Heck Yeah Arcadia!

Tiktok sensation LightLark is the final boss of bad fantasy YA— a failure built on aesthetic boards and tropes, unable to pretend it has a heart

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A full summary with spoilers, analysis, quotes- and so much more on the subject of a book you should never read. This is a long piece. Like ‘Youtube Video Essay’ long.

Lightlark is joyless, a husk beyond parody, a checklist of every Island of Blood and Bone and Glass and Hearts that has come out in the last five years, built and sold on tropes and aesthetic boards. This is a book written by an author who is not a writer. It would fit in on the dregs of an amateur writing site with eerie perfection.

I've been so chuffed by the amount of attention this nightmare if a soulless YA book has gotten. No, it's not AI, and yes, the author is 27. And mega, mega rich. The movie deal isn't abnormal but her bragging is.

But the review is 23,000 words, an estimated minimum of two hours of reading... which is why I'm happy to announce

there's a video version!

This is just a straight adaption of the text review while I talk to camera- great to put in another tab to listen to (an audio only version will be up on podcast places soon)

Highlights of the insanity and poor writing within:

It feels funky to try this, but I really need the help. We’ve lived in this flat like three years now and it really needs a professional clean- the kitchen and the shower (there’s like two different mold types!)

I’m physically and mentally ill and the intense work of the project is out of reach. My flatmate is also not exactly healthy either. I am disabled and not fit to work, so I live off gov benefits which only just cover rent/expenses. saving for this is difficult.

Punk!Toby inspired by one of @theeio 's artworks

Made a bit of my own version of Toby's armor, procrastinated a lot, made some mistakes and had to fix a lot of things so it took me 2 years to finish everything 😂

Introducing the Trollish cat breed, the Woljek. These fancy felines have been bred by trolls over the past few thousand years to be huge, incredibly fluffy, and very docile. Their luxurious wool-like fur is prized for its use in crafting as well as culinarily (a bit of Woljek dander makes a popular garnish for many Trollish dishes).

…basically, they are cat-sheep.

Kelda is among the most well-known Woljek herders (that’s right, my trollsona literally herds cats lol. and also finally has a name). Unlike most other herders, however, Kelda sells ONLY fur–never meat (she is an obnoxious anti-cat-meat advocate). All her livestock wear enchanted anti-predator bells that prevent other trolls from trying to take a bite.

When any of her Woljeks die of natural causes, however (which happens frequently enough given how insanely much longer troll lifespans are), she does harvest their pelts. She still can’t bring herself to eat the meat on principle, but she views putting the pelt to good use to be a valid tribute to its Woljek. 

Woljek pelts were traditionally used to make warm winter clothes, but they went out of style for a pretty long time while Trollmarket was located in Arcadia, since the weather never got particularly cold there. With the move to New Jersey, however, they might start becoming more popular again.

trollhunters season 3 my beloved