Scott Gimple, Angela Kang, & Tim Minear Will Never See Heaven

“Yeah, I had him fooled pretty well,” Tommy said.

“No you didn’t. I was being a wing man for Buck,” Chris said from his spot in front of the PlayStation. Theo was tucked into his side, having reached the “passed out from excitement” stage of the evening. 

“Really? Great work, buddy,” Evan said in response to this blatant bit of revisionist history, “Still. He was good with Jee too, at the wedding. It’s because you’re not afraid of them. Kids, I mean. They can smell fear, and you’re just…chill. Like a human capybara.”

Buck fumbled and nearly dropped his padlock. There was no point in trying to deny it, he knew that back, knew that pattern of moles and scar tissue, he’d mapped them out dozens of times with his lips and tongue.

“Tommy,” Buck said. 

If someone had asked Evan Buckley if he was over Tommy Kinard he would have answered with a confident “yes”. Then, after a minute of reflection, he would clarify that part of him would always carry a bit of a torch for Tommy Kinard, but enough time had passed. Twice as long as they’d been together in total. Yes, he still had text message threads and photos saved on his phone he couldn’t bring himself to delete. Yes, he might have tugged it drunkenly to some of the spicier ones as recently as last month. Yes, he still had Tommy saved in his favorites contact list. But they hadn’t seen each other in person in over a year. (At least as far as Buck knew. He worked a few scenes where air support was called in and he found himself staring at the helicopters, wondering if Tommy was piloting. Wondered if maybe Tommy saw the engine number and was looking back for Buck.

Their last contact had been the previous October. 

I got a new place. Do you want to see it?

Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean that how it sounded.

I just wanted to see you.

And I think the house is haunted. Could use someone who isn’t afraid of ghosts or curses.

Tommy bubbled him for what felt like an eternity, for so long Buck thought he wouldn’t reply.

Not a good idea.

Buck barely had time to be disappointed when Tommy delivered the killing blow.

Evan, I’ll always be here if you need me for something like the lab. But I think it’s a good idea if we keep our distance otherwise. 

Well. That was that, wasn’t it?

Tommy froze when Buck said his name, half bent inside his locker. His eyes were wide and scared when he turned around. Buck’s own eyes automatically started to do the elevator sweep down his body before he forced himself to focus only on the other man’s face.

“You cut your hair,” Buck said stupidly. He hadn’t noticed from behind. Buck hated it; the curls shorn away made Tommy’s face seem harsher, older. Almost careworn. His cheekbones were sharper, more defined, and the hollows of his eyes darker.

“Evan,” Tommy said, “What are you doing here?”

Buck started to stammer out something, he had no idea what. Maybe about how he had just joined this gym, and yeah he’d known it wasn’t far from Tommy’s place but it never entered his mind for a second they’d actually run into each other. Tommy had a gym, had two gym, actually—a place where he did Muy Thai and a place he liked to go when he felt like being openly queer. Maybe Buck would have said that the universe really liked messing with him. But before he could get the first word out he registered something. 

Buck had been fighting with every ounce of willpower to keep his eyes above Tommy’s collar bones, but he couldn’t help himself. His eyes slid down for only a second, long enough to register something that wasn’t all that far beneath Tommy’s collarbones to begin with. A raised, almost perfect circle just beneath his skin, and another thin line of raised skin leading up to his neck. 

Buck gave up any pretense of not looking. 

Long before tragedy tossed Theo Riley and his sick grandmother into Buck’s life, he’d gone on a deep dive into various cancer treatments. Right after Maddie told him about Daniel he spent hours researching juvenile leukemia, how treatment worked, how painful, how long, what chemical concoctions were used. 

Maddie has been struggling to hold back her tears since she sat down at Buck’s island. A few manage to escape at those words, but she’s able to ask, “What changed your mind?”

Buck laughs again, “You know, when we decided that yes, we definitely wanted to be together, and we were going to work on it, we came up with a…a Five Year Plan. Mostly for…for financial and career stuff. Where would be the best place for Theo to go to school. When we should get married, because we knew that’s where we wanted to get to, eventually. We were thinking of doing it in February. But Tommy didn’t want to wait, and neither did I, really. So he asked me to do it now, and I said yes.”

Maddie must make a face, and it’s her bad luck that Buck finally decides to look at her. Whatever he sees makes him burst out laughing, “Holy shit, Maddie. Maybe you should just go home.”

Maddie opens her mouth, bewildered, “I…what…”

“Say it,” Buck snaps, “Or leave.”

“Say what?” Maddie sputters, “I—”

“Say exactly whatever condescending, bless your heart, silly little Buckaroo, big sis wisdom you’re dying to share.”

Maddie’s mouth moves before she can stop herself, “You can’t just…clipboard your way into a relationship, Evan.”

“Right,” Buck says with a razor wire smile, “First I’m too impulsive and don’t think anything through. But trying to plan and make something deliberately is the wrong thing, too. Tell me, Maddie. Tell me exactly what and how I should have done this.”

“I don’t think you should have done it at all,” Maddie bursts out.

“But it’s not just me,” Buck said, “If it was just me then…well, we’d probably be in bed right now, actually.” He tried for a smirk, but he couldn’t hold it.

“That was kind of our problem, wasn’t it?” Tommy said ruefully, “Easy to not talk.”

“I wouldn’t call it a problem,” Buck said. The flirtatious smirk came a little easier, but he still couldn’t maintain it for long. “I want to do this. So much, you don’t have any idea.”

“I think I have some idea,” Tommy said, voice gone back to impossibly soft.

“Maybe,” Buck conceded. He took a deep breath—this was it, “But if we do, then I have some conditions. First one is: Me and Theo are a package deal now. I gotta put him first, before me, before you. I gotta do what’s best for him.”

Some of the tension went out of Tommy’s shoulders, and Buck thought he saw something that looked like hope, “Expected and accepted. What else?”

“Related to that,” Buck said, and wiped his sweaty palms on his slacks, “If you’re in our lives now, then you cannot unilaterally decide how the relationship is going to go and bolt. Not without talking to me first, really talking to me, and listening.”

“That was the second and third stupidest things I’ve ever done,” Tommy said, “It won’t happen again.”

“Well, to ensure that—Theo and I see a family therapist,” Buck said, “She does couples’ counseling too. I want us to do that. You and me, we have trouble talking to each other. And, uh, there’s the practical side of things.”

Buck opened his folder and took out the packet of relevant documents. It wasn’t until he passed it to Tommy and got some eyebrows in return that he realized how insane this was. Asking someone to fill out paperwork before officially dating you. There was no walking it back, however, “All adults who will be spending significant time with the child need to submit to fingerprinting and a background check—”

“Easy enough,” Tommy said, flipping through the paperwork, “I already had to go through that for the LAFD.”

“You have to do a home study too,” Buck added, “If, uh, if you want me and Theo to stay over with you.”

“Very much,” Tommy said, voice going soft again. He flipped through the pages briefly then sat them down on the table. “Is that it? In terms of conditions.”

“Yes,” Buck said, fidgeting with his folder, “You can have conditions too.”

Tommy shook his head once, “I don’t.”

“I want you to have conditions,” Buck insisted, “I’m sure if you think for a minute you can come up with some.” 

Tommy just looked at him, soft and so fond, giving that smile of his that was close-mouthed and mostly in his eyes, “I really don’t have any, Evan.”

“Well, then I’ll make you some promises. I won’t take you for granted, this time around. I’m going to get to know you, not the cool pilot, whether you like it or not. Even all those ugly bits you’re afraid to let me see.”

Tommy looked hesitant for the first time since Buck started talking, “Some of those are pretty ugly.”

“And I promise to not let you distract me with that whole self-deprecating routine,” Buck said. He took in another deep breath, “Actually, I have one more condition. It’s kind of a promise, too. If, if…if you’re ever going through something, you’re not going to hide it from me. Especially not out of some…fucked up belief that it’s for my own good. You have to let me take care of you, do you understand me? You’ve shown up for me since we met, you have to give me the chance to show up for you.”

“I want to make you say it, actually,” Tommy says pleasantly. Even though he’s responding to Hen he keeps looking at Maddie. They may as well be the only two people in the room.

“We’re worried about Buck,” Hen says, the voice of reason, “I know it’s hard, but don’t take this personally.”

[MORE BUILD UP]

Tommy selects another cracker, “I’m here because he’s pissed off and doesn’t want to see you before he’s calmed down enough not to say something he’ll regret." 

“Whoah, hey,” Howie says, leaping to Maddie's defense automatically, “What has he got to be so mad about? Maddie’s been here for him every step of the way, and he’s now he's not going to talk to her—”

“Oh, I see, you think this has nothing to do with you,” Tommy interrupts.

“Don’t quote fucking Mean Girls at me—” Howie says.

“Devil Wears Prada,” Tommy corrects, “Anyway, he’s pissed at all of you. Well, Diaz is on probation for giving him the heads up about this little meeting. He’s still on thin fucking ice, but they’re doing their bro thing right now.”

“I’m surprised that doesn’t bother you,” Maddie says, “That Buck’s spending time with the ‘competition’.”

[HENREN AND CHIMNEY SEEM CONFUSED]

Tommy blinks at her, before he smiles a big, nose scrunchy smile, “You’re adorable.”

Maddie wants to throw her wine glass in his face, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I spent five years in the army under DADT, then another five under Gerrard’s tender mercy. OG Gerrard, not the doddering grandpa you met. And you think you’re capable of hurting my feelings.” He takes a deliberate sip of wine, “Like I said. Adorable.”

He is such a fucking cunt, Maddie thinks as she tightens her grip on her glass. She remembers back when they were first dating, Buck telling her Tommy was like, so mean. He was laughing as he said it, completely enamored.

Karen, bless her, “Hey, why don’t we take a deep breath? Tommy, this isn’t personal. Everyone’s just worried about Buck. He’s been through a lot lately, and making a change this fast—”

“Do you really want to go there, Karen?” Tommy cuts her off, “Remind me of how long you were with Hen before she threw the whole ‘I’m adopting my ex’s baby’ thing at you.”

“You’re out of line,” Hen says, her calm persona gone. 

Maddie wants to throw her wine glass in his face, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I spent five years in the army under DADT, then another five under Gerrard’s tender mercy. OG Gerrard, not the doddering grandpa you met. And you think you’re capable of hurting my feelings.” He takes a deliberate sip of wine, “Like I said. Adorable.”