You Might Want To Work On Your Manners

Barbara: Is he cute?

Gordon: Hey, my daughter wants to know if you’re cute.

Batman: You mean the one who’s been in the news because their factories haven’t been properly disposing of toxic waste?

cops: uh yeah?

Batman: and didn’t he get caught up in a domestic violence scandal a few years ago?

Cops: shouldn’t you be stopping them? 

Batman: right, on it.

*Later* 

Batman: Harley! Ivy! Stop! Don’t beat up Money McBillionaire! And don’t take this flashdrive which contains documents detailing his company’s dangerously lax safety practices as well as formal complaints and lawsuits from workers who have gotten sick off of toxic fumes. And definitely don’t take this other one revealing exactly how much he paid to have those domestic violence charges dropped, including the names of the people who accepted the bribe. And please, for the love of humanity, don’t send them to Clark Kent at the Daily Planet lest he publish these private documents for all to see.

Harley: Got an address?

It’s hilarious

Nobody would suspect it. Batman always comes across as so sure and authoritative - he must be at least 37 or so

Meanwhile, Bruce is actually 23 and just took in a nine-year-old

And Robin in turn just makes people think he’s older because if that’s his kid - well, then he’s got to be old enough to be a dad

You’ve got Diana as the oldest and Bruce as the youngest and they’re both the only ones with any braincells

Every time Batman gets a meme, people assume it’s because of Robin and yeah, that’s partially true, but he’s also a millennial

It’s gets better with every kid he adopts

Diana is probably the first to actually know his age but it doesn’t matter much to her

Clark, however, freaks out.

“You’re 26!”

“Yes. How is that more relevant than the fact that I’m Bruce Wayne and therefore can get intel on the kryotonite smuggling ring?”

“You have a teenage son. You’re younger than me!”

“Only by six years, Clark. Now could we please focus-“

Barry and Hal would straight up not believe it.

Hal’s the last to know. He just walks into the meeting room, Bruce unmasked, and is all “who tf are you? Bruce Wayne? Who is that- what do you mean you’re 27?”