minor / female / bisexual / procrastination/ warrior cats

shoutout to the 20 different people who sent this to me when i realised i was a trans guy

Evil bingus. SCRINGUS

imagine being named April or January or whatever & being confused bc that’s not when your birthday is and your parents say “oh we just liked the name it has nothing to do with your birth” but then you realize you were born 9 months after the month u are named for

I was born nine months after valentine’s and my sister nine months after halloween

Just overheard two teenaged boys at the front door of their friend’s house. One was on the phone and gently said, “Oh, did you just wake up?” And the other one yelled “OPEN UP, FUCKNUGGET!” while slamming his hand on the door. I gotta say I love the friendship dynamic

I can’t believe I forgot to mention that the guy who lived there answered the door while wrapped up in his blanket, and it was way past noon at the time, which really sold the entire interaction as a whole

I’m too lazy for dating. Why can’t someone materialize out of nowhere and agree that we should spend the rest of our lives together

Can pigeons be weaponized

anything can be a weapon if you try hard enough

i was scrolling tumblr mindessly beside my mom and i pass like, an aesthetic pic of a pair of tits (with a necklace. but mostly tits) and my mom is like "hold on. what was that." and i show her and shes like "oh! that's cool. tits........ you like those!" and like i just wanted to tell everyone... i love straight people. i think we should keep them around after the revolution, for entertainment

The year is 2022. You’re driving home from work, wifey calls & asks you to get some diapers for the baby. You grab roses for her. Life’s good. She’s crying in the closet you forgot the diapers what’s she gonna do with roses idiot there’s shit everywhere this is why your parents never loved y

The year is 1351. You’re driving your ship home from work, wifey calls and sends you to the local store to get some rags as diapers for the baby. You grab a bouquet of flowers for her too. Life’s good. You both die from the plague

The year is 2020. You’re driving home in your tractor after voting for Trump, the man of your people. Your sister calls and asks you to get some diapers for the baby you bought from the Walmart parking lot last week. You steal roses for her on your way out. Life’s good

The year is 2068. You’re staring at the most beautiful stranger. She explains to you that she’s your wife. You have dimentia. You smile and take her hand as your grandchildren jump around the room. You’ve lived a good life. Suddenly you’re staring at the most beautiful stranger

Anyway I’m back on my bullshit

The year is 2019. Your fiancé just got you roses in your big house with 3 cars and 5 dogs. You did all this to tweet it with “We’re only 19, what are you doing with your life?” You got 5 retweets. He’s been buying roses instead of food for weeks. You can’t cook. You haven’t eaten in 3 days

y'all really are weirdly confrontational on here for like no reason tho like its hilarious cause none of y'all would say that shit to anyone irl like lmaooo

Big words coming from a kpop profile pic.

You think i cant beat your ass cause i like kpop? Ok anime blog

POLYAM POSITIVITY HELL YEAH

Wait are we allowed to use cheating memes to make polyam positivity posts now because if so I’m down to go off

YOU ARE MORE THAN REQUIRED TO

: D

POLYAM POSITIVITY MEMES ARE MY NEW LIFE SOURCE!

That last one jdjdjdhd

Go Jim. Sheets are expensive to replace-especially for big beds

Why couldn’t I be born a smol leetle animol

I wanna be a smol liddle animol