Dots

It has been a while.

Hope you are doing ok.

Why do I want to die once I mess something up?

The feeling of excitement and wanting to succeed is there until I mess up on something so small and then the world would look like it lost all the hope in me and in the thing I am doing.

I just wish I would just die right now.

I don't know what I am feeling and my emotions are clashing. Nothing seems clear to me and I...

I want to die but I fear death.

I feel hopeless and even If I explain no one would understand. I am very stressed and my family isn't helping in this case.

Today, exactly at 6 p.m, I wished I would just die and slammed the back of my head against the closet multiple of times.

It hurt.

And I didn't die.

So instead, I just hoped I would just, at least, go into a coma.

Diary of the 22nd of January, 2019

Peaceful yet still messed up.

For some reason, I am still looking up

Hopeful but at the verge of giving up.

Yet again, I am still looking up.