i am Bees now

- it’s fun to be awake & in an upright position

- consciousness is a gift

1977: Star Wars is released, featuring, of course, Darth Vader

(Pictured: Darth Vader)

1984: Director Todd Durham releases his Star Wars parody movie, Hyperspace, featuring Darth Vader inspired villain Lord Buckethead.

(Pictured: Hyperspace poster featuring two Jawa-esque aliens flying through space in a shopping trolley.)

1987: Hyperspace is released on video in the UK, under the new title Gremloids.

(Pictured: Gremloids cover in the style of the original Star Wars poster, featuring Lord Buckethead.)

To promote the film, Mike Lee, the owner of the distributing company, ran for parliament as Lord Buckethead. He ran in Margaret Thatcher's constituency, Finchley, in order to get on TV. Lord Buckethead was representing the Gremloids party.

(Pictured: Lord Buckethead on TV with Margaret Thatcher.)

1992: Gremloids is re-released. Lord Buckethead rides again, this time against prime minister John Major in Huntingdon. (Here's a fun fact about Huntingdon: I was born there! :D) 87/92 Buckethead seems to have leaned pretty hard into the space supervillain thing, with campaign promises including 'demolish Birmingham to build a spaceport'.

(Pictured: Lord Buckethead on TV with John Major. Other notable candidates include Screaming Lord Sutch of the Monster Raving Loony Party.)

2017: comedian Jon Harvey, having recently watched Gremloids and learned of Lord Buckethead's candidacy for parliament, decides it's a great bit. He runs against Theresa May in Maidenhead. 2017 Buckethead seems to have a wackier and also more political approach, with campaign promises ranging from nonsense like 'nationalise Adele' to gesturing at actually sensible policies with stuff like 'lower the voting age to 16 and restrict voting after age 80'.

He also made an appearance on Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. As with his previous incarnation, he was a member of the Gremloids party.

(Pictured: Lord Buckethead dabbing on stage with Theresa May.)

2018: Director Todd Durham asserts his legal ownership of Lord Buckethead. Jon Harvey opted not to go to court over Buckethead and handed over the reins. Todd Durham extended an invitation to anyone who wanted to be the 'authorised' Lord Buckethead.

(Pictured: the new Lord Buckethead.)

2019: Lord Buckethead, now played by journalist David Hughes, stood against Boris Johnson in Uxbridge and South Ruislip. He ran for the Monster Raving Loony Party, the UK's pre-existing gag candidate party. He ran with a similarly silly manifesto as the 2017 incarnation, but with a bit less of a political edge. His promises included 'All doorways to be increased by 1 foot (30 cm) in height' and 'Nigel Farage to be sold for parts'.

(Pictured: Lord Buckethead and Count Binface square up.)

Meanwhile, Jon Harvey in his new persona Count Binface, also ran against Boris Johnson. Buckethead and Binface face off! Binface ran as an independent with a manifesto once again blending silly and semi-serious promises such as 'nationalising model railways' and 'giving £1 trillion a week to the NHS'. This was also I believe the debut of his promise to 'move the hand dryer in the men's toilet at Uxbridge's Crown and Treaty pub to a more sensible position'.

(Pictured: Count Binface presenting the offending hand dryer, inconveniently close to both the sink and the urinals.)

He has a point.

2021: Count Binface runs for the position of Mayor of London for the first time, with promises such as 'London to join the European Union'. He notably finished ahead of far right party UKIP.

2023: Count Binface runs in the Uxbridge and South Ruislip by-election following Boris Johnson's resignation. He once again gets more votes than UKIP.

May 2024: Count Binface once again runs to be Mayor of London, debuting his now iconic 'build at least one affordable house' promise. Notably, he finished ahead of far right party Britain First.

(Pictured: Count Binface with Rishi Sunak. Also pictured: Monster Raving Loony Party candidate Sir Archibald Stanton with a ventriloquist's dummy.)

July 2024: Count Binface stands in the general election, running in Richmond and Northallerton against prime minister Rishi Sunak. He debuts his promise to cap the price of 99p flakes at 99p. This is his most successful election to date with 308 votes.

(Pictured: Count Binface with Andy Burnham. Also pictured: independent candidate Robert Pownell, dressed as a fox for his own reasons.)

June 2026: Count Binface stands in the Makerfield by-election against Andy Burnham, (recently) former Mayor of Manchester running for parliament with the intention of standing in the Labour Party leadership contest.

(Pictured: Count Binface on BBC's Newsnight.)

1. A lot of dudes. Just a ton of fucking people from beginning to end of the process.

2. Ancient people weren't stupid, they just figured shit out the same way we do: fuck around until you find out.

3. We're gonna plan this out and it's gonna take ten fucking years, and you will cope.

4. Sticks and string are surprisingly versatile and can be used for a variety of purposes, like moving stuff and making sure things are even and go in the spot you wanted to put them in!

I’m not teaching kids lol

I am a fitness instructor for adults and if I’m wearing a chastity cage key it’s either under my shirt so no one can see it or in my damn pocket if I’m wearing a shirt I can’t have it under.

Also, you do sound like a purist prude. The person actually in chastity isn’t there, no one is seeing their cage and lots of people wear all kinds of keys as necklace pendants and you’d have to really be in the know to KNOW.

I may have some alarming news for you.

MANY people are wearing things related to their fetishes EVERY DAY. Everywhere. With their own kids, around other kids, and everywhere tbh. That doesn’t mean they are interacting with those children or people as part of their fetish. People can and do compartmentalize ALL THE TIME.

Do you think women with a panty fetish shouldn’t wear panties while otherwise fully clothed around kids? Should men with a panty fetish not wear panties while otherwise fully clothed around kids?

If you said “no that’s fine” to the first one but “ew of course not” to the second one you’re not actually thinking about protecting kids, you’re actually just pushing puritanical viewpoints that have been used to oppress queer and kinky people for decades.

kid: "what's your necklace?"

op: "it's a key!"

kid: "why are you wearing a key necklace?"

op: "because I like it!" OR "because it's pretty to me!" OR "because someone special gave it to me!" OR "I just like keys!" OR "it's the key to something I own and I don't want to lose it!" OR literally whatever other answer she wants to give, because she's kinky, not creepy, and is presumably smart enough to give an age-appropriate answer that will satisfy the kid's curiosity without revealing her adult private life to a 5-year-old

kid: "oh okay!" *goes off to play*

kink does not equal abuse. existing as a kinky adult around children does not equal abuse. wearing something related to your fetish around children does not equal abuse.

christ alive. if you can handle the concept of grown adults doing any activity that is not for children, you can handle this. I super prommy. just because you, idk, skydive with other adults on weekends and wear a t-shirt about skydiving around a child does not mean you're in favor of throwing that child out of a fucking airplane. jfc

unauthorized fucking thing!!!!!!

(warning: loud chirping throughout)