Tommy wrinkles his nose. "You're disgusting." He takes Buck's clothes anyway and throws it in the open washer. When Buck doesn't move an inch, Tommy tells him he stinks. "What are you doing?"

"I'm helping." Buck grabs the laundry detergent and spills it all over Tommy's front. "Oops."

Tommy exhales deeply, reminding Buck of a cartoon bull. "Evan. What are you trying to do?"

"It was an accident." He tilts his head and smirks. "Guess you'll just have to take it off."

Tommy gives him a dry look. "Are you going to help with that too?"

Buck's brain short circuits, but when he sees the smirk on Tommy's face, he just can't let Tommy think he's called his bluff. "Yeah, okay." He reaches out and tugs on the hem of Tommy's shirt, pleased with the way Tommy's stomach jumps at the contact. When Tommy doesn't pull away, Buck pulls the shirt over his head and tosses it in the washer. He watches Tommy's face as he slowly undoes his pants next, grinning when his breath hitches.

Tommy pushes Buck against the counter, crowds into his space, hands heavy on his hips. "Well, you got what you wanted."

Buck shakes his head. "Not yet." He grabs Tommy's face and kisses him and he didn't know this is what he wanted but now it feels like he's never wanted anything else.

Tommy grinds into Buck, their hard cocks pressed together, and swallows the sounds before they can echo through the room. He slides his hands from Buck's hips to Buck's stomach and up to his pecs, squeezing and swiping his thumbs over his nipples.

They grind and hump and kiss and pant into each other's mouths until they're both coming in their briefs.

Tommy steps back, just enough that he can grab Buck's cock through his soaked briefs, making Buck whine. "Good thing it's laundry day." Then he drops to his knees and mouths at the wet fabric.

Buck blinks, his brain not quite back online. "Tommy?"

Tommy regarded the loft. ”Alright, I'm starting to see the advantages of not having walls.”

Buck looked up as well, then back to Tommy. ”It's not about the walls, it's about the windows.”

”Having a lot of windows doesn't matter, if you have a lot of walls.”

”What are you talking about–”

They both jumped at the sound of the timer. Buck rushed to get the oven. He was extra careful, pulling the dish out of the oven. It would be just his luck to drop the thing, after spending all afternoon making it. He heard the timer magnetise onto the fridge, before he felt Tommy at his shoulder.

Tommy whistled. ”Looks delicious.”

”Yeah?”

”Very.” He patted Buck on the hip. ”Need help with anything?”

”If you could,” he gestured to the sides still sitting on the island. ”I'll get the drinks.”

As they sat down, Buck took in the spread before them. He was pretty happy with his efforts, even though he could think of a few things he could've done better. He hadn't asked about Tommy's preferences ahead of time. He waited to dig in, until Tommy did.

Tommy pointed to his plate with his fork. ”This is incredible.”

”Thank you,” Buck preened, relieved.

”I remember Bobby's lasagna. This is not that.”

”He's probably improved it, since you had it last.”

”Oh, no, baby, this is all you, I'm sure of it.”

Baby. The spine tingles persisted.

”I try,” he blushed. ”Bobby is a great teacher.”

”And you're a great student.”

His fork halted halfway to his mouth. ”Oh.”

”Doesn't matter how great he is. This,” Tommy gestured to the food, ”takes skill.”

He almost felt a lump in his throat. ”Th-thank you.”

Tommy smiled and kept eating. He loved everything and wasn't too shy to say so. It was the restaurant all over again. They kept talking.

They took a break between dinner and dessert, to go watch the sunset from the balcony, only to come back inside, and keep talking. Buck was running out of snacks and drinks to offer, but he didn't want Tommy to go. Buck had had his fair share of intense friendships over the years, but this was something else. The conversation was still flowing easily, and Tommy had made no indications about heading home, yet all Buck could think was don't leave.

Tommy was beautiful. When he laughed, it beamed out of his whole body. Even at rest, it was so clear on his face how much he'd smiled in his life. He followed everything Buck said so closely, taking all of it in and responding.

His chest felt tight, when he thought about how he wanted to do this every night. He wanted to listen to and know all of Tommy's stories. He wanted to call him when work was slow. He wanted him to breathe down his neck, while he read every plaque, at every museum in all of LA. He wanted to know every offensive hat Tommy owned.

They were already sitting at the corner of the table, right next to each other, but Buck scooted his chair back, to get the table out of the way. ”Come here for a sec?”

Tommy scooted back, too, then angled himself toward him. ”What's up?”

”I just need to–” His fingers clutched uselessly at the air, before he committed. His hands found the sides of Tommy's face and pulled him close. Tommy kept his eyes open, until the last second – maybe longer. Buck closed his eyes. Tommy's lips were warm and a little wet.

The kiss wasn't deep enough to taste him, but deep enough to make a small sound when they parted.

”Oh.”

”Oh?”

”Oh,” Buck said and dove back in. This was the part that was missing. He would've fallen off the chair, in his quest to get closer, if Tommy hadn't grabbed the legs and hitched it forward. Buck's weight made the chair screech across the floor. He wound his arms around Tommy's shoulders, holding on tightly, as if Tommy was going somewhere.

The position was awkward, their knees kept them apart. The only place Tommy's hands could comfortably go, was on Buck's thighs.

Buck broke the kiss, to take a breath, but didn't move away. His fingers found Tommy's bottom lip, needing to touch. ”Sorry, was that– was that OK?”

A smile bloomed across Tommy's face. ”Yeah, baby, that was OK.”

”I love when you call me that,” Buck said, more than a little dazed.

”I can tell.” Tommy nuzzled the side of his face. Buck was helpless not to chase it.

”Is that– is that why you do it?” His fingers trailed up the side of Tommy's face, to touch the smile lines around his eyes.

He could feel Tommy grin against his cheek. ”Well, we can't both be Boyfriend. That would be confusing.”

”You're not funny.”

”I'm hilarious.”

Buck giggled, and squirmed at the feeling of Tommy's scruff. ”You're not, I just smile a lot.”

”Get over here and smile some more.”

Buck abandoned his chair, and sat across Tommy's lap instead – this was not a straddling situation. The chair creaked and they both sat carefully still for a second. As solid as Tommy's lap felt, the chair didn't seem to be.

”I think we're good.”

”You sure?” Buck asked, hand reaching behind him for the kitchen island, just in case. Tommy wiggled, but there were no additional ominous sounds. ”This is not a problem I've ever had before,” he muttered.

Tommy laughed and buried his face in the crook of Buck's neck. Buck dug him out so they could kiss again.

Kissing Tommy was … well, it wasn't the kiss itself, it was his arms. They were so strong around him, it didn't feel like he could move, unless Tommy allowed him to.

This was what was missing. This was how all of their dates should have ended. He should have kissed Tommy after they got coffee, after they closed out the restaurant. He should have kissed him infront of the dire wolves, and after the aloe in the parking lot. He should have kissed him when Tommy held his hand at the Pollinator Meadow. He should have shoved Tommy into one of the helicopters at Harbor.

The only time he was happy about them not kissing, was at the club. If they'd kissed at the club, Buck wouldn't have remembered it, and not remembering his first kiss with Tommy would have broken his heart.

Their first kiss, was right here, in his kitchen, and he was going to remember that for the rest of his life.

”You OK?” Tommy asked softly.

”Yeah,” he smiled. ”Yeah, I think I just needed to catch up.”

”Catch up?”

”To you.” It was a little nonsensical, but Tommy seemed to understand.

”I'm glad you did.” Tommy nuzzled him.

They fell quiet again, for a moment. Buck tried to take it all in. What it felt like to be kissed by Tommy, how the breadth of his shoulders felt under his hands, how safe he felt. He touched his fingertips to Tommy's facial hair, and wondered at the fact that it didn't matter. Tommy being a man wasn't a factor at all.

”Hey, Boyfriend?” he whispered.

”Yes, baby?”

Maddie has been struggling to hold back her tears since she sat down at Buck’s island. A few manage to escape at those words, but she’s able to ask, “What changed your mind?”

Buck laughs again, “You know, when we decided that yes, we definitely wanted to be together, and we were going to work on it, we came up with a…a Five Year Plan. Mostly for…for financial and career stuff. Where would be the best place for Theo to go to school. When we should get married, because we knew that’s where we wanted to get to, eventually. We were thinking of doing it in February. But Tommy didn’t want to wait, and neither did I, really. So he asked me to do it now, and I said yes.”

Maddie must make a face, and it’s her bad luck that Buck finally decides to look at her. Whatever he sees makes him burst out laughing, “Holy shit, Maddie. Maybe you should just go home.”

Maddie opens her mouth, bewildered, “I…what…”

“Say it,” Buck snaps, “Or leave.”

“Say what?” Maddie sputters, “I—”

“Say exactly whatever condescending, bless your heart, silly little Buckaroo, big sis wisdom you’re dying to share.”

Maddie’s mouth moves before she can stop herself, “You can’t just…clipboard your way into a relationship, Evan.”

“Right,” Buck says with a razor wire smile, “First I’m too impulsive and don’t think anything through. But trying to plan and make something deliberately is the wrong thing, too. Tell me, Maddie. Tell me exactly what and how I should have done this.”

“I don’t think you should have done it at all,” Maddie bursts out.

”Buck?” Hen's face appeared above him.

”I can't feel my legs.”

Instantly, there was alarm in the slope of her brows. ”What happened?”

”I tripped.”

Hen was touching his legs through the heavy fabric. ”Can you feel this?”

”Yes.” It felt like he was losing time. Suddenly, Chimney was there. And Eddie. He blinked and Ravi appeared behind Hen's shoulder.

He was pulled to his feet. He was as surprised as the rest of them, when he could stand on his own. Hen was professional, but the concern underneath was obvious.

”We're getting you checked out, just to be safe.” He only caught half of what Hen was saying.

”Do I have to ride in the back?”

”Just to be safe,” she said again.

His vitals were fine, but they hooked him up to the monitor anyway. To be safe. He watched the ceiling of the ambulance, as they rode to the nearest hospital. He didn't know who was driving. Eddie would make sense. Hen was talking to someone, but Buck couldn't really hear it. There were no sirens.

The transfer was weird. They had him take off his turnouts in the ambulance bay, before presenting him with a wheelchair. His legs worked, even though he couldn't feel them. The nurse holding the chair smiled at him. Buck sat down and let them take him away.

It was busy, like it always was. The noise closed around him like a blanket. Everything was muffled and sort of out of focus. If it wasn't for the uniform, they probably would've had him wait in the chairs, instead of taking him straight back. They stuck him in a bay. The person next to him had a brand new cast on their arm.

Someone pulled the curtain shut around the bed. The noise was still there, but it was easier to see. Hen was still with him.

”How're you feeling?”

”I don't know,” he muttered. Without his turnouts, he could touch his legs. He ran his hands up and down his thighs. There was some amount of sensation, but it felt dull. Maybe delayed. ”Where're the others?”

”Waiting room.”

”They should head out.”

Hen looked at him for a beat. ”They will, if you're OK.”

”I am.”

Time skipped again. Someone had asked him questions, but he didn't remember answering them. Hen was talking to them. They weren't wearing scrubs or a coat. His eyes tracked Hen, as she came back.

”They're gonna take you upstairs.”

”What's upstairs?” he asked.

”Psych is upstairs. They think you're experiencing a mental health episode.”

He nodded. ”OK. Are you gonna head out?”

”I'm not allowed to come with you, so I will, yes.”

He didn't like the way she was looking at him. It was soft and … and something else. He patted his pockets and started pulling stuff out. ”You should take my knives. I don't wanna lose them.” He handed over his knives and a handful of other bits. ”Can I keep my phone?”

”Probably. They didn't say if you needed to be admitted, but you're not on a hold.” He watched her cram his stuff into her pockets. ”Tell them to call me, when they know more, yeah?”

”I will.”

*

”Dissociative episode?”

”Yes, Mr. Buckley. A mild one.”

By the tone of her voice, he'd asked before. ”Is it dangerous?”

”Generally speaking, no. It may very well be a one off. Although, given your history, you might have been experiencing dissociation without noticing for some time. It's a symptom and I highly recommend you talk to someone. It's treatable, but I'm afraid there's nothing we can do for you here.”

”I can leave?”

”Yes, you can. I'd be more comfortable if someone came to take you home, but I can't stop you from walking out on your own.”

”I can make some calls.”

”Would you like me to do it for you?”

”Uh, no. I-I can manage.”

He instinctually went for the stairwell. If the building was up to code, it was usually the safest place to be. Sound travelled weirdly, but it was relatively quiet. He sat on their stairs and scrolled through his contacts. If he called the station, the whole crew would come running, sirens and all. They'd already done it once.

Maddie would be upset. She was at work, so she'd be busy, too, but she would probably drop everything and come anyway.

Tommy. It would be such a shitty thing to do. Come save me again. No, he couldn't ask him that. Although, maybe Tommy would know more about this than he did. He could call Tommy, ask some questions and hang up.

”Evan?”

He didn't remember making the call or putting the phone to his ear. ”Hi, Tommy.”

”Everything OK?”

”Do you have PTSD?”

The line was silent for a moment. Someone entered the stairwell above him, hurried down one flight, slamming the door after them. The sound ricocheted. Buck felt his whole body go tight.

”I have PTSD. Why do you ask?”

”Dissociation,” he forced out between clenched teeth. ”Have you– Do you know what that is?”

”I do.”

”How do I– How do you– What am I supposed to do?”

”Where are you?”

”First Pres. They told me I can go home, but I don't know what to do.” His throat was parched. ”You're on shift, aren't you?”

”On a call, actually.”

Great. He was still ex-boyfriend of the fucking year. ”Why'd you pick up the phone?”

”Because it was your name on the screen. Who's taking you home?”

His eyes were watering. ”I don't know. I'm here alone and I don't know who to call.” There was noise in his head. It took a moment to pinpoint it was coming from Tommy's end of the line and not the stairwell he was sitting in.

”I can be there in twenty minutes.”

”That's not why I called.”

”You're dissociating alone in a hospital. I've been there. Do you want me to come get you?”

”Please.”

*

He couldn't tell if it was getting better. He kept checking his phone for the time, but the numbers didn't stick. It could have been twenty minutes, it could have been more, it could have been less.

He'd moved from the stairwell, to a chair near what looked like the reception. He hadn't been to this part of the hospital before.

When Tommy found him, he was in uniform. Buck had called him on scene, knew the likelihood of him being on shift, knew the only way he could make it to the hospital in twenty mintues, was if he got a ride immediately, yet the sight of the uniform was what made all those things connect to each other.

”You left work for me.”

Tommy reached out, rubbing his hand firmly up and down Buck's arm. ”I did. Hi, Evan.”

”Hi.”

”Do you need to sign out or anything?”

”I don't know.”

”That's OK, I'll ask.”

He should have been paying attention, but he couldn't. His entire focus narrowed down to Tommy's hand on his arm and the way the light caught on the metal of Tommy's name tag and shield.

”Do you have your belongings?”

Buck nodded. ”Gave Hen my stuff before she left, I only have my phone and ID.” He patted his chest pocket, feeling the plastic. There was no pen in the pocket. He must have handed that over, too.

Tommy steered him out of the hospital, hand heavy and firm on his back or his arm, depending on how much space was available. He didn't register much, until he was sitting down. Tommy had sat him down on a bench outside.

”How're you feeling?”

”Weird.”

Tommy squeezed his arm again. ”Have you dissociated before?”

”The doctor said I probably have, but I don't know.”

Tommy nodded. ”Most people don't notice, until it's a problem.”

”Why are you squeezing me?”

”Can you feel it?”

”Not really. Is that bad?”

”No, it's not bad. It's a grounding technique. Different people need different things.” He held out his arm. ”Can you feel me?”

With both hands, Buck grabbed Tommy's forearm. His skin was warm, the hair was scritchy. ”I can feel you.”

”If it helps, keep going. Do you need me to call anyone?”

Buck stroked up and down Tommy's arm. The feeling of the hair against his palm felt good. He did the same thing to his own arm, but it didn't feel like anything, so he stuck to Tommy's arm. ”Maybe Hen? I don't really know what to do. I can't work like this, can I?”

”Probably not.” Tommy got out his phone. ”Once you get a handle on it, you'll be fine, but until then.”

Buck tried to pay attention, but it was hard to focus on anything other than how weird he felt. It wasn't like being tired. He'd been a bit panicked earlier, but he knew he could trust Tommy to handle things.

”Evan?”

”Sorry, what?”

Tommy held the phone away from his ear. ”Do you wanna swing by the station or go straight home?”

”My car's at the station.”

”We'll swing by the station first.” Buck couldn't tell if Tommy was talking to him or not.

Tommy put his hand on his knee and squeezed. ”Here's what we'll do. I'll order an Uber, we'll go to the station, get your things, tell Howie you need time off, and then I'll drive you home. Does that sound OK?”

He scritched Tommy's arm hair. ”Sounds good.”

*

Tommy must have covered it over the phone, because Hen didn't ask anything, other than how he was feeling.

”Tired. Weird. Out of it.”

”I bet,” Hen said gently, as she handed over the stuff from his pockets. ”Are you OK with,” she pointed to Tommy. Tommy made a face and she made one back.

”Yeah, I'm fine.”

”I can take you to Maddie's place, if you want?” Tommy said.

”No, I'd rather be home. She doesn't need a third baby.”

Tommy didn't say fourth, but Buck could feel him thinking it.

”You've got time?” Hen asked.

”Got a forty-eight off starting tomorrow. I already cleared it,” Tommy said. Buck didn't bother asking when he'd made the arrangements, because he'd probably been right next to him, out of his mind and not listening.

He got an intense sense of déjà vu, when he asked Chim for time off, even though he wasn't alone this time. Tommy was standing at his shoulder, still squeezing his arm intermittently. Here and there, he felt it more.

”Give me an update in a couple of days.”

”Thanks, Chim.”

”You've got it. Wanna keep Maddie out of the loop?”

Buck grimaced. ”For now, maybe? There's nothing she can do and I don't want her to worry.”

Chimney looked at Tommy. ”Want me to keep a lid on that, too?”

Buck sighed and looked to the heavens. ”Do what you want, I can't deal with whatever this is right now.”

”What?” Chimney frowned.

”The hostility. I'm gonna go home before I throw up. Thanks for the time off.” He grabbed Tommy by the hand and led them to the locker room.

Tommy took his duffel before he had the chance to do anything with it. ”Are you nauseous?”

”I'm a lot of things.” He fished his car keys out of the side pocket and handed them over. ”Can we go?”

”Of course.” Tommy shouldered the bag and moved the keys to the same side, so he could hold Buck's hand. ”Let's get you home.”

Tommy put his bag in the backseat, while Buck climbed in. It felt weird sitting in his car in his uniform. The car shook, as Tommy slammed the driver's side door. Ravi waved as they pulled out and gestured to the phone in his hand, in a way that probably meant text me.

Maybe he could ask Tommy to type a message for the group chat later. If he did it himself, he wouldn't know what to say. Sorry I lost my mind today.

They'd been driving for a bit, when he finally managed to make himself ask, ”Should I be scared?”

”No,” Tommy said. ”Not about this. It's OK if you are, it feels horrible, especially in the beginning, but you don't need to be scared of it. You're not about to be admitted. Nothing is going to happen to you. You'll learn how to handle it and you'll be OK.”

”That sounds too easy.”

Tommy smiled softly. ”It does. It's not easy, but the sun will still rise tomorrow.”

”The sun will still rise?” he huffed.

”I've got more, if you want?”

”Sure.”

”Even your worst day will end. Doesn't matter how bad it is, the day will end. Time doesn't care, it'll go on whether you want it to or not, and sometimes a new day is all you need.”

”You really believe that?”

Tommy shrugged. ”I don't know if believe is the right word. There's no way to pause time, so it's true, even if it sounds corny.”

”You think tomorrow will be better?”

”You hit your limit today. The limit is not always a hard line. It doesn't have to be dramatic. Once you hit you limit, you hit it, it doesn't have to be something big. I've had panic attacks in so many grocery stores. And it's never anything special. A toddler crying in the distance, when I haven't slept well. The lights flickering in a weird way. Catching my own reflection in a freezer door. It's stupid, it's annoying, it's always inconvenient. It sucks, but life goes on. Sometimes the next day is worse, but there's a day after that that might be better.”

”Sounds like suicide prevention.”

”It is.”

Buck wasn't sure he liked how easily Tommy talked about it. Tommy didn't talk like this, unless an engine was involved.

”Hey.” Tommy tapped him on the thigh. ”I'm a vet. I'm in the demographic.”

”Oh. No, I know, I just … I forgot.”

At the next red light, Tommy turned in his seat. ”Better or worse?”

Buck took a moment to check. His legs still didn't feel attached. He curled his toes in his boots. It didn't do much of anything, but that could just be the boots. ”Worse, I think. Or maybe just different.”

”What you said to Howie, what was that about?”

Buck brushed him off, ”Doesn't matter.”

He could hear Tommy squeeze the steeringwheel. ”Getting upset can make the dissociation worse. You looked upset.”

”He's been criticising me lately. I don't think it's warranted,” he sniffed. ”But what do I know, I'm not a captain.”

”I've been doing this twice as long as you, and you're better than me. If Howard has a problem with you, it's not about your skills. You're one of the best firefighters I've ever met.”

Buck looked into the middle distance. ”Can you pull over?”

Tommy checked all the mirrors. ”Not really. Hold on.” He changed lanes a little too tightly, earning two horns and a rude gesture.

Buck was out of the car, before it was at a full stop. He moved too fast and ended up on his knees. Tommy came around the front, as fast as he could.

”Evan.”

Buck was breathing too fast. His fingers were tingling. ”I don't like this.” The grass under his knees was brittle and dead.

”Talk to me.”

Tommy was crouched beside him. He fumbled for Tommy's forearm and dug his fingers into the skin. ”Why does it feel like this?”

”I think you're having a panic attack, honey. You're not breathing right.” Tommy's other hand settled between his shoulderblades. He could barely feel it.

”How do– How do I make it stop?”

Tommy took his hand. It felt weak and numb in his grip. Tommy flattened his fingers against his chest and held it there. ”Breathe with me.”

Buck felt stupid and useless. He knew how to talk people through panic attacks. He knew what to say, knew how to box breathe, but he couldn't make himself do it. He hated Tommy's shirt. It was full of buttons and sharp things. He wanted it to be soft like a t-shirt or bare skin.

”Evan, come on. You've got this.”

”I don't,” he cried.

”You do, come on.”

Instead of following Tommy's breathing, he curled into Tommy's chest. Weirdly, it was easier to breathe while sobbing. Tommy's arms felt heavy around his shoulders, and real, like nothing else had all day.

”I've got you,” Tommy said into the crown of his head. ”I've got you.”

”I hate this.”

”I know, baby, I know, it fucking sucks, but you're OK.”

He felt like a child. ”I wanna go home.”

”We'll go in a minute. Keep breathing.”

Buck hiccupped, until he couldn't cry anymore. Tommy was muttering into his hair, but Buck couldn't hear it over the rushing in his ears. As he looked over Tommy's shoulder, he recognised the gas station close to his house. ”Can we go now?”

Judging by the sound, Tommy kissed the back of his head. ”Yeah, baby, we can go. Can you stand?”

With Tommy's help, he could. Tommy practically lifted him into the car. The car wasn't quiet, but when the driver's side door closed, Buck's ears rang as if it was.

”Evan?”

”I feel like I overreacted.”

”You reacted. Nothing over about it.”

But in the aftermath of pain is always peace.

And even if the pain carries on for hours, days – years, even – it always finds its way to peace eventually.

Today was a lucky one, one where his prayers were answered not just for his safety but for everyone he cares about. Chim survived, relatively unscathed, and found his words enough to promise forever with Maddie.

So, today, the peace soothes quickly, brings a barrage of beauty and, with it, Eddie finally feels like he can exhale.

When his eyes scan the narrow hallway, they eventually land on Buck, tucked in a corner on a bench at the end of it, Tommy slumped on his shoulder in sleep. He offers a little wave to Eddie with his free hand, the other holding a plate with cake of his own.

Eddie smiles, warmth filling the last little bits of his chest, love from Chim and Maddie blooming beside moments shared with Chris and Abula already settled there. But it’s not lost on Eddie how big this day was for Buck, too.

How hard it was for him to admit he was on a date with Tommy that night at the loft. The way he’d been so quiet, worry pinched between his eyes until Eddie finally realized he was focused on the wrong thing. Eddie hadn’t experienced something like that, himself, but he knew his job was easy.

Buck let go, and Eddie just had to catch.

When Buck disappeared after the ‘I Do’s and came back with Tommy, dragged along by his hand through the sea of people at the door, Eddie was already grinning. When he looked up and saw the soot lining Buck’s mouth, the giddy smile across his cheeks, he knew Buck made a choice that was so completely him, Eddie couldn’t be prouder.

“Hey,” he murmurs now, sinking onto the bench beside Buck. He leans over to make sure he hasn’t disrupted Tommy, but when he does Buck tosses a dismissive wave at him.

“He’s dead to the world,” Buck laughs. “Was at that wildfire the last day and a half. I don’t think you’d wake him up i-if you slapped him.”

Eddie raises his brows and teases “Or sprained his ankle?”

Buck shakes his head, rolls his eyes, and takes another bite of vanilla and buttercream. He looks happy in a way Eddie doesn’t quite remember seeing him before. Like he finally feels calm.

Peaceful.

“How’s the hangover?” Eddie asks, digging into his own slice.

Buck closes his eyes and takes a breath. “I’m gonna sleep for a day…or five.”

Eddie takes out a bottle of water he’d shoved into his pocket and cracks the seal, handing it over to Buck.

“Thank you,” Buck says before inhaling half the bottle. He offers it back to Eddie with a grimace, “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Eddie shrugs. “There’s more. You keep it.”

They eat a few more bites in quiet company, the occasional door swinging shut nearby, Maddie’s laughter drifting from across the hall. Bobby and Athena duck out and wave goodbye to the pair before heading out themselves.

When they finish, Eddie takes Buck’s plate and stacks it with his own, tossing it in a garbage nearby before settling back beside Buck.

“I’m glad he could come,” Eddie says, gesturing to Tommy.

Buck looks up at him, eyes shimmering with surprise and that alone makes Eddie’s chest ache.

Proving people care in a way Buck doesn’t think anyone does is like fighting the devil himself sometimes, thoughts so ingrained they’re burned into Buck’s bones.

“R-Really?” Buck asks. “I-I mean–”

“Well, I had a question for him about the Cheville,” Eddie says, crossing his arms over his chest.

He cares, but he is still Buck’s best friend, after all – he can’t resist the teasing.

It works and Buck chuckles, the tension in his shoulders dropping slightly, his elbow playfully jabbing into Eddie’s ribs.

Eddie turns toward him, catching his eyes so he knows Buck hears him.

“Really,” Eddie says. “I’m proud of you, man. You didn’t let all this,” he gestures to the hospital halls, rooms lined with crash carts and nurses in scrubs, “trip you up.”

“Yeah,” Buck says, the weight of everything slipping away as he sinks against the wall, Tommy going with him. “Easier to do it a-all at once.”

“I’m sure it’s not easy, but…” Eddie says, leaning against the wall beside Buck. “You seem really happy.”

Buck turns and his smile widens, tears shining in his eyes, the brightness in them dimming the last of the worry. The ache in Eddie’s chest softens at the sight.

“I am,” he says.

Eddie glances between Buck and Tommy and it’s hard to stop the smile spreading up his own cheeks. Buck’s hand is laced lightly with Tommy’s, thumb brushing absentmindedly over his knuckles.

Tommy’s a good guy – and Buck’s the best guy Eddie knows – seeing them together like this makes so much sense, Eddie’s shocked he didn’t realize it sooner himself.

“And,” he nudges Buck, “Now everyone knows. You can bitch about him leaving towels on the ground at work like you always do.”

Buck elbows him a little harder this time. “I don’t always bitch at work.”

Eddie smirks and puts his hands up, “Then how do I know everything about the way your exes left their towels around?”

“It’s not…that’s–”

“Taylor uses three towels for one shower, Eddie. And then she gets another one to wash her face!” Eddie says in his best impersonation of Buck. “I got this fancy new apartment and there’s three places to hang towels in my bathroom, Eddie. Three! And Ali just–”

“Okay,” Buck concedes, laughing himself now. “Okay, yes. Fine. I like towels to be dry, sue me.”

“It’s a thing, Buck,” Eddie says.

“It’s not a thing, it’s normal!” Buck replies without pause.

“It’s definitely a thing,” Tommy mumbles from beside Buck, pinching Buck’s ribs and sinking deeper into his shoulder. “You already yelled at me for using the wrong hook the other–”

“It was the one farthest one from the shower, Tommy!” Buck scoffs, looking to Eddie for support.

Eddie offers none, just laughs and leans over Buck to tell Tommy. “It’s his weirdest thing. That and the other thing – with gum.”

Tommy cracks one eye open and furrows his brow. “What about gum?”

Before Eddie has a chance to explain, pain spikes up his shin and he hisses, glancing to see Buck’s foot collide with it again. “Ow, jeez Buck.”

“Shut up,” Buck grits out. “I have no things.”

“Well,” Tommy smirks, “You have one thing.”

Eddie can’t let it pass by, seizing the moment and saying, “Yeah, the towel thing.”

“I’m leaving,” Buck says and starts to shove Tommy off him and slip from between them. Tommy wraps his arms around him and holds him in place with a playful whine.

“No, no, no,” he says, “We were kidding. Come back, Evan. Please, you’re so warm.”

“You were just surrounded by fire for twenty-four hours, how could you possibly want to be warm?”

Eddie inhales and takes the opportunity, standing and turning toward the couple. “I’m gonna take off. I gotta relieve Abuela so she can sleep in her own bed.”

“I want to make you say it, actually,” Tommy says pleasantly. Even though he’s responding to Hen he keeps looking at Maddie. They may as well be the only two people in the room.

“We’re worried about Buck,” Hen says, the voice of reason, “I know it’s hard, but don’t take this personally.”

[MORE BUILD UP]

Tommy selects another cracker, “I’m here because he’s pissed off and doesn’t want to see you before he’s calmed down enough not to say something he’ll regret." 

“Whoah, hey,” Howie says, leaping to Maddie's defense automatically, “What has he got to be so mad about? Maddie’s been here for him every step of the way, and he’s now he's not going to talk to her—”

“Oh, I see, you think this has nothing to do with you,” Tommy interrupts.

“Don’t quote fucking Mean Girls at me—” Howie says.

“Devil Wears Prada,” Tommy corrects, “Anyway, he’s pissed at all of you. Well, Diaz is on probation for giving him the heads up about this little meeting. He’s still on thin fucking ice, but they’re doing their bro thing right now.”

“I’m surprised that doesn’t bother you,” Maddie says, “That Buck’s spending time with the ‘competition’.”

[HENREN AND CHIMNEY SEEM CONFUSED]

Tommy blinks at her, before he smiles a big, nose scrunchy smile, “You’re adorable.”

Maddie wants to throw her wine glass in his face, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I spent five years in the army under DADT, then another five under Gerrard’s tender mercy. OG Gerrard, not the doddering grandpa you met. And you think you’re capable of hurting my feelings.” He takes a deliberate sip of wine, “Like I said. Adorable.”

He is such a fucking cunt, Maddie thinks as she tightens her grip on her glass. She remembers back when they were first dating, Buck telling her Tommy was like, so mean. He was laughing as he said it, completely enamored.

Karen, bless her, “Hey, why don’t we take a deep breath? Tommy, this isn’t personal. Everyone’s just worried about Buck. He’s been through a lot lately, and making a change this fast—”

“Do you really want to go there, Karen?” Tommy cuts her off, “Remind me of how long you were with Hen before she threw the whole ‘I’m adopting my ex’s baby’ thing at you.”

“You’re out of line,” Hen says, her calm persona gone. 

3. It was a blood pressure drop--the guy, Darren, has pretty low blood pressure and got the Viagra from a friend and then sniffed some poppers. He gets put in the back of an ambulance by EMTs, and Hen and Chimney turn and look at him with obvious interest and curiosity. "I came out after I transferred," Tommy says as he pulls on his shirt. "Good for you," Bobby says almost firmly, like he's trying to put a stop to further questions. Tommy appreciates it. He already feels like his neck, ears, and face will be red forever. But the kid--Evan or Buck or Buckley, it depends on who's saying it--carefully tapes a piece of gauze to the spot on Tommy's wrist where he'd rubbed it raw trying to yank the chain through the surprisingly sturdy headboard. "You don't need to," Tommy says softly. "Mm, it's good practice," Evan says, smiling as he works. "I'm, uh, the probie. I just started a few months ago." "Congratulations," Tommy says, smiling. "I think you're my replacement." "Y-yeah, that's what Bobby said," he says, smiling back. "Um, are you really a pilot?"

4. Tommy gives Evan a tour of Harbor. It's good for him to be familiar with other types of houses, or so Tommy reasons. Really, he just likes the way the kid trips over himself and blushes and smiles, and Tommy catches him looking low, like he was checking Tommy's ass out or something. To be fair, he's already seen it. Hell, he saw everything. Thank god Tommy isn't prone to adrenaline boners anymore, because he was soft when they'd shown up. But still, Evan's seen it all. "If you ever want to transfer, you know where to go," he says when he looks over his shoulder, and yeah, Evan's eyes were just on his ass. Caught, Evan's cheeks go more pink as he meets Tommy's eyes. "Or if you just want to hang out," Tommy adds, smiling. "Or whatever." And they're walking through the airfield all the way to the edge, strolling along. There's a fence with a storage shed butted up against it. It holds spare stuff the mechanics use, but no one's ever there unless they're ducking behind it for a smoke. Or, in Tommy's case, to back a cute firefighter up against the wall and kiss him.

5. Evan's panting after just one kiss, and he's looking at Tommy like he's equally scared, curious, and turned on. "Huh," he says, which is a weird response to someone kissing you. But then he pulls Tommy in for another kiss, and then they're making out and Tommy has to put a stop to it, even though he started it. "As much as I want to, not here," he says, and Evan blinks owlishly at him. "Or...not at all?" "I mean, I'm open to it," Evan says before dragging him back in for another kiss, and they end up needing to separate again. Tommy gives him his address, since Evan apparently lives at some kind of fraternity house situation. Evan pulls up to his house a few minutes after Tommy, and he walks in looking like the epitome of "guy who's about to get laid." It's a good thing Tommy's neighbors don't care. But he pulls Evan in and kisses him against the door, and they make out all the way to Tommy's couch, because his room is too far. "I didn't bring handcuffs," Evan teases, and Tommy pinches his ass. It's not until they're both basically naked that Evan looks up from where he's been staring at Tommy's dick for about thirty seconds and says, "I've never done this before." Tommy's happy to make out with him and stroke his dick, and he's expecting it to be pretty one-sided, because he'd been a selfish piece of shit when he'd first hooked up with guys before he was out. But Evan strokes him right back and goes for Tommy's nipples with his mouth and says he's got a great physique. "Thanks," Tommy chokes out with a laugh.

6. After, they're getting dressed, and Evan looks like he's about to say something and Tommy braces himself. "So, uh, am I allowed to ask you out or are you not into that?" Evan asks. "N-no, I'm into it," Tommy says, blinking. "You are, too?" Evan shrugs and smiles. "I like talking to you," he says. "I just, uh, noticed that a lot of people in LA--well, women--don't really want to meet up again after. Which is cool, but--yeah." Tommy tips his chin up and kisses him, soft and gentle. "What are you doing Saturday?" he asks softly.

They spent a long time talking, switching from the hike to how Tommy's last shift had been to how Theo's week at school was to the video rabbit hole on sea turtles Evan had fallen down during a rare moment of quiet. By the time they say their goodnights, Tommy's ear is hot from having the screen pressed to his head for so long.

Evan and Theo are already waiting in the parking lot when Tommy arrives the next morning. Theo looks as pleased as Tommy imagines any four year old would to be woken up at this early on a Saturday morning, arms crossed tightly around his chest and his lower lip jutted out. That all changes when Tommy steps out of his truck and he runs to wrap his arms around his leg.

"Hi, Theo," Tommy greets, patting his head lightly. Theo beams up at him.

"Buck says there's a waterfall. Can we find it?"

"I'm sure we can," Tommy nods. He turns his eyes to Evan. "Hey."

"Hey," Evan grins. There's a moment where it almost seems like he's going to lean forward for a quick kiss, but instead he looks down at Theo and holds out his little backpack. "You ready, kiddo?"

"Yeah, let's find the waterfall!" Theo grabs Buck's hand and tugs him toward the start of the path, and Buck laughs, allowing himself to be pulled along. Tommy falls into step next to them under the shade of the trees.

Theo is a ball of energy, excitedly pointing to the flowers and insects, asking Evan to tell him their names and if they can take pictures of them all. He's loud, especially when a flock of birds takes off when they approach their roost. He squeals with delight and grabs Tommy's hand, pointing up to the sky.

"Like you!"

He keeps his grip on Tommy for a while, his little fingers squeezing tightly around his when he gets excited. The distance doesn't seem to bother him at all, they've walked maybe a mile and a half and his engery hasn't depleted a bit

He's still babbling away when they hear the rush of water in the near distance. He looks eagerly up at Evan.

"Is that it?" Evan pulls up a map of the path on his phone and shows it to him.

"Seems like it."

"So cool!" Theo takes off, kicking up a trail of dust in his wake.

"Stay where we can see you!" Evan yells after him, shaking his head.

"Is that a good idea?" Tommy asks. Evan grins at him and shrugs.

"He's okay. I have an airtag in his backpack, just in case." It's such an Evan thing to say, Tommy can't help but laugh. Evan laughs too and they drift closer as they follow Theo up the path, their shoulders bumping occasionally with their movements.

As eager as he is, Theo doesn't go more than a few feet ahead of them, bouncing in excitment. The waterfall is small, but he's thrilled by it all the same, marveling at the little rainbows the mist creates and small creatures swimming around in the water underneath. Tommy sneaks a few pictures of him and Evan knelt down, Evan pointing out a salamander and telling Theo some facts of his own. Tommy tries teaching them both how to skip rocks across the water's surface and they laugh as each one Evan tries sinks quickly. More hikers come and go, smiling and nodding kindly as they pass or settle on the grass nearby. It hits Tommy that those people see them as another happy family enjoying a day outside, two dads and their little boy who screams in shocked wonder when a fish leaps out of the water. How much he wishes that was true.

They start their descent back to the parking lot after sharing the smorgasbord of snacks Evan had brought with them. Now that the fun part is over and the day has gotten hotter, Theo is no longer as enthusiastic about the excursion and he starts whining quietly after a few yards that he's tired, his legs hurt. Evan has both of their backpacks now, so Tommy stoops and swings him up onto his shoulders without a second thought. The smile it gains from Evan is heart breakingly beautiful and more than a little grateful.

"How's the weather up there?" Tommy asks and Theo giggles.

"Daddy says that, too."

Back in the parking lot, Theo let's Evan buckle him into his carseat with little fuss, his eyes already drooping closed as soon as he gets still.

"Thanks for coming today," Evan says when they walk around to the drivers side. "I think he had a great time."

"I did, too. Thanks for inviting me."

That same tension from a few weeks ago is back, think and magnetic between them. Evan's gaze drops to his lips for a half second, then shoots back up to his eyes.

"I...I should get him home. Let him have his nap."

"Yeah." But he still lingers. Tommy huffs out a laugh and pulls him into a hug. "Drive safe."

"You, too," Evan says into his neck. "We'll see you soon."

And they did. After the hike, it seemed Tommy was being invited to join in on most of Evan and Theo's outings. They explored child-friendly museums and galleries, went to events in the park, spent evenings playing board games gathered around Evan's coffee table or watching animated movies on the couch. There was a memorable afternoon where Evan brought Theo to the Harbor station for a tour and Melton followed the boy around with the quiet amusement of a grandfather helping to sniff out harmless trouble. The three of them fell into each other's lives and routines like clicking a final missing puzzle piece into place.

Every encounter brought Tommy and Evan closer than they had been before. Keeping a tight lock on romance forced them to talk instead of burying themselves in each other's bodies. Evan told Tommy about his childhood, growing up with a family haunted by the memory of a brother he didn't know existed until just a few years ago, and how that loss shaped his relationship with his parents. Tommy told him about a father who was more of a dictator, watching and controlling every move he made until he joined the army, his distant mother who he believes loves him, but never as much as she loves herself, a string of step fathers he never bothered getting to know before they were replaced with the next. They shared secrets and regrets, fears and past glories, until it felt like there wasn't a flaw or scar left unseen. And all the while Theo whirled around them in bursts of glee and screaming anger, evenings of refusing to let Tommy leave until he fell asleep because the idea of him driving scared him, days when he wouldn't speak to Evan, but let Tommy coax him into eating his lunch or changing into his pajamas.

One day, Theo greets Tommy at the door with a little blue envelope decorated with ballons and his name drawn in crayon on the front. Inside is an invitation to Theo's fifth birthday party that weekend.

"I told him we could just ask you to come," Evan says, "but he insisted that all his friends get real invitations."

Later that evening, before getting tucked into bed, Theo makes Tommy pinky promise that he'll be at his party.

"Buck says you can't break these," He says, seriously. Tommy nods.

"I wouldn't miss it. Sleep tight, T-Rex."

Tommy has never been to a child's birthday party, but has an idea of what to expect when he lets himself in the day of the party thanks to movies and TV. There's the excited screams of children in the backyard, streamers and balloons and dinosaur decorations abound. The adults are gathered in the living room and back patio, talking and laughing, the table they had shared that first dinner at is piled with gifts.

"Tommy!" Theo shouts. The congregation of 118 members at the side of the yard looks up as he leaves his friends and runs to hug him.

"Hey, kiddo. Happy birthday!" He can feel multiple sets of eyes on him as Theo runs back to his playmates and Evan makes his way over to his side to take the gift bag from his hands and offer him a beer instead.

"Thank you for coming," He says with a small smile.

"Well, I did pinky promise. I was told those are unbreakable vows." Evan nods with the same seriousness Theo had.

"I have a couple of things to finish up in the kitchen, but I'll be right out. Help yourself to anything."

He bustles off and Tommy sighs. He doesn't know anyone else, so he figures he may as well bite the bullet. He heads over to join the other firefighters at the picnic table by the fence.

It's not nearly as awkward as he feared it would be. No one seems surprised to see his, and they all greet him with friendly familiarity. Soon enough, he's laughing with Howie and Hen about old calls, discussing the pros and cons of the new truck Eddie has been thinking about getting versus the one he has, giving Ravi and the 118's new probie work out tips. It feels normal, but Tommy knows it isn't. He sees the looks exchanged between Howie and Hen when they think he isn't looking. He hears their trepidation of him when they talk about Theo or Evan. It's all subtle, but Tommy is a man who lived most of his life with his head on a swivel, watching and listening for every small change in a person's demeanor.

Tommy is comfortable enough with himself to ignore all of that now. Today isn't about him, it's about the little boy who has had a traumatic year smiling while he blows out the candles on his birthday cake, it's about Theo excitedly tearing into the presents people who care enough to show up brought him, it's about a little boy curled up in his father's lap while they look at his new books together, even if he doesn't know what that moment really means.

People slowly start leaving and soon it's just the extended 118 family lingering, helping Evan gather up miscellaneous trash and take down decorations. Tommy grabs a couple of the serving trays and carries them into the kitchen, hesitating only a moment when he sees Evan's sister already standing at the sink, almost like she was waiting for him.

"That was a heck of a party," He says, shifting under the weight of Maddie's eyes. "Evan did a great job."

"He did," Maddie agrees. She takes the trays from him, emptying the leftovers and starting to wash them. Tommy is about to make his escape when she speaks again. "It sounds like the three of you have been spending a lot of time together."

Tommy can tell she's trying to keep her tone casual, but there's still an edge to it. His shoulders threaten to tighten, ready to go on the defensive, but he forces the feeling down and away. There's no reason for it, and he refuses to let himself be forced into this corner.

"We have," He acknowledges with no further explanation, not giving an inch. Maddie meets his challenge evenly.

"And you think that's a good idea? Given you and Buck's history?" Tommy grits his teeth.

"I think Evan is grown man who can make his own decisions, including who he wants involved his and Theo's lives."

Maddie drums her nails on the counter, obviously fighting against whatever words are poised on the tip of her tongue. After a long moment, she sighs.

"Look, I know you're not a bad man, I know I owe everything I still have to you. But Buck is in a vulnerable place right now learning how to live with all this. The last thing he needs is a boyfriend."

"Funny. Evan said the exact same thing." There's a vicious satisfaction at Maddie's look of surprise, how that drew her up short. "You're right, he doesn't need a boyfriend. He just needs someone who has is back. Someone who he isn't worried is waiting for him to make a wrong move or is going to try to correct him. We're friends, Maddie."

"You know he can never just be your friend," She says, and it's not an accusation, it's not said in a mean, nasty way. She states it as a plain fact. "Please just remember that whatever you two decide to do, there's someone else who's heart can be broken this time."

With that, she wipes her hands on a dish towel and leaves Tommy standing in the kitchen. He's tempted to follow after her, but Evan sweeps in holding Theo.

"Would you mind helping him with his pajamas while I get everyone else out of here?"

Theo whines softly as he's transferred from Evan's arms to his, and tucks his face against Tommy's neck. He can hear the quiet goodbyes being exchanged down the hall as he helps Theo through his bedtime routine; the casual "good night, see you laters" exchanged by him and the Diazes and Wilsons, Jee and Nash's giggles before Chimney takes them to the car, then a quiet exchange with Maddie that shifts to tense whispers.

Tommy is tucking an already half asleep Theo into his bed when Evan rejoins them. He lingers in the doorway for a moment, long enough to watch Evan brush Theo's hair back and kiss his forehead before he retreats to the living room and settles on the couch, the tension that had had kept his muscles tense the majority of the evening finally relaxing. He hears Evan go down the hall and move around in the kitchen, the quiet snick of the front door lock, then Evan walks into living room with two beers dangling between his fingers and offers him one before sitting down.

"Is it just me, or was the the most exhausting party ever?" Tommy chuckles.

"It was something. You did an incredible job, Evan. I know Theo had the time of his life."

"Thanks." They're quiet for a moment. "Tommy, I– I want to to thank you for everything. For how you've shown up for him, no matter what, no matter when. I can never tell you how much it means to both of us."

Evan's looks at him with earnest eyes and Tommy smiles, reaching out to squeeze the hand he has laying on his knee.

"There's nothing that could keep me away. Not from Theo...or from you."

The first kiss is barely there, the softest brush of lips. The next was deeper, firmer. Tommy's hand moves to cup Evan's face and he sighs against his lips, letting his fingers thread into Tommy's hair. They get lost in each other, and it's been a long time since Tommy has just kissed someone like this. One of Evan's hands tightens in his shirt, the other reaches behind himself, knocking a small collection of stuffed animals to the floor so he can lay back, drawing Tommy down with him, whispering his name against his lips like a prayer.

"Buck!"

Theo's voice echoes down the hallway, finally pulling them apart. Evan lays his forehead against Tommy's cheek, the warm huff of his laugher ghosting across his neck.

"I'll be right back," He murmurs, leaning in for one last kiss before gently pushing Tommy away to get up.

Tommy has to fight the urge to pinch himself. He feels like he's living a rom-com romance fantasy, reconciling with the love of his life, helping him care for a child he adores. He knows that he and Evan have a lot to talk about, but for the momemt, he allows himself to marvel at at how the universe has smiled on him.

He waits a while, but Evan doesn't return. Tommy rises and pads down the hall to make sure that everything is okay. He leans against the doorframe and smiles at the sight before him. Evan has fallen asleep laying next to Theo, his cheek pressed against the boys head where he's snuggled up against his chest. Tommy eases into the room and turns off the lamp, leaving the room in the soft glow of the nightlight in the corner.

Back in the living room, Tommy finds himself at a loss for what to do next. The logical thing would be to leave Evan a note and go home, call him first thing in the morning and figure out where they stand. But to leave agter kissing him like that feels wrong. He can almost picture the flash of devastated disappointment that will come across Evan's face when he wakes up to Tommy gone, knows the thoughts that will run through his mind, always the worst case scenario first. To hell with it, he and Evan have never been logical anyway.

Evan's smile when he walks into the kitchen and finds Tommy waiting for the coffee to finish brewing is almost blinding.

"You stayed." Tommy's answering smile is just as bright.

Maddie wants to throw her wine glass in his face, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I spent five years in the army under DADT, then another five under Gerrard’s tender mercy. OG Gerrard, not the doddering grandpa you met. And you think you’re capable of hurting my feelings.” He takes a deliberate sip of wine, “Like I said. Adorable.”

Buck was led to the bar, by firm hands, and deposited on a barstool. ”Hints are a foreign concept to these guys, you gotta be rude about it,” his rescuer said. ”What were you having?”

Buck turned and looked, but his abandoned glass wasn't visible. The guys didn't seem too torn up about him leaving. ”Uh, beer?”

”I'll get you another one,” he said and patted Buck on the back.

”I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened, I– ” He got a good look at the guy who just manhandled him. He didn't look dissimilar to the others. Big guy, a little older, broad in every sense of the term.

”Don't worry about it. Once they smell blood in the water, you're out of luck,” he smiled. ”I'm Tommy.”

”I'm– ” Oh, dear god, he couldn't introduce himself as Buck at a gay bar. ”I'm Evan.”

”Hi, Evan. First time here?”

Buck laughed a little and looked around, before sitting properly at the bar. ”First time,” he nodded.

”New to the lifestyle?” Tommy asked, and pushed a glass into his hands. ”You have that look about you.”

He had to bite his tongue, before his mouth had the chance to ask if he looked gay. ”What– What lifestyle is that?”

Tommy's eyes were twinkling. ”You're in a leather bar, kid.” He pointedly gave Buck an up and down look.

Maybe the lightwash jeans had been a bad choice. He squirmed a little. ”I didn't know.”

”Bring a friend next time. I might not be here to save you from the daddies.”

Instead of turning around, Buck looked at the mirror behind the bar. Daddies. The men looked nice enough, but it was a lot, all at once. Flattering, though.

”You're not a daddy?”

Tommy laughed. ”You got me there.”

”Sounds like I'm not safe with you either,” he grinned.

”I guess that depends – do you want to be?”

Buck gulped half of his beer, before even attempting to answer that.

Tommy interpreted his hesitation as something else. ”They're alright. They wouldn't have hurt you. Most of them have partners at home, they just enjoy the chase.”

Buck licked his lips. ”And you?”

Tommy's glass halted halfway to his mouth. ”Me, what?”

”Why are you here?”

”Beats drinking at home,” he smiled, but it fell short of his eyes.

He didn't know what it was, but something about Tommy made him want to be honest. ”I didn't– I didn't know this was a gay bar,” Buck said. ”I was walking by and it looked nice enough. I didn't come here on purpose.”

Tommy looked at him for a beat. His eyes specifically, which was tough to endure. Tommy's smile went a little tighter.

Buck was desperate to return to the ease of just a moment ago. ”Do– Do you have a partner at home?”

The smile went a little softer. ”If I did, I wouldn't be here.”

”Right.” Buck ducked his head. ”That makes sense.”

”Do you?”

”No,” he sighed – a bit too deep, judging by the height of Tommy's eyebrows. ”My friends keep telling me I need to figure out how to be alone,” he explained. ”Which is stupid, because I've been alone my whole life. I know how to do it.”

Tommy's eyeline shifted from Buck's face, to a distant point behind him. ”Nothing wrong with wanting to have someone.”

It was a bit too maudlin to share with a stranger, but Buck found himself saying, ”I want someone to choose me, you know? And keep choosing me.”

”I do,” Tommy said softly.

”I don't think that's a crazy thing to ask – or to want.”

”It's not.”

Buck moved his glass around on the bar top. He didn't really feel like drinking anymore. ”Is the gay dating scene better than the straight one?”

”God, no,” Tommy grimaced. ”No.”

”So jumping ship would be a bad idea?”

”Well,” Tommy thought on it, then shook his head. ”No, I can't in good conscience recommend dating men.”

Buck laughed. ”Maybe it'd be easier. It's not like I haven't thought about it.”

”…About dating men?”

Buck shrugged. Why wouldn't he have thought about that? ”Being the same gender is a big thing to have in common.”

Tommy looked bewildered. ”I thought you said you were straight?”

”I didn't say it, I implied it.”

”Are you?”

Buck looked at him for a second. His face, then his shoulders, his arms, his hands. Tommy shifted and Buck's eyes fell to his thighs. ”If the answer was yes, I probably shouldn't have hesitated, right?”

”My eyes are up here.”

Buck's eyes snapped up. ”I was looking at your thighs, I promise.”

Tommy giggled. ”That's the gayest fucking thing you could've said.”

Buck's face was burning hot, but he was making Tommy laugh, so it wasn't all bad. ”How are thighs a gay thing?”

Tommy shook his head. ”You are surprisingly comfortable flirting with men.”

Buck looked at the table of daddies. ”I think it's just you.”

It was Tommy's turn to blush. ”Evan, are you leading me on?”

”Leading on implies a lack of follow through.” He bit his lip. It was a nervous thing, but Tommy didn't seem to see it that way.

Tommy put his head in his hand. ”Evan. I can't bring a straight boy home. I'm too old for that.”

An hour ago, he hadn't considered having sex with a man. An hour ago, he hadn't met Tommy.

”We could go to my place?”

Tommy looked at him through his fingers. He closed his eyes for a moment and faced straight ahead. Buck wasn't sure what he was doing, but he didn't want to interrupt. He jumped a little when Tommy's hand clamped down on his thigh.

Tommy leaned into his space and asked, ”And do what?”

Buck went a little breathless. The hand was already high up, but he wanted it higher. ”You're the daddy,” he said. ”Means you're in charge, right?” Tommy's fingers dug into his inner thigh.

”I need you to tell me what you're doing.”

There was barely space between them, but Buck leaned in closer. ”You made me curious.” One of Tommy's eyebrows went up. ”Besides,” he told Tommy's mouth. ”It's not like I haven't been pegged before.”

”Willingly?”

”I asked for it. Begged for it, actually. There was this article I read and I couldn't get it out of my head.”

”And?”

”I liked it more than she did.”

Tommy shook his head. ”Enjoying anal and being into men are two separate things.”

”I'm not talking about men, I'm talking about you.” The hand on his thigh was starting to feel like a tourniquet. There was a small furrow between Tommy's eyebrows. Buck couldn't tell why it was there.

”It's mean to lead an old man on.”

Buck put his hand on top of Tommy's. ”You can't be that much older than me.”

”Don't do this to me.”

”What am I doing to you?” Tommy huffed. ”What am I doing to you, Tommy?” Buck asked again, but lower. Buck wasn't insistent. If someone needed him to convince them, they clearly weren't feeling it – but Tommy's hesitation felt different. ”Come home with me.”

”Evan–”

”I don't know what I'm doing, but I'll try so hard, I promise.”

When Tommy leaned in, Buck knew he was trying to scare him, to call his bluff, but Tommy wasn't the aggressor here. Buck met him more than halfway. Tommy's surprised little mm! was almost drowned out by wolf whistles.

Someone yelled, ”Get it, Kinard!” and Tommy pulled back abruptly. He glared at the guy, but he was flushed all the way down his neck.

”Shut your mouth, Dennis!”

They’d talked more when they’d decided on the second try. Evan had explained his deep-seeded abandonment issues, and Tommy had opened up more about his past and his hopes for the future, and while there had been shame and embarrassment on Tommy’s behalf, Evan had been upfront and shame-free about himself, particularly his past history regarding his (admittedly self-diagnosed) sex-addiction.

So Tommy hadn’t expected Evan to blush over the potential discovery of a new kink.

“Is that something you’d maybe like to try?” Tommy encouraged, because if there was something that Evan might’ve been interested in, Tommy wanted Evan to feel comfortable to try it with him.

And honestly, Tommy wasn’t exactly disinterested in the idea.

“P-pissing on you?” Evan whispered.

Tommy shrugged. “I kinda like the idea of you marking me up, letting others know that I’m yours. Feels right every time you come on me. Why should pissing on me be any different?”

“It’s far less sanitary. And ejaculating is at least attached to sex. Peeing is getting rid of waste. It-it’s different to sex. Shouldn’t be sexy.”

“And yet you’re probably logged more hours this month in eating my ass than I’ve flown, which is unsanitary, and at least one of us likes tits, which, you know, are meant to feed babies, not be a sex organ.”

Evan paused, then: “You like my tits, so both of us do.”

“You got me there.”

“Are you, like, trying to talk me into it? Is this something you’ve been interested in but haven’t mentioned before?”

“I’ve watched porn where it’s featured and didn’t turn me off, but I haven’t actively searched for it. My interest is in doing something that works for you, sweetheart. If we try it and either of us doesn’t like it, we know we don’t do it again. But if we do like it…”

“Okay. Okay.” Another pause. “When?”

“We can try tonight, while you’re still amped up over some other guy flirting with me.”

“I think it’s worn off in the shock.”

“I can go find him again…”

“Don’t you dare. Let’s go.”

-

Getting pushed around by Evan would go down as one of the hottest things to ever happen to Tommy. When he’d finally decided to be himself and started dating with men, they’d all wanted – expected – him to top due to his size. He was always the big spoon, always taking the lead, always holding the other guy up or pinning him down. It had been boring, predictable.

Evan was a big, strong guy who was happy to manhandle Tommy as often as he was gentle with him. He was thick and beefy and knew his own strength so well, never pushing Tommy too far. He was eager and responsive and so fucking horny for Tommy that the sex was never boring – that was, perhaps, why they didn’t talk enough the first time around.

And Tommy, fuck, he couldn’t think of why talking was so essential as Evan guided him through Tommy’s own house with not-so-gentle nudge and bites, pressing him hard into whichever surface like he wanted Tommy to bruise, like he wanted him to be marked up and Tommy was eager to take it all, his hands gripping Evan’s head to pull him in closer, encouraging him to leave the skin of his shoulder with a perfect mold of his teeth the moment Tommy’s shirt was gone. Tommy wanted Evan to bruise him. He wanted scratches and hickeys and bite marks. He wanted Evan to be territorial.

He…he really fucking wanted Evan to piss on him.

The moan he let out when Evan shoved him into the bathroom was obscene, amplified by the acoustics of the tiles and porcelain.

The whimper he let out when Evan told him to strip and get into the shower was probably pathetic. Tommy couldn’t care less; just followed Evan’s order.

“Are you sure?” Evan asked.

“If you are.”

Tommy heard him swallow, his throat clicked dryly as he nodded his head. Decision made, Tommy leant in for a quick, reassuring kiss before he lowered himself to his knees.

“God, oh fuck,” Evan whined as they struggled with his belt buckle, two pairs of hands hindering more than helping.

And when Evan’s jeans were finally undone and they pulled his half-hard dick through the fly of his underwear, Tommy couldn’t help it, he had to get his mouth on Evan. He took the exposed head into his mouth, gave it a suckle.

Thick fingers grabbed him by his hair and forced him back. “Fuck, no. I can’t piss when I’m too hard.”

And, sure, Tommy struggled with his morning piss if he had morning wood, so he completely got it, but he wanted that dick so bad.

“Don’t look at me like that. You’ll make it harder. Literally and figuratively.”

Tommy sighed – stopped short of pouting, really – and rocked back on his heels.

“Come on, then. Mark your territory.”

He spread his arms as wide as the shower stall would allow, and waited.

It took long enough that Tommy got a little concerned that Evan was having second doubts, then a hot splash hit him on his sternum, right between his pecs, drenching his chest hair. The next splash was a little higher – his collarbone – then a stream doused his chest.

Tommy ducked his face into it, just the briefest of seconds with his mouth and eyes closed, then ducked lower so it cascaded down his back, letting Evan’s hot piss cover him.

It was then that Tommy knew there would never be anyone else for him. He couldn’t imagine allowing any other man urinate on him because of a wild possessive streak. He couldn’t imagine that any other man using him like a fucking fire hydrant would arouse him so much.

“On my dick,” Tommy pleaded before he even really knew that he wanted that. “Piss on my dick.”

Evan let out a groan and redirected and Tommy couldn’t help but grab his piss-wet cock to jerk off. Fuck, he was so hard.

He was so in love.

Was it as permanent or obvious as a ring? No, but he wasn’t ready for a ring. Someday, in the future, but for that night? He’d take his boyfriend’s piss as him claiming his territory and it was so good, it was fucking perfect.

“I should’ve had another beer,” Evan groaned as his stream turned into a trickle. “Why is this so hot, oh my God.”

Fuck, Evan had pissed on him like he would piss at a urinal: pants up, dick out through the fly.

He shook out the last drops – Tommy would swear they landed in his hair – before he bent at the waist, grabbed Tommy’s face, and kissed him, not at all caring for the piss he’d spilled over Tommy’s lips and chin.

Tommy was dragged up to his feet by that grip, turned, and shoved chest-first against the cold tile of the shower wall. Evan placed one hand in between Tommy’s shoulder blades and leant over to the shower caddy to pump out some lube – fuck, it was so cold after the steaming drenching of piss he’d just willingly taken.

Two firm fingers rubbed at his rim, then pushed in-in-in, stretching and fucking him fast and dirty. Evan pulled away for another pump of slick, then that beautiful cock was at Tommy’s hole, bullying its way in deeper and deeper until Tommy could feel the teeth of Evan’s zip biting into his cheeks.

Christ, there was something about Evan still being dressed that made it all that much hotter. All Tommy wore was Evan’s piss – fuck, maybe he did want that ring.

That thought was quickly fucked out of Tommy’s brain. Evan had an amazing cock and he knew how to use it, snapping his hips against Tommy roughly and setting a brutal pace that left Tommy gasping for air as he wound his arms around him, holding him against his chest, pulling him away from the tiles.

Evan licked up Tommy’s neck and groaned. “You taste like piss.”

“Your…your piss,” Tommy reminded him, which earnt him a harder fucking, a bitten shoulder. “All yours.”

“Mine,” Evan either agreed or claimed; Tommy didn’t know and couldn’t care because Evan was the only thing the mattered. “Next…” Evan choked on a groan, wildly rabbiting into Tommy’s hole with quick, sharp thrusts. “Next time, I want you to piss on me.”

Tommy grabbed at his dick, stroking himself to Evan’s vigorous pace. “Yes. Fuck yes.”

They were both desperate for it, Tommy arching back into Evan’s thrusts, their moans loud in their bathroom. There was nothing fancy about it; just two big men fucking rough and quick and hard, turned on by piss and marked territory.

“Make sure you drink so much before it, Tommy,” Evan continued. “Want to you cover me in your piss.”

“I will. I will.”

He’d give him all his piss if that was what Evan wanted. He’d hold all of it in for a day, drinking litres and litres in the lead up to make sure Evan was absolutely fucking drenched in it. He’d claim him, leave his mark with his piss before they would go shopping for a ring.

But until then, it was Tommy who was coated with Evan, from his piss to his touch.

“Fuck, fuck.”

Evan started to thrust harder, then he pulled out. He pushed Tommy’s cheeks together and rutted between them until he spilled up Tommy’s spine, two long, hot ropes, before he pushed back into Tommy’s hole to keep fucking him through the rest of his orgasm.

He was so good to Tommy to come on him and inside of him, making sure his claim was thorough and intimate with his piss and come. He was so good to Tommy to fuck him deep and hard and fast even after he’d climaxed until Tommy peaked with a cry, shooting all over the tiles.

The come-down was completely different to the fuck. It was slow and syrupy, soft kisses exchanged over Tommy’s shoulder while Evan rubbed his come into Tommy’s back. When he was done, Tommy turned and helped Evan undress, holding him close and craving the intimacy of being naked together.

Until Evan got him all riled up again.

“I had no idea I’d be so into pissing on someone.”

The thought made Tommy so fucking jealous. He turned them, pushing Evan into the tiles he’d just come on. “Me,” he growled. “Not someone. Me.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. Only you,” Evan agreed immediately.

Tommy reached down between them to palm Evan’s softening cock. “This and everything that comes out of it is mine.” He used his other hand to tip Evan’s head back so he could suck a possessive bruise into the skin of his neck, leaving a mark of his own.

“Oh my God, Tommy, yes.” His arms wrapped around Tommy, keeping him close, wanting that hickey. “My dick, my piss, my come; it’s all for you. It’s all yours. I’m all yours.”