even cry because every breath in or out was so wheezy.